***HAUNTED MEMORIES***

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Hosted By SparkleTags.com**** My Little Angel****God looked around his garden and found an enpty place So he looked down around the earth And saw your precious face He put his arms around you As he lifted you to rest Gods garden must be beautiful He always takes the best He saw that your path would be difficult So he closed your little eyes To live an eternal life in heaven And gave you wings to fly It broke my heart to lose you But you did not go alone For part of me went with you The day that god called you home I dream of you often you with a smiling face I know that he is sitting beside you And he will take care of you Till the end of my daysDeborah Diane RutanCopyright ?2004 Deborah Diane Rutan © DEBORAH RUTAN THIS POEM WAS WRITTEN TO MY LIL GIRL THAT WENT TO HEAVEN HOPED YOU LIKE IT I KNOW SHE IS ON GODS KNEE**** MY GOODBYE **** Thank you for the memories good and bad. Thank you for the smiles some so sad. You were always on my mind despite our separate lives. I am so very glad that we had met and you are someone I will never forget. And the times I spent with you I have only a few regrets. I have loved you from my heart like I have never loved before. I gave you my all I could not give any more. I guess you and I were not simply meant to be. For the love I felt for you , you never felt for me. Life goes on, and so will this love in my heart. A heart that has been empty since we have been apart. I thought that you loved me I thought that you cared. But when it came down to it you simply were not there. Your heart not in it, it was always astray. I wish the words I love you, you meant and could have stayed. You said that you loved me but I could not see. Those three little words were not meant for me. I did my best but my best was not good enough. Love is not easy and at times it can be so rough. The love I offered you was truly genuine. But in your heart you were never really mine. Just know that I honestly loved you and I really did care. These must be the reasons that I am still here. When I needed a friend you turned away. You broke my heart and turned your love away. I do not hate you I wish I could. But I never will your still in my heart and always will. And the sad thing about it I love you still. I want the best for you I wish it could have been me. But as I walk away please do not forget me. Remember our good times even our bad. Knowing now that you did not love me makes me feel so sad. I honestly and truly did love you from the very start. It was love at first sight and you left an impression in my heart. My heart will keep beating as we move on. Just know it was you that my heart could have won. As I walk slowly away so you don?t have to run. I want you to know I wish you all the joy and happiness wherever you go Deborah Rutan © DEBORAH RUTAN**** WHY-JUST WHY **** I awake in the mornings As another day has gone by I sit alone and I wonder Why-just why I know that I am not suppose to question you I am only supposed to beleive But sometimes the hell that I go through I feel that I am being deceived Do I deserve it Cause I can tell it is slowly killing me I have feelings at times That I am six feet underneath I am on the edge at times With a push I would be gone I know your telling yourself That it is only going to make me strong I talk to you every night When I say my silent prayer I ask that you take away some of these burdens And loosen up my despairDeborah Diane Rutan Copyright ?2004 Deborah Diane Rutan © DEBORAH RUTAN **** Angels And Friendship **** FRIENDS ARE LIKE QUIET ANGELS WHO LIFT US TO OUR FEET WHEN OUR WINGS HAVE TROUBLE REMEMBERING HOW TO FLY . TODAY YOUR HEART MAY BE FILLED WITH SADNESS. TOMORROWS BRIGHT DAWNING WILL BRING YOU GLADNESS. AND YOU WILL KNOW IT IS GODS LOVE , THAT GOD SENDS HIS ANGELS TO WATCH US FROM UP ABOVE. FRIENDS ARE THERE FROM THE BEGINNING . THROUGH THE GOOD TIMES AND THE BAD. FRIENDS NEVER DISAPPOINT YOU, AND THEY NEVER TURN THEIR HEADS THERE ARE MANY WORDS I CAN SAY. BUT NOTHING WILL TAKE YOUR LOVE AWAY. SOMETIMES WE CAN'T DEFINE WHAT YOUR FRIENDSHIP REALLY MEANS.AND FRIENDSHIP IS ALL ANYONE EVER NEEDS. © DEBORAH RUTAN **** WHY DO YOU HURT ME **** You hurt me with your words. They cut me inside oh so deep. Your actions are worse. They exisecerate me. You don?t know how your words affect me. Or you just don?t want to understand. I try to stand tall, but I cry inside. My soul mourns for your uncalled slander. What have you done. Your words make my heart ache. Your actions makes me sick. But together they paralyze me. If I turn a blind eye you will deafen me. If I turn a deafen ear you will break me. Why do you lie and make promises to me. That you never truly intended on keeping. Do you really not want to see me. Why can?t you talk, talk to me. Why can?t you walk, come walk beside me. ©DEBORAH RUTAN July 15, 2004 **** IN YOUR EYES **** When you look at yourself in your eyes. Do you try to advert your gaze. Do you shudder when you catch a glimpse. Is it another shallow or hollow attempt. To deny the fact that you have well known. Is it that you have to much on your mind. That you cannot or will not concentrate on us. Is nostalgia stabbing you in your throat. Has it made you sullen and all alone. Can you tell me this. Can you see myself in your reflection. If you can?t please just let me be. All alone with only me Deborah Diane Rutan June 29, 2004© DEBORAH RUTAN .**** PLEADING HEART ****Give me back the heart I once had It was good and you know that So why put me in so much pain Please let me breathe I feel I have nothing else to gain I will always love you You are first in my heart And always will be You have been there right from the start So when I talk to you at night Please give me a little break I know that you can hear me I have been blessed I have seen your face I do beleive in you never doubt that in any way So loosen up these burdens I have no clue on how much more I can take I do not want to fall in that hole A little peace is all it is going to takeDeborah Diane RutanCopyright ?2004 Deborah Diane Rutan © DEBORAH RUTAN **** A Prayer For My Children ****Now as I lay down to sleep I pray to you my lord my soul you will keep Please keep my children safe from harm And always hold them within your loving arms If I should die before I awake Keep them happy with always a smiling face Tell them to fear not that I am gone For I am above them and I am not alone Let them love you as much as i And they will be with me again by your side And if ever their feeling sad or blue Make them look up to the stars For I am with them always And forever with youDeborah Diane RutanCopyright ?2004 Deborah Diane Rutan © DEBORAH RUTAN****My Father In The Heaven's****Sometimes I lay alone at night Looking up to the stars My mind is in a whirlwind And I am wondering where you are Are you looking down at me Are you my favorite star If I am sad, lonely, or blue I look up into the night And I talk only to you I have this fascination with the sky It is the way we communicate,Just you and I I do beleive in our God up above He is not just in Heaven He is here on this earth with us I have seen him a time or two For he helped me and he carried me through God knows that we are not perfect And he loves each and every one of us Always remember that we are on loan That our father up above Will be carrying each one of us home Deborah Diane Rutan Copyright ?2004 Deborah Diane Rutan© DEBORAH RUTAN**** THE ENDING ****The day we gave a love away We just had to much to say It could have been a friendship for life But for him it cut like a knife For her it was giving her back her life Room to breathe and see All this craziness he has done to me The pretty boys can not get far There is more to life And I want to see just how far That I can go all alone So please give me the room to roam To look at myself in someone's eyes And to see the soulmate that will be by my side It may not be forever, it could be a moment thing But it is something that I just have to see Even if it means the ending The ending of you and me Deborah RutanCopyright ?2004 Deborah Diane Rutan © DEBORAH RUTAN****REFLECTIONS IN THE MIRROR****When I look in the mirror who do I see Is that reflection that I am seeing Is it really me I do not like what I see The sad eyes along with the pain Oh my god it cannot be me I do not look the same Can you help me Can you take me away All I want to do is just go Go to a far away place There has got to be peace somewhere within I am having trouble finding it Would you open up the door and let me in Hold out your hand and I will extend mine I need some peace in my life I honestly feel that it is timeDeborah Diane Rutan Copyright ?2004 Deborah Diane Rutan © DEBORAH RUTAN