Maria Tortilla profile picture

Maria Tortilla

I can see Russia from my house.

About Me



I’m just a bit wacky and funnier than the average Jane! Reality TV is not only on my Tivo but it’s my job. Yes, I make the best of the best. Perhaps you’ve heard of such shows as: Survival of the Richest, Skating with Celebrities, Hell’s Kitchen, The Apprentice, Top Design or Dancing with the Stars. You have me to thank for such goodness.
Pancakes are my best dish along with lemonade from a can. If push comes to shove I can boil a mean water. I enjoy lounging clothes and the good couch.
Election 08 looks like a real nail biter. Go Big Blue!

My Interests

Soccer Rules! Welcome Becks, I hope to run into you at the Grove or driving down Sunset. One great goal in life is to be in a car accident with Lindsay, Nicole or Paris. If only I was on that off ramp going the wrong way. Celebrity gossip is all up in my brain and it will never leave along with several random facts. Did you know that 1 in 5,000 north Atlantic lobsters are born bright blue? Or that dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors. If you talk to me long enough, you’ll learn so much you never needed to know. And my super star is...

I'd like to meet:

POSH and BECKS

El Chupacabra

Name: El Chupacabra
Nickname: Chupa
Alias: El Vampiro de Moca
Eyes: very large, often red
Build: quasi-simian-kangaroo-reptile
Likes: goats, chickens, cows, horses, dogs, cats, ducks, travel
Dislikes: bright, shining lights
Favorite hangouts: Guanica, Puerto Rico; Canovanas, Puerto Rico; Klamath Falls, Oregon; Miami, Florida; Calama, Chile; Juarez, Mexico; Sonora, Mexico

Music:

Love the pop music! Pop remixes are my fav! Kelly Clarkson, Britney, No Doubt, Tina Turner, Pink, Carrie Underwood, Bon Jovi, Dixie Chicks, Madonna, Pat Benatar, Ashlee Simpson, Billy Idol. Celine Dion, Cher, Dolly Parton, Elvis, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, Franz, Ferdinand, Green Day, Michael Jackson, Justin Timberlake, The Killers, O-Town, Queen, Reba McEntire, Rascal Flatts, The White Stripes and new artists everyday.

Kelly and Reba.

Movies:

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (You lose, good day sir!)

Shut Up and Sing, GI Jane, Crossroads, Kissing Jessica Stein, Sandlot, Karate Kid, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Women, Little Children, Quinceañera, Rocky IV, Pan's Labyrinth, Bring It On, The Holiday, Titanic, Finding Neverland, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Constant Gardener, Meatballs, Jesus Camp, An Inconvenient Truth, Loving Annablle, Imagine Me & You, Brokeback Mountian, Cold Mountian, Team America: World Police, Love Actually, Closer, But I'm A Cheerleader and more

Television:

Degrass: the Next Generationi, South of Nowhere, Lost, ER, 30 Rock, Heores, The L Word, The Office, Facts of Life, Studio 60 (RIP), Full House, America's Next Top Model, Friday Night Lights, Just the Ten of Us, Perfect Strangers, Webster, 90210, The OC, Good Times, Roseanne, Golden Girls, The Amazing Race, The Simpsons, Project Runway, The Soup and Best Week Ever, Shows I've had the privilege to work on: Psychic At Large, Survival of the Richest, Hell's Kitchen, The Apprentice LA, Grease: You're the One that I Want, The Big Give, Top Design and Dancing with the Stars.

I hate you both, never speak to me again!

Books:

To Kill A Mockingbird, Beckham: Autobiography of David Beckham, Swerve, Catholic School Girls' guide to Sex, Understand This, Down and Dirty Pictures: Miramax, Sundance and the Rise of the Independent Film, Hop On Pop, Ten Apples on Top, Go Dog Go and The Taming of the Shrew, Anderson Cooper: Dispatches from the Edge: A Memoir of War, Disasters, and Survival.

Heroes:

Hot 4 Hill

I Got a Crush...On Obama

Not ready to make nice!

Ms. Pac-Man: Feminist Hero

My Blog

Lifes A Drag

Entertainment Weekly put out a list of top actors or actresses dressed in drag from TV and film, and I thought you might want my input on such events. Please note that I did not included all the incid...
Posted by Maria Tortilla on Thu, 13 Sep 2007 02:08:00 PST

To Every PA Out There

Do you know why I put up with this pitiful job? Why I fetch these folks' lunches and clean-up their barfs, because they make television. And more than jazz or musical theatre or morbid obesity, televi...
Posted by Maria Tortilla on Tue, 07 Aug 2007 08:54:00 PST

How To Make A Citizen's Arrest

Say "Stop". Tell the suspect loudly and forcefully to stop what they're doing. Hold up your hand to indicate stopping. If they have a weapon, tell them to put it down (Think twice about making a citiz...
Posted by Maria Tortilla on Wed, 25 Jul 2007 04:03:00 PST

More Than Meets The Eye

So what says I heart America more than a big blockbuster movie on the 4th of July at our local movie house? Transformers is action packed. I laughed more than I should, I cried less than I should and ...
Posted by Maria Tortilla on Thu, 05 Jul 2007 07:11:00 PST

My Daddy

Its Father's Day and I'm going to write about my dad. I heard a song recently on the radio that totally reminds me of my dad, now first off my dad is still living and doing just fine so it's not a sad...
Posted by Maria Tortilla on Sun, 17 Jun 2007 01:10:00 PST

Ive Done It, Im So LA

I've Done It, I'm So LAI finally hit the moment people. It's been almost two years here in LA and I went all LALA you people. The end of Dancing with the Stars was upon me and after enduring weeks of ...
Posted by Maria Tortilla on Sun, 27 May 2007 04:08:00 PST

The Man with a Sign

You just never know when a homeless man or outdoor enthusiast might come in handy. The other day as I drove to the coolest job ever (Dancing with the Stars&did you hear that? I tooted my own horn) a c...
Posted by Maria Tortilla on Sun, 29 Apr 2007 04:34:00 PST

Lazy Blog

No this isn't my up to my usual standards, but I'm keeping you in the loop on these breaking questions.54 QUESTIONS I GUARANTEE YOU'VE NEVER ANSWERED1. Describe your mom in one word.rockin'2. Do you h...
Posted by Maria Tortilla on Mon, 23 Apr 2007 08:45:00 PST

I Hate It When...

Okay, now none of this is too awful, but I hate when these things happen. They can turn a perfectly good moment to disaster. But if these are really my biggest problems then I shouldn't be complaining...
Posted by Maria Tortilla on Fri, 06 Apr 2007 11:49:00 PST

Windsor-Morgan & Parker Want You

The other day my housemate Angie (shout out Ray-Ray) got this letter from Windsor-Morgan & Parker the fine and world renowned research, opinion polling, market, political, social. Never heard of them?...
Posted by Maria Tortilla on Sat, 10 Mar 2007 03:11:00 PST