In 1808, Gregory Puffin at the age of 9 invented the Cathedral. His early prototypes consisted mainly of asparagus and it was not until he moved on from his fixation with root vegetables that he realized a building should be made of stone and wood.
A sizeable youth, Puffin made quite the impression in the Burlesque clubs of Southern Wales. He earned his keep by soliciting himself to older men and then feigning shock and innocence at the proposition of coitus. In the ensuing confusion he would punch them in the throat, thereby crushing their trachea, and allowing him to steal their valuables. A frightful episode of pursuit by agents of the law, saw Puffin flee to the countryside and immerse himself in his first love; cathedral inventing.
Gregory Puffin thrived amongst the lofty heights of the Victorian-era Welsh masonry fraternity. He soon became civilization's first, and last, celebrity cathedral inventor. His favorite topic at parties was "why Cathedral's are what they are, and why they aren't, in fact, just big churches." A string of lecture circuits later and Puffin's immense fame and wealth had resulted in the hand of a lady in marriage, and later three regrettably pointless children.
The dark side of being a Cathedral Celebrity had taken its toll, however, and it was whilst taking his family to a travelling fair on a slovenly Welsh mire, that his yearning for Furmity cost him all that he held dear. And his children. He traded it all for a bowl of porridge and rum; the rum to ease his troubled soul and the porridge to ease his irritated, rum-filled bowel.
