J-J-J-John profile picture

J-J-J-John

Awful and Awesome are the siamese twins of retarded parents.

About Me

I play music and with myself as much as possible. But never in a perverted way in either case. I collect various rocks and dirt and the occasional food stain down the front of my usually well-ironed and recently washed shirt. Sometimes I pick my nose, but never when anyone's looking, that would be gross. I always eat horribly unhealthy food and hate expensive clothes and cars. I love Ovaltine and swiss cheese.

My Interests

Flying U.F.O.'s and probing rednecks.

I'd like to meet:

Dave Grohl, Steve Buscemi, Santa Claus

Music:

Nirvana, Foo Fighters, John Williams, New Maximum Donkey, Arlo, Danny Elfman, Aerosmith, Beverly Hills Cop theme song, Pink Floyd, Glen Miller, Herbie Hancock, Quincy Jones, The Sorcerer's Apprentice, Soundgarden, the NBA theme song, many Led Zep songs, weezer, the bangs, elastica, veruca salt, p.o.t.u.s.a., The Beatles, the Kinks, jimi hendrix, neil young, U2, Cream(certain songs), Devo, Kevin Eubanks and the Tonight Show band (just kidding), etc, etc....

Movies:

Flight of the Navigator, Rad, Top Gun, Goonies, Explorers, Office Space, Half-Baked, Star Wars' 4,5&6, close Encounters of the 3rd kind, Punch Drunk Love, Airplane, Spaceballs,

Television:

Alf, A-team, fragglerock, simon&simon, rockford files, The Simpsons, Star Trek (origional series), Conan O'brien, Saturday Night Live, SCTV, Mad TV, South Park, Drawn together, anything nostalgic that's not utterly retarded.

Books:

"Hop on Pop", "Red Fish Blue Fish One Fish Two Fish" (i think that's how it goes), Newbury award winning "Clifford the Big Red Dog" (in the PBS cartoon version the voice of clifford is played by the late John Ritter), "A Calf is Born" (courtesy of the good folks down at William Morrow & Co. Publishing), and many, many, MANY other works of advanced reading such as these.

Heroes:

Jeezee-E and the Hostile Apostiles, Mozee-O and the Jewvees, Lazy Lazarus and the Death Jukers, Pontius P and his Packin' Perilous Peeps, Judas Quaaludas, and Queen Teresa the muthaflippin' Gal-cutta'.

My Blog

"Fuck you!" he said politely.

Being depressed is hard. I'm not saying it's a hard time while being depressed, I'm saying it's hard for me to try to be depressed because I'll always think of an idea that will make me laugh like a ...
Posted by Bob's your uncle. on Mon, 18 Jun 2007 12:41:00 PST

Bodies

So who invented bodies anyway?  Whoever it was must be a class-A double douche.  Mine is always going numb when I lay on it wrong, always getting hungry when I forget to feed it, getting dir...
Posted by Bob's your uncle. on Mon, 04 Jun 2007 01:22:00 PST

England is cold

So here I am at the Hampstead Britainnia Hotel with insomnia.  England is cold.  It snowed all day yesterday but none of it stuck.  I've been doing like 5 miles a day on foot because I ...
Posted by Bob's your uncle. on Wed, 21 Mar 2007 08:03:00 PST

It's all bologna!

People make up words all the time.  Some of them are cool like "fidget" or "onomonopoeia" but others are stupid like "god" or "lord."  It's fine if you wan't to indulge in spiritualty or wha...
Posted by Bob's your uncle. on Fri, 30 Jun 2006 01:11:00 PST

Dr. Garlic Salt

    Ok, how come no one delivers the stuff I want?  Where's the Cold Stone ice cream delivery guys?  Where's the truck that plays music while it drives down the street carryin...
Posted by Bob's your uncle. on Tue, 21 Feb 2006 11:48:00 PST

Wait, a minute! (The power and confusion of commas.)

O.K.  First off, since when was "web log" such a long phrase that it needed to be condensed to the far more confusing and stupid word, "blog?"  It just proves that we are evolving ...
Posted by Bob's your uncle. on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Huh?

So, uh, ahem, uugggh, ahhh, that's better. Well let's see, what happened today? Oh yeah, I ate some Pizza, a slice of Meunster cheese, had the brakes fixed on the old Lambourghini, yelled at the mai...
Posted by Bob's your uncle. on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST