Chinese firedrills, Satanic rituals, Mel Gibson movies (same thing), offroad lesbian U-Hauling. I also love weekend visits to maximum security asylums, a good Xanax-induced slumber, Spite & Malice (you can never beat me, Cran!), Operation ("the wacky doctor's game!") and of course scouring the monthly Hollywood Collector's Show for rare Ruth Gordon, Edie McClurg and Maureen Teefy memorabilia. Oh, I'm also taking piano lessons. Don't worry, I supply earplugs for all of my houseguests.
I'd like to meet:
New and old friends, long-lost family members (I know I must have an evil twin out there somewhere ... or perhaps a generous benefactor or Lotto winner), inbred cousins/sisters, sextuplets, and any known descendants of the lost colony of Roanoke. I'd also love to meet a few fellow travelers in this crazy business of ours and perhaps form a support group for grizzled Hollywood screenwriters who've had enough and aren't gonna take it anymore ... at least until the next paying gig comes along.
Music:
I was a bit of a misfit having grown up in the embryonic age of MTV (when MTV actually showed music videos -- am I dating myself or what?) since I never really was up on the Who's Who of the music scene -- I just knew what I liked when I heard it. That said, I'm a fan of most of the 80's rockers, rockettes and big-hair bands. I love my soundtrack collection and at least some of the current Dirty Bathtub Brigade -- Avril, Nelly, Fiona, Michelle B. are cool (though please put Jewel out of my misery!) -- but give me Pat Benatar, Ann & Nancy Wilson or Joan Jett with her shag haircut and a black eye any day of the week! Let's not forget Sheryl, Cher and Ms. Shirley Q. Liquor. Sign me up for "Silence of the Lambs: The Musical" over Sondheim or Gilbert & Sullivan, although admittedly I am still feeding my childhood/Catholic-rearing obsession with "Jesus Christ Superstar" (you can take the boy out of the altar, but you can't take the altar out of the ... um, nevermind). I don't know -- just play me something and I'll tell you if I like it. Then you'll have to tell me who sings it, which of course I'll forget in five seconds and ask you again the next time it comes on. But ask me to quote every line from any "Friday the 13th," or "Halloween," (and let's add to that list
"9 to 5," "Murder By Death," "Grease 2," "Elvira: Mistress of the Dark" and "Madonna: Truth or Dare" - "There were three rows of a*&holes and then a space") -- and I'm your man.
Movies:
Too many to list. Send me an e-mail with "Request for Catalog of Your Favorite Movies" in the subject line. Make sure you specify whether you want the list sorted by genre, title or director. For starters I'll just say "Halloween" and all of its amazing sequels (especially "VI" -- hehe). Never been a big fan of westerns, unless you count "Westworld."
Television:
"Facts of Life" (was always waiting for Jo to make her move on Blair), "Fantasy Island" ("Da Plane! Da Plane!"), "Real People" (before Peter Billingsley was brought in to jump the shark), "That's Incredible," "Captain Caveman," "The Krofft Supershow," "Captain Kool & The Kongs," "Double Trouble" (Jean and Liz Sagal forever!) "It's Your Move" (early Jason Bateman classic), "It Takes Two" (precursor to "Growing Pains" with Helen Hunt and Anthony Edwards as the sassy teen offspring of Patty Duke and Richard Crenna), "Schoolhouse Rock" (for teaching me the truncated Preamble to the Constitution), "Little House on the Prairie" (I nearly died when Mary went blind, hated it when Nellie got nice), "Bewitchitid" (give me some Derwood and Endora) ... and if you know even half of what I'm talking about ... YOU TOO ARE OLD! Today you can sign me up for some "Ab-Fab," "Little Britain," those "Housewives" were getting desperate for a decent storyline in Season 2, "Lost" is starting to lose me, "Life on the D-List" (you go, Kathy!), "The Apprentice," "The Amazing Race" (Family Edition excluded), and pretty much everything on the Bravo and HGTV lineup.
Books:
Foster and Marshall's "How Can I Get Through to You?" and C. Terry Warner's "Bonds That Make Us Free" for their eye-popping insights (literally!) into human behavior and for assuring me that yes, most people really are that f'd up - (but it's good to know there is help for those who want it). Currently reading "Boys on the Rock" by John Fox (and the soon to be porno-ized version, "Boys on the ..."), "Just the Right Amount of Wrong" by Larry Hulse (props for Larry!), Jack Ketchum's "The Girl Next Door" (and not just because I co-adapted it for the screen), Peter M. Bracke's "Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of 'Friday the 13th'" (shameless plug), and of course the collected works of Jackie Collins, Nancy Friday, L. Ron Hubbard and Stephen J. Cannell (i.e., "The Greats").
Heroes:
Olive Oyle, Cher, Cheri Oteri, Tiny Tim, Ted Neeley, H.R. Pufnstuf, John Carpenter, Orlando Bloom. And let me not forget the incomparable and gifted Ms. Cookie Rae Brown.
