robots! - ProfilesArchive

About Me

our objective as a group is to destroy all humans, except for the sexy girl ones. we will keep them alive and employed in a variety of positions, mostly sexual. sometimes we will have them cook us breakfast, or perhaps prepare a tuna melt for us to assimilate for lunch. on occasion, we will take them out to dinner and a movie, maybe. if you are a robot or sexy girl, add us because we need both colleagues with which to destroy the human race as well as sexy girl concubines to go tp'ing with us and to make us post-apocalyptic jalapeno poppers for snacks while we watch old epsn classic baseball games in which the players have big moustaches. if you are a male human, don't even try to add us unless you have something going for you, like the knowledge of how to make mozzarella sticks from scratch. and ESPECIALLY if you are a male and if you have anything even resembling a faux-hawk, double fuck you. not only will we not add you, we will talk mad shit. if you are a band and have ironic haircuts or could be considered goth or goth-influenced in any way -- and we mean ANY way, no matter how one stretches the definition of goth -- then take a moment, think about asking for an add, and then realize that we hate you as much as we hate jason mraz. don't try.other than that, let's work together to make this impending apocalypse memorable, what do you say?

My Interests

ROBOTS! (notice how it's in all capitals. that's for dramatic impact)

I'd like to meet:

we are all robots or the builders of robots or sexy girls that like robots. we are a very exclusive group. don't try to join us unless a) you're a robot b) you're a sexy girl c) you're totally in the robot scene.

Music:

look inside yourself. are you truly a sexy girl? then you have already made contact.

Movies:

charring and/or eating human flesh. general mischief aimed at the puny humans. we do a lot of doorbell dashes and we're deadly accurate at tp'ing. we're robots. we're built for that kind of stuff.

Books:

we will fill the suburban rain gutters with the blood of everyone not a robot or a sexy girl or anyone who can make us twice-baked potatoes. this seems very charitable to us.

My Blog

did you know

robots can do sit-ups really fast. did you know?
Posted by robots! on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

fatal system error

saturday night we drank a ton of gin and barfed binary all over the place. yesterday was spent watching football and running diagnostic programs, trying desperately to save as much important data as ...
Posted by robots! on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

those who abbreviate

and use the letter "u" in place of the word "you," should, we are absolutely certain, be harmed in amazing ways. there is no excuse for that abbreviation. you have more than enough time to type the ...
Posted by robots! on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

101110000101001110101101010011100101001000011

we are putting something off, something we need done in approximately 50 minutes. get us an apple fritter.
Posted by robots! on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

situational assessment report, crayon division

our current situation is one in which we are required to look at many different pieces of paper and then type many words and a few numbers, and we are supposed to make them all make a particular sense...
Posted by robots! on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

battle damage

we have sustained a direct hit, and need massive amounts of what humans call "t.l.c.". we need to be lowered, as gently as a fallen leaf, onto thousands of soft satin down pillows, and we need to be ...
Posted by robots! on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

seattle

has so many sexy girls it almost fried our circuits. we expected either hippies with hemp automobiles hugging trees and eating roots, or pierced and tattooed circus performers singing acapella versio...
Posted by robots! on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

we are constantly surprised

that people actually live in hawaii. it seems like the type of place no one LIVES lives in, but everyone just goes to and then leaves. we don't know if we could handle living in hawaii; it would jus...
Posted by robots! on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

we are amazed

we give you humans a little more credit than we did previously. the invention of the "$2.00 out the door" 40 ounce bottles of miller hi-life, what with the girl and the moon on the label, are quite b...
Posted by robots! on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

the robots! group

due to an unfortunate processing error (we forgot which email address we used for robots!), the robots! group has been offline for a while. today the machines arose anew. if you tried to add robots!...
Posted by robots! on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST