I don't let alot "get to me" like I did when I was younger. What used to STRESS ME OUT... doesn't anymore... I suppose it's called.....growing older. I used to be EXTREMELY SHY and still am until I get to know one. Then you can't shut me up! I've always been a private person and I get that from my mother and HER mother, so blame them (laughs). Being shy is NOT something a child LIKES....nor does any adult. It's not like we ASK to be that way. I don't remember being any different.We were taught not to be "busy-bodies", or "gossips". My mother's motto to this day is: "If you can't say anything good about someone, don't say it at all". She was good at those "old sayings".And those "old timers" were RIGHT MOST OF THE TIME! One thing is for sure,the word C-A-N-'T..was NOT in their vocabulary!!We were raised in a strict Christian home. We lived in a day where children loved and respected their parents alot more; There wasn't any of this TALKING BACK stuff going on IN OUR HOUSE!! I'll tell you NOW, my parents would put the "FEAR OF GOD" in you really FAST and are STILL very capable of doing that! Our little bo-hineys got spanked more than I care to remember (but my little brother got it most..(giggles)..(coughs).. but SERIOUSLY, it taught us discipline. The book of Proverbs: Chapter: 13: verse 24 reads: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes"... Chapter 22: verse 6 reads: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs: Chapter 29:verse 15 reads..."The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame". But think about it if you will....what happens if you let "that angel" HAVE anything and everything he/she WANTS???? You'll have a very SPOILED BRAT on your hands!We didn't have all these techno-gadgets that keep you indoors. Most of the time we made up our own games..you know..as in actually USE OUR BRAINS??
You had more mothers staying at home with their children, there wasn't anything like a "latch key kid"; Morals were more prevalent then; you never let an idle word enter your head..because my mother had this "radar"..and the look on our face had better be that of an angel and not that "blank stare" look or even DREAM of talking back glare! We'd have to write hundreds of lines on paper AFTER the spanking we received.
If we got in trouble for talking in CHURCH...all my mother had to do is turn around and she'd squint her eyes at us and we KNEW what was going to happen when WE got home. And there wasn't NOTHING PRETTY ABOUT IT EITHER!!
Overall...life seemed more simple when I was growing up.To the young readers that might visit here, they'd think we were raised in BOOT CAMP...but it instilled something very valuable in us by those "old school" ways. You become a respectable, disciplined individual if you actually recognized what your parents were trying to instill into you. They KNEW this life would be very hard...because they've already "been there...done that". They KNOW what they're talking about...TRUST ME!! We appreciatd every LITTLE thing we were given. Our parents made it a point to know "who", "what", "when" and "where", and "HOW"....before we left out the door and none of those answers we gave them had better change without permission FIRST! We weren't rich folks and we weren't poor either, and honestly it was something that never crossed our minds, because the Lord always provided everything we ever needed! We had clothes to wear and food to eat and very thankful for it. I appreciated every ounce of sweat my Dad worked for to provide for his family and my mother for working just as hard at home to see that we were nurtured and loved and DISCIPLINED. America had AMERICANS that were raised according to our God fearing principles and culture and it was about "GOD" and "FAMILY". This nation has shoved God OUT OF IT and we WONDER WHY WE'RE HAVING SUCH TURMOIL AND HARD TIMES NOW??? Hmmmm...if you kick the ONE (God) out...who exactly do you THINK is left to step in HIS place? Life then wasn't about JUNK or MONEY; or the newest weekly invention on the shelf that taught hatred, violence,or adultery. Our OWN schools will NOW pass out condoms for the students! But they'll take up your kids pencils if they mention God or Jesus Christ on them....and they'll allow your teenage daughter to to have an abortion without your consent! You didn't have visitors from other countries telling US how to live OUR LIVES!! Let me tell you something....if I MOVE to a different country...it is "ME" that has to abide by THEIR LAWS AND CUSTOMS and MY religious beliefs could possibly get me KILLED for worshipping MY GOD IN THEIR COUNTRY!! But they come over HERE and act as if THEY are the ones who are offended? Let them fly back on that plane that got them here to THEIR country and their TOES won't get stepped on or THEIR PRECIOUS FEELINGS HURT. This is MY COUNTRY...BORN AND RAISED HERE AND MY GRANDFATHER FOUGHT FOR THIS NATION IN WWI as did thousands upon thousands of others like him . What a disrespectful, disgrace it IS to them who fought and died so that we might have our freedom to worship and live freely. If all of those comrades could be HERE NOW...THEY'D BE ASHAMED OF US FOR LETTING IT COME TO THIS!!!
Kids in America don't realize how BLESSED THEY ARE because many millions of children in other parts of the world.. what they wouldn't GIVE to have a warm bed to sleep in and "a" meal to eat JUST for that day. Freedom? They don't know what FREEDOM IS! But what's even worse, is they've never come to know their Lord and Savior and that there IS someone out there with THE ANSWER AND JESUS CHRIST IS THAT ONE!!Not just for a certain class of children...but ALL children! But how will they ever come to know Jesus is no one ever tells them? Many kids have no clue where their parents even ARE! And the "one-eyed babysitter of a god" called the T.V. is all they know. And we wonder WHY they are troubled? Just turn on the t.v and you can LEARN HOW to cheat, lie, steal, fool around, murder, curse and DIVORCE! You name it...it's there!!
Going to church was something we never questioned. Jesus Christ was always put first in our home. We gave/give thanks for ALL things both great and small. And we still do. We were never asked if we'd LIKE to go to church....you just KNEW you were going. PERIOD.It WASN'T an option! Our parents didn't have to tell us to get ready for church. We knew to BE READY... If we didn't go...we were sick or someone was in the hospital or dying.The divorce rate in America is OFF the map compared to what it was when "I" was a teenager. And I went through a very painful one myself! I can't tell you what that did to me. I wanted the kind of marriage my Mother and Dad STILL HAS. But that experience changed me....and not for the better. NOT AT FIRST ANYWAY. I gave up. TOTALLY GAVE UP. Don't ever think that the devil won't kick you when you're down!! That HURT he turned into self-pity, which led to alcohol, then pills, and it snowballed FAST from there. It took over my life as it sunk into a very dark place. After awhile your heart becomes numb to what you "DO", "SAY", or "THINK". You can't see it, but others can. I didn't want anyone's help though. I was tired of caring what the WORLD thought! Then I learned I had VOCAL CHORDS! And for the first time in my life I could speak up for myself and it felt GOOOOOOOD!! (i know,...i know... the school of hard knocks) Remember...I never knew how to do that before!! I was called every name in the book during that period of my life.... for SO long, I got bored and disappointed because no one had come up with any new names to call me. After you hear it for years and years, you get this demeanor like... "well, geeeeee can't you do any better than that"? I don't think my family or friends liked me much back then, and THEN it didn't bother me because I could have cared LESS what they thought. I was numb to feeling anything meaningful. And I became that way, because I hated the shy person that I felt caused it all. I never ONCE blamed God for it. I never once stopped believing in Jesus Christ or that he died on the cross for our sins....I didn't change my beliefs. It was ME I wanted to change! I wanted OUT of that naieve, shy, person that got me to where I was! Only it wasn't my being shy that caused my downfall. It was when I took my eyes off CHRIST and let go of HIM during the storm. Then the life raft was taken away....
It was a long, rough, ride! I'm not sure you could have SURVIVED in those shoes. It's only by God's grace and HIS GRACE ALONE that I'm even alive to this day. LITERALLY!!! I can look back now and laugh at how "DUMB" I was. Is there a word WORSE than "D-u-m-b"?, Because there was nothing funny about HOW I had begun living my life on the edge. It almost got me....DEAD??? The devil was behind all of that. He wanted to take my life, but there was ONE...who just shook his head at him and said "no". Otherwise I wouldn't be typing this entry. Satan TRIED to make me..the "walking dead" but my GOD HAD OTHER PLANS!!!!But the Lord saw it all and he'd never left my side. It was ME who had shut HIM out. But HE totally turned my whole life around at the beginning of January(2007). HE opened my eyes in such a way that it was almost frightening to know I'd drifted so far, so FAST and the time flew by. When you come OUT of that KIND of cold darkness into the warmth of God's light, I don't think you can even get CLOSE to being able to grasp that kind of feeling unless you've experienced it yourself.
I'd heard stories that when you receive Christ into your life, HE gives you a new heart, a new mind, and a new spirit. You're a new person! But I never FULLY GRASPED WHAT THAT MEANT... "UNTIL"...it actually happened! I know you've heard that before and trust me so had I...and MANY TIMES but until you ACTUALLY EXPERIENCE IT, you'll never understand it!! Once you've had ENOUGH of that pain, and agony...when you finally DO hear Jesus calling for you...you'll hear it, your heart hears it and it cries back for HIM.
Do you remember as a child how you'd hear your parents calling you and you pretended not to hear them and just ignored them? Or did you ever get lost in a crowd of people and remember the fear you felt when you no longer saw Your Mom or Dad... but just strangers faces instead? And then out of nowhere, you hear THEIR VOICE OR THAT FAMILAR TOUCH WHEN THEY FIND YOU??? And the RELIEF that fills you. All those spanking and lines you wrote...you were grateful for!! The change starts from within and then as it grows, it radiates OUT. It can't help BUT SHOW. It's THAT REAL OF A TRANSFORMATION!! Because YOU HUNGER FOR IT! YOU WANT IT!! You don't THINK the same way, you don't ACT the same, or TALK the same. You have a whole different outlook on LIFE!!! Because Jesus "IS" about LIFE and LIGHT. And it's HIS LIGHT and LIFE THAT'S NOW "IN YOUR LIFE" once HE enters into it. And all of that happens naturally when "CHRIST" takes you and redeems you from the corruption you're in. And you pray to God that HE never allows you to fall again...to never let you go back to that place HE just pulled you out of. I had let the guilt from my sins eat away at my soul and it only dug a deeper pit for me to crawl out of. But when Jesus spiritually washes you with his precious shed blood, CLEAN FROM ALL THE FILTH you were wallowing in...that warmth when HIS spiritual life blood hits you, is overwhelming when you emerge from that mire. There really IS no way to describe to you IN WORDS.....what takes place, but when it DOES....YOU WILL KNOW IT!!
When Lot's wife looked over her shoulder at Sodom and Gomorrah, she became a pillar of salt. God told them NOT to look back on that city HE just rescued them from and SHE did anyway! God never intended for anyone of us to continue living in our PAST sins once we've received HIS FORGIVENESS, because NOTHING good can come from it except stagnation. You shouldn't WANT to look back on it unless of course you still long for it or love it!"I" had to be the one who decided to answer Christ. I could have refused his help....and many do. No one could make that decision for me. But I was hungry for HIS HELP. I'd gone THAT FAR!! And when the Holy Ghost comes upon you...it's like when Jesus breathed upon his deciples to let them know HE WAS ALIVE!!! And it gave them LIFE...A RENEWED SPIRIT!
Have you ever heard your parents say..."I know you like the back of my hand"? Well, God IS our FATHER who knows US like that too. Only better. Remember how your parents would sometimes sit back and let you learn from your mistakes? Yeaaa....Our Lord taught our parents well didn't HE? :)
It's one thing to hear about Jesus....but it's QUITE ANOTHER TO KNOW HIM!! That personal walk with HIM is not just hearing about HIM. IT'S ABOUT YOU AND YOU ALONE AND HIM!! It's allowing HIM into YOUR life! Letting HIM lead, guide and direct you! No one said it was going to be easy..the devil tempted Jesus too..what makes you think YOU'RE any different?But Jesus said it is not possible for any man to pluck "my sheep" out of my hand or out of my Father's hand. For the Father and I are one. SO NOW..... "I don't tell God how BIG my storm is.."I" tell the storm HOW BIG MY GOD IS!!! There is POWER IN THE PRECIOUS SHED BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!!We don't have any guarantee's for another tomorrow. That's alot to think about all on it's own.
In a way... I honestly believe the Lord had to bring me through that fire....and allow me to be in that dark place for awhile to be able to see WHERE I'D BEEN and just how far I'd gone and HOW MUCH HE RESTORED. Then you have a GREATER appreciation for your LIFE! And LIFE is spelled...J-E-S-U-S!!
Now after a Storm comes what? THE RAINBOW! My son was and IS the good that came from that storm. Would I go back and do it all over again??? YOU BET I WOULD!! IN A HEART BEAT!!! Because if I went back and changed any of it, I wouldn't have my son NOW. So.. GOOD.... CAN.... COME out of the eye of ANY STORM!! Sometimes you just can't see it until the mist rolls away!
Jesus shed his blood as the sacrificial LAMB on the cross for our sins. THERE WILL "NOT" BE ANOTHER SACRIFICE given; "NOT" another crucifixion by our Lord, EVER AGAIN. When he said: "It Is Finished"...he meant it! Because the next time we see him HE will be coming for HIS BRIDE! THE MESSIAH...OUR KING, OUR LORD AND SAVIOR..who already paid it ALL for you on the cross!
I've hurt people along the way and I've been hurt by others, but I've let it go. I can't beat myself up anymore than I already have and I've forgiven those who have hurt me also. And those who don't know HOW to forgive??? Remember God WILL take "THAT" up with you if you don't but that's just gonna have to be between YOU and GOD. I've gotten past ALL that "ROT" since Jesus entered into my heart. Life is too short to live it in the past, on "Memory Lane" or "Poor Poor Pitiful ME Avenue"People wonder where Jesus IS....WHERE GOD IS...WELL JUST LOOK AROUND YOU..HE'S EVERY WHERE! But how will you ever see HIM if you keep your eyes and heart shut to HIM??? If you always focus on the negative in ANYTHING,that's all you will receive in RETURN. Keep your eyes focused on Jesus and you will GET JESUS. He looked passed all the bad, and he saw the good that "I" could no longer see. I'm going to give credit where credit is due. If that offends people..TOUGH....lol! Hey!! That ATTITUDE did do some good after all! Only I call it being BOLD for my Lord and it can be used for a good thing now..like defending my Savior and Lord, Jesus :-) The Lord is looking for that "army" who will stand firm for HIM. And not swagger nor sway in the wind. For.."if God be for us, WHO can be against us".
God was made flesh through his son Jesus Christ and HE had to go through everything WE go through now. He was tempted, persecuted, beaten, spat upon, scourged, accused, cursed, deceived, bruised, he bled, and he died, but rose again on the 3rd day BODILY. He paid ALL DEBTS owed, on the cross, to make a way for ALL SINNERS to be saved by HIS grace in faith believing and by the blood he shed on that cross. He knows we're not perfect. We're going to make mistakes, but those mistakes have been taken care of. We just have to repent of those sins and never do them again. We may stumble and fall along the way. But what does a soldier do when he falls in battle... HE GETS BACK UP AND KEEPS FIGHTING!! There is work to be done for our LORD, Jesus Christ. He's looking for anyone whose not afraid to take up their crosses and follow HIM. Those who will not be afraid to spread the gospel...the GOOD NEWS...about the name above all names.... JESUS. WE can live through Jesus Christ OUR LORD and SAVIOR and HE IN US because of how he died on the cross for the remission of sins and we'll live an eternal life with him in heaven for enduring to the end. There IS LIFE out there...Jesus IS THAT LIFE and HE'S JUST WAITING FOR YOU TO ASK HIM TO COME INTO YOUR HEART.. While you still can. There's still time. We will ALL have to make that choice at some point in time in our lives, unless you make that decision too late. He will help you IF you ask HIM. I'm praying for you.....please pray for me also. WE'RE all ONE in Christ Jesus. May God Bless You abundantly!
