CURRENTLY IN PREPRODUCTION OF NOEL COWARD PLAY
Actor, writer, artist, dreamer and poet; oral poet, performance poet, dub poet, pop/pub poet, rap poet, posing poesy poet, versifier, and former exuviator of apples, and scrumper of all things apples and orchards! Currently Directing and co-producing an excellent Noel Coward play rarely performed, and will be out there in the Summer of 2008 in good ole London.
Biog typed on a food stained QWERTY UIOP[] keyboard in the third person narrative, and high on Ambrosia Creamed Rice bongs.
Born at the wrong end of the hippy generation to really appreciate it, but at the worst end to be wearing its hand-me-down fashion, he was brought up by a breed of reptillian-apes that lounged by ill-painted beach huts that stood nowhere near beaches. On a diet of Spam and corned-beef Weetabix sandwiches he soon grew to 6' 5" by thought alone. he spent his formative years building skate boards and stealing chewing gum, only to realise years later that skate boards needed wheels. This stationary period led to his zest for moving; after recovering from a phobia with wheels. However, moving on - he started writing while in the formative stages of embryonic development (5' 11") while inside another mother's womb in Chesterfield, but moved to laptops by the 8th month of gestation. He soon realised after completing his degree in psychology and law (6' 5"), and a masters in international legal studies, that he had indeed completed a degree in psychology and law and a masters in international legal studies.
When born at 6 feet tall he began to act-up and learnt how to grab an audience without being arrested under the Offences Against the Persons Act (1861) ss16-42. This later moved to acting on stage in less than amateur performances; a drunken rendition of Algernon in Oscar Wilde's play, The Importance of eating cucumber sandwiches without remembering the lines; too many parts in Thomas's Under Milk Wood, and a non singing part in My Fair Lady (luckily), while attempting to be a stage manager. However, he managed to make a little bit of money (2 beers worth) reading poetry and getting lots of musicians to play alongside him - without breaking the laws of decency. Co-founder of the White Noise contemporary poetry and prose anthology, and Both Sides Production company. Mark has Performed at Edinburgh Fringe, Cambridge, London, USA, Cyprus, Germany (I mentioned it once and I think I got away with it) and the toilet at the Picturehouse, but his girlfriend fell asleep.
DIARY
October, 2007
Plaza De La Trinidad under the grey stone shadow of La Alahmbra, and screeching evening birds, is the home of Maria at the Pension 'Cinco Gatos'. At 80y.o she stands less that 5' tall, and walks with a belated purpurse in her tartan skirt. 'You not go to Banos Arabes', she says in her long broken English. We arrived there among the gravel crunching scooters soon after her hour long speech, and a tour of how a door opens and closes.
Grafitti heaven shrowds this ancient town; tramps with dread locks, dogs with scalves, like the new crusaders; Celotaped posters and invitations to Erasmus parties; Shesa pipes on sale and not a price tag to be seen within the stench of tanned leather cobble stoned allies, and insense.
Venitian blinds are draped away from windows hanging forlorn over the metal baconies, bellowing in the breeze - shading the balconies, even at night. People eat tapas, smoke and drink beneath the palms, and shopkeepers washing and sweeping down their shop fronts after their 4 hour siesta. Here there is no rush to make profits.
Back at Plaza De La Trinidad, with its heavy black wooden door dusted in dust, the cold marble steps to resonate every step, and whince at the deodarised air. But that night was a profit of mind.
For Comfort and safe use - read Safety & Comfort Guide
June, 2007
It came as a surprise today that it was a surprise. Spent last night showing off my culinary skills - the way I grated the cheese was sublime, not to say perfect. I therefore recommend using the orange Flymo Turbo Lite 330 Hover Mower with a cutting width of 33cm, and at only 65 British pounds, was a snip! Of course it took a while trying to find the shavings of cheese, so next time i recommend the Flymo Rollermo with Cheese bag already attached and a cutting width of 32cm and only 1p more. For that you get a really good cheese pizza and a happy girlfriend. Next week's cooking tip will be on how to flip a flan on a fan!
May, 2007
It was all going well on Sunday, I enjoyed my company, and she tolerated me, but after 3 coffees, mint tea, and a Shesha apple pipe I realised that if she stopped taking her glass eye out and putting it in her glass of water just in case somebody nabbed it while she went to the toilet, I may just have seen her again.
May, 2007
I wrote this bit by mistake, sorry!
April, 2007
THE LAST TIME I DATE A PERSON WHO SAYS, 'LETS GO SOMEWHERE SEEDY', JUST MY LUCK THAT THE DAY WAS SPENT AT THE GARDEN CENTER. I GUESS ME AND THE OCCASIONAL BUSH JUST DON'T GO.
March, 2007
Not much happened today except my duvet was the wrong way round and I just thought I got taller over night. Quite a shock waking up to disappointment. Maybe tomorrow.
October, 2006
LORD GORING
My father told me to go to bed an hour ago. I don't see why I shouldn't give you the same advice. I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself. (OFO'FWW)
Before October
Woke up this morning without my permission and fell from the top bunk. It was at this time I realised I didn't have a bunk. On hitting terra firma, I noticed 5 women appeared before me dressed in Vivienne Westwood and shoes from Starbucks. On gazing up I similarly noticed that they were eating my entire collection of Walker crisp (potato chips to some of you foreigners) packets including the limited editions and Lamb and Mint. It came as a shock when I woke up for the second time to realise that I had no such collection and that Starbucks didn't sell shoes. I later left the coffee shop shoeless with a police escort. I decided that tomorrow I shall drink darjeeling instead.
Before October
I woke up again this morning, which after over thirty years has now become an established habbit. My mother was mopping the floor again, so I had to put my foot down this time and tell her that if she continues with so much bleach on the mop-head, she'll only damage the carpet. She soon disappeared downstairs to polish the bread. The rest of the day was spent putting dust back on the one leaf yuka plant.
