No ordinary band so, why should they have an ordinary blog? That's why there's Candy Krumdiek's advice column SUCK ON THIS! Having relationship problems? Trouble at work? Just need to whine about pointless crap that no one else in their right mind would listen to? Well, ask Candy about it. She's got life experience, degrees (supposedly) and mystic powers of the unknown (so she claims). So, send questions to Candy. Come on, what have you got to loose?
THE BAND:
Bobby Joe Thorazine
A fine specimen of a Rock N' Roller. He formed his first band with Brian Teasley (of Man Or Astro Man?), Daniel Ferris (of Lunasect) and Kenn McCracken (of the Exhibit(s)), called the Well Dressed Dead. After this bizarre attempt at music failed Thorazine continued to work with Birmingham's best and brightest including Eric McGinty, Bridget Ros (of Vessels of Sin), Eric Waters, the Kelly Brothers (Full Moon Blanket), Walon Smith, Chance Shirly an a variety of others. Later he became a founding member of the Southeastern Name-Droppers Association, making it a breeze to make himself sound more important by citing work with other, more successful people. When Thorazine's last project, the Dirty Little Rock Band folded after several reckless, debauched years he put his talents on the market and was scooped up by K. Lugosi. Currently they practice in a burned up house and complain a lot.
Tim Bloodjen
Tim started his Bass playing career in an all-instrumental rock tribute band. After playing “Moby Dickâ€, “YYZâ€, and “Frankenstein†over 500 times,he decided he was ready for something more. Having come from a long line of lycanthropes, he knew his gig nights would be interrupted by full moonsevery month, so he promptly made a deal with the devil to grant him notransformations on gig nights. Instead, he would wake the day after a full moon covered in fur. Tim started bassing with a number of bands to help pay for the expense of monthly body waxing. Soon after he met K and Bobby Joe at a Halloween zombie feeding frenzy, and decided to dedicate his bass skills to the Dagger Dolls, where he felt he could inflict the most damage on humanity.
K. Lugosi
The illegitimate child of Bela Lugosi, torn between her lust for human blood and Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Not quite vampire enough to need human blood to exist, she quinches her cravings with the devilish deliciousness of creme filling and powdered sugar. When the lust for blood wins she does enjoy dining on the ignorant and insipid. This being the case, she often times finds herself in attendence of the B'Ham City Council meetings. Once a month on Tuesday its an all-u-can-eat buffet !! Careful now... to much will make you fat and lazy !!! Be aware she never indulges in such before a gig. To keep her drum beating at a fevered frenzy she prefers to fuel herself with caffine and sugar !!
...And who could forget our very special spiritual leader/councilor/accountant/attorney/fan-club president/etc.
Candy Krumdiek was born in a commune in North Dakota devoted to the worship of General Foods, the company responsible for producing Tang. This was the result of a belief by the commune founders that we were all soon to be living in outer space and needed vision and preparation, not to mention nourishment (oddly enough, they also used Pop Rock as communion). Due to the nature of the commune (sharing ALL things communally) Candy is unsure who her biological parents were, though it is rumored that Elvis Presley made an appearance in the area about nine months before she was born in 1983. Candy has always felt a strong connection to the king.
The leaders of the commune were arrested in 1989 for trafficking pirated Bay City Roller records, leaving Candy in the hands of the local orphanage which was run by a group of renegade nuns who were intent on bringing about the second coming. At the age of eighteen, Candy was freed from the orphanage and released into the world with only the clothes on her back. Fortunately, a traveling carnival was in town and a few of the carnies took an interest in the plight of the young girl, taking her under their wing and training her in the arts of palm reading and ferris wheel repair. She studied under Madame Servbiskitza, the carnival's psychic extraordinaire, and at the tender age of nineteen received her first vision from Hunter S. Thompson. It was shortly after this vision that she met the Dagger Dolls, who were playing to an empty house one night in the town of Slapout, Alabama. Stuck at the bar after getting into a drunken brawl with another patron which ensued following an argument over who would win in a fight, Noam Chomsky or Margaret Mead, Candy was mesmerized by the Dagger Dolls' wild stage antics and ability to hold their liquor. After the show, she shared with them her vision of the future, and the band asked her to join them on the road to guide them spiritually and financially (as Candy had also been the bookie for the carnies and a palm reader, allowing her to learn the ins and outs of handling money and supposedly seeing the future), or at least that's the way Candy remembers it.
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