The boys in the Dirty Little Rock Band have led interesting lives. Raised by a tight nit group of raccoons they learned to appreciate abstract art and to share. One day they met a wandering guru who said to them, "I used to be on Wall Street. Now I'm broke and I smell! Got a cigarette?" These words would change Greg Martin, Sam Barnett, Chance Shirley and Walon Smith forever. Instead of following through with their plans to take over McDonalds and turn it into a franchised crack house they made plans to travel, play music and stink.They're first efforts went well. In fact they conquered several Birmingham bars, festivals and Jr. High Schools. After only a hand full of shows they got an offer from Vulcan Records to record an album, however the initial meeting didn't go well. Executives were horrified at the bands behavior during negotiations. Smith walked into the offices with a dog on a leash and Barnett led a young girl on one as well. As Vulcan President Jay Cooper began his pitch Barnett began spanking the girl who kept screaming and moaning with each blow. Not to be out done, Smith smeared peanut butter on his scrotum and had the dog lick it off. Before Cooper and his staff could really deal with what was going on, Shirley passed out from the gallon of George Dickle he'd polished off and Martin leaned forward, to assert the groups expectations."So when do we get our money cuz, those hookers on 4th Avenue aren't going to pay themselves."It was at this point that Vulcan decided that the Dirty Little Rock Band was just too much to handle. To quote Jay Cooper, "These guys make Motley Crue look like the Statler Brothers. I'd sooner be butt raped by Ron Jeremy than to have anything to do with them."Despite these set backs, the Dirty Little Rock Band kept at it. They continued to make strong impressions on the industry."Skilled musicians steeped in irony, absurdity and vulgarity. Not for the dull of wit!"-Adam Stermer, Barnstormers, Montevallo, Alabama"Those guys kick some major ass! Just keep them away from your liquor and your women."- Jon Kelly, Full Moon Music and Full Blown Productions, Birmingham, Alabama"Those guys owe me money! And they wrecked my house! I hate 'em!"- Bo Bice.After being asked to open a benefit for needy children in Birmingham they were immediately shut down and ostracized when they opened the show with their soul single, "Toss My Funky Salad". The local League of Concerned and Uptight Women squashed the boys faster than the Wayans Brothers make crappy films. Later the band was tossed out of a Klan rally when they kept screaming "Don't be hatin', Baby got back!"The following week the Dirty Little Rock Band released another single titled "I Don't Need You Cuz I Can Still Jerk Off". This song went to number seven on the rock charts and number five on the country charts. Martin, Barnett, Shirley and Smith celebrated by knocking over a liquor store and crashing a slumber party held by some Hueytown High cheerleaders. To make matters worse, they were later arrested on top of Red Mountain in Birmingham building a giant statue of King Kong with a king sized erection while a pile of cheerleaders vomited at their feet.The band is out on bail now and has big things expected from them. When asked about their future plans Shirley had this to say, "Get that fucking tape recorder out of my face before I shove it up your Mamma's ass!"Martin added, "The Dirty Little Rock Band will never stop. We will conquer the south if it takes naked chicks, loud amplifiers and weapons off mass destruction. We are rock n' roll. We are nasty. We are... What was I talking about?"
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