Jackson Brian Griffith profile picture

Jackson Brian Griffith

I am here for Friends and Networking

About Me

I'm a melanin-deficient writer who lives in the capital of the largest blue state, the one with the height-challenged orange Austrian muscleman in charge. Until a few years ago I was the arts editor at the local weekly, but then I switched careers and I was working for a digital media company until it "merged" with a larger competitor, which means that I got "merged" from employed to, ahem, freelance. I'm legally married but about to get a divorce and I live with a roommate, I've got one daughter in college, and for entertainment I write songs and play acoustic guitar, even though I used to be in a really crappy metal parody band. Occasionally, I inflict my music on audiences at open-mic nights and at coffeehouse gigs. Generally, I am well behaved these days. That wasn't always the case back in my Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Drunk period, when I would show up at parties wearing one of those made at the mall while drunk custom T-shirts with a message like "Loner With a Boner" or "Bend Over, I'll Drive," and, invariably, I'd wind up going home alone. Pretty 'tarded, huh?
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My Interests

One fine day, I would like to learn how to dance The Madison. I'm into conceptual spelunking, anthropomorphic automobile design, lethally hot food, hypothetical sandwich construction, unusual cloud formation, callipygian women, cartoonish science-fiction futurism, all manner of fast and bulbous pursuits, laughing, bad horror films, cheesy true-crime novels, the classics, uh, um ... friends seen and unseen, to you that is riding along in your automobile, to you that is sitting round the table, I greet you with the holy word: Peace. Yes, I am what I am, and that is all I am, for I am it. And with my infinite mind, I thinks constructively. For your mind is my mind and my mind is your mind and I am sending out my Christ mind to you, you and you. And I am able to draw whatsever I want into my immediately surroundings. Call up a friend now, and tell them that Prophet Omega is on the air ... Christmas is approaching, and it's later than you think. You wants to be preparing yourself for chillun's goods and your goods.

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I'd like to meet:

Well, I am in a very happy and satisfying relationship, but I do like smart, beautiful, warm, engaging, funny women. I don't have one of those gaping holes inside me where I'm looking for my missing puzzle piece or the stunning goddess who completes me or any of that Jerry McGuire shit. And, oh, yeah, I like friends, too. Would you like to be my friend? Also, historically, I've been somewhat of a complete spazz when it comes to finding people to play music with, as in "file under: social retard." I'd like to change that, too.

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Music:

Brian Wilson, Brian Wilson, Brian Wilson. And, Samuel Barber! Also, Scott Joplin, Captain Beefheart, Parliament/Funkadelic, Pavement, Hank Snow, Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, George Gershwin, John Coltrane, Mississippi John Hurt, Leo Kottke, Marvin Gaye, the Soul Stirrers, Animal Collective, Ulrich Schnauss, Billy Childish, Kayak, Brian Eno, the Lyres, Public Nuisance, Frank Jordan, Yo La Tengo, the Kinks, the Beatles, ABBA, Louis Armstrong, Lotte Lenya, Webb Pierce, Lightnin' Hopkins, Carlos Paredes, Os Mutantes, Huun Huur Tu, Miles Davis, Kraftwerk, Nina Simone, Ron Schmeck, the Cheap Suit Serenaders, Jimmie Dale Gilmore, Roy Orbison, the Meters, Bill Deal & the Rhondels, Joy Division, the Cure, Interpol, David Houston, Cake, Deathray, Th' Losin Streaks, Daisy Spot, the Proles, Las Pesadillas, Al Jolson, Bing Crosby, Santo & Johnny, Johnny Cash, the Cash Money Niggas, NWA, Basehead, Del tha Funkee Homosapien, the Ramones, My Morning Jacket, Cal Tjader, Moe Bandy, Eleni Mandell, Dwight Yoakam, Dwight Twilley, Big Star, Cheap Trick, William Ackerman, the Carter Family, Johnny Horton, Patsy Cline, k.d. lang, Merle Haggard, Buck Owens, Wynn Stewart, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Mel Torme, Little Jimmy Scott, Blossom Dearie, Todd Rundgren, Lucinda Williams, Shelby Lynne ... I could go on and on. Charles Ives, J.S. Bach, Debussy, Ravel, Steve Reich, Stephen Blumberg, the first Montrose album. Desmond Dekker & the Aces, fer chrissakes. Marcel facking Marceau.

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Movies:

Idiocracy, Starship Troopers, Mulholland Drive, V for Vendetta, Goodfellas, Casino, Godfather 1 and 2 but not 3, Magnolia, Wild Guitar, The Harder They Come, Donnie Darko, Office Space, Jean Cocteau's La Belle et La Bete, Land Without Bread, Satan's Cheerleaders, On the Waterfront, Chinatown, Glengarry Glen Ross, Devil Dog: Hound From Hell, Desperate Living, Mudhoney, Common-Law Cabin, Drunken Master II, The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeosie, Carnival of Souls, Basic Instinct, Showgirls, Dolemite, Peetie Wheatstraw, Disco Godfather, Sweet Sweetback's Badasssss Song, Blackula, Dracula, Frankenstein, The Creature From the Black Lagoon, Invaders From Mars, Them, Gojira, Triumph of the Will, The Producers, Putney Swope, Dazed & Confused ... (more later)

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Television:

Dragnet (the ones with hippies, especially), Columbo, Kojak, Banacek, The Streets of San Francisco, South Park, Cops, The Lefty Rosenthal Show (used to watch it before Monday Night Football when I lived in Vegas in the '70s; later it turned up in Casino), SCTV, The Dean Martin Show, Green Acres, Twin Peaks, Star Trek, Adam 12, The Honeymooners, just about any telenovela on Univision, just about any game show on Univision, Jeopardy, Dark Shadows, Ultraman, Strangers With Candy, The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, MTV's The Real World, Easy Living with Ron Schmeck, plus choice Foxaganda offerings: The O'Falafel Factor with Bill O'Falafel, Insanity & Comatose, How to Talk to Ann Coulter's Adam's Apple (Because We Must), etc.

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Books:

The Iliad, The Odyssey, The Aeneid, The Histories, A History of the Peloponessian War, A Confederacy of Dunces, Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch, VALIS, A Scanner Darkly, How to Speak Dog, The Devil's Dictionary, Psychotic Reactions & Carburetor Dung ... (more later)

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Heroes:

Jack Webb. Ignatius P. Reilly. Achilles, Hector, Odysseus, Themistocles, etc., etc., through to Peetie Wheatstraw and Dolemite. Y'know. the continuum.

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My Blog

The laws of attraction and thangs like that

I forget how I got on the e-mail list for The Secret. I think it might have had something to do with a period last year when I figured, quite wrongly in retrospect, that I could positive-think my pers...
Posted by Jackson Brian Griffith on Fri, 08 Jun 2007 05:18:00 PST

Why I may not be all that enamored with dentistry

Go ahead. You can say it. My teeth are crooked and definitely not Hollywood approved. I often get mistaken for an Englishman, except Limeys tend to be Lollipop Guild short, and I'm more on the Viking ...
Posted by Jackson Brian Griffith on Mon, 28 May 2007 11:31:00 PST

If I could program a network, this would be what you would see:

I wrote this a few years ago when I worked as an arts editor at our local weekly, but then I decided not to submit it for publication for fear our imperious and unfunny top editor (see: Tubby the Wine...
Posted by Jackson Brian Griffith on Sun, 27 May 2007 06:00:00 PST

Tubby the Wine Snob

In honor of a certain former boss landing a choice new gig at a chain- owned weekly paper in one of the West Coast's larger burgs, here's a blast of total fiction with characters who may or may not ha...
Posted by Jackson Brian Griffith on Sun, 27 May 2007 05:56:00 PST

Off the top of my head ....

Here it is, Memorial Day weekend. Traditionally, this is when everybody busts out the white shoes, white belts and Hawaiian shirts and demonstrates a modicum of bad taste. At least that was the way it...
Posted by Jackson Brian Griffith on Sat, 26 May 2007 05:03:00 PST

Sorry, man. I was, like, thoroughly toasted.

Well not literally, cause I stopped roasting bowls and knocking back cocktails a whle back. But figuratively, events have conspired to make me stay away from this place for months. Part of it is I did...
Posted by Jackson Brian Griffith on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Rubba-dub dubba!

My wife sez she loves reading my "blog." Gee, we'll have to disabuse her of that notion right now. Let's see, a few years ago, I posted some stuff on a music-biz board called the Velvet Rope, wh...
Posted by Jackson Brian Griffith on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man

Like many of us, I've become inured to the idea of having my daily space invaded by shit. Specifically, shitty musicas in, I was walking through the supermarket just mindlessly pushing my cart and tr...
Posted by Jackson Brian Griffith on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

What's the frequency, Kenneth? Where's the playground, Susie?

And Dan Rather is from Texas, and Glen Campbell is, I believe, from Oklahoma, even though he once sang about Galveston, and Texas and Oklahoma, even though they both elect pretty much nothing but Klen...
Posted by Jackson Brian Griffith on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Mi perro tiene respiración del catbox.

Yep. Wifey brought home this grown cat she got off these cranksters around the corner, with the idea that the cat would take care of our out-of-control mouse problem. The cat hid under our bed, and ou...
Posted by Jackson Brian Griffith on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST