joseph profile picture

joseph

When life hands me lemons and I go to make lemonade...I usually just get squirted in the eye.

About Me

.. About me?I'm guess I was born into one of those generations that seems to be an eye witness to change. I can reach back into the dusty shelves of my memory bank and pull out stuff now only seen on the History Channel. For instance, as a youngster who had just been transplanted from the potato fields of Idaho to Cleveland, I lived a few doors away from a blacksmith shop. I'd visit and watch the owners (twin brothers) go about repairing metal things that I'm sure today have been all melted down and are part of my Buick now. The one brother even asked once if I would like to be an apprentice some day. I should have taken him up on it, but I was too enamored by the new jet planes and a thing called an 'automatic transmission' then to pay much mind to the old ways. There were still horse and wagons going about our neighborhood. One picked up cloth and rags...He was the 'Rag man'. He'd take his old wagon pulled by an even older swaybacked horse and yell out "Rags, Rags fo' da rag man here". I guess he made a living doing that. The vegetable man had a horse and cart too. He'd be yelling, "Water melon" but He pronounced it "Waaa ta maa loooon" In kind of a song like fashion. He was an old Italian fella who didn't speak much English but still knew how to give us the 'one arm' salute when we made fun of him. My neighborhood was on a hillside. When the watermelon man made a turn, many times some fruit or even a full grown water melon would role off the cart and us kids would grab it up before he could stop.Cars didn't have air conditioning and you started them by turning the key then stepping on the starter pedal and gas at the same time. Why one of those beast could fit 19 or 104 of us kids easily in it. Two laying up in the back window and the rest crammed onto a bench seat 38 feet wide! Not a seat belt was seen back then. If the brakes were jammed on...well, we just became a kind of like superman. Those old steel dash boards were kind of unforgiving though.I graduated High school knowing how to wield a mean slide rule. Back then you had to be accomplished in Algebra, Trigonometry, Geometry, and Calculus English literature and History to graduate. E-bonics? Slap my grandma! I fished in Lake Erie. I'd go up to Vermilion where the fishing fleet would bring in their catches of huge Lake Erie Perch. Those fleets along with their long nets stretched out in the sun to dry are now long gone. If the Perch we caught were small, less than 12 inches, we'd toss 'em back and wait until they got big before claiming them a keeper. My fondest memory is of hanging out at the rail yards with my friends. If we were lucky, an Engineer would let us hop on board one of those coal fire breathing, steam spewing behemoths and let us ride it to the end of the yard. My God they were powerful! It's no wonder back then we thought the USA was the strongest nation in the world. Who else could build such a beast?Well, those days are long gone and now I sit typing (is it still called typing or keyboarding?) onto a laptop that is somehow connected to an mysterious ether that lets my words be read by the world. My world sure has changed a lot. From Sod buster to city fella, back to rancher then down to the Florida beaches etc etc. (Short abbreviated story here but you get the idea.) Change sure has been part of my life.One thing that hasn't changed...Humor. I still think a man slipping on a banana peel is funny! I actually saw that happen as a kid and vowed to remember it...I did. Laughter is generation to generation without change. What's funny may change, but being funny never changes. Just ask my kids...they all say I'm kind of 'funny in the head'. Speaking of kids, I got four of them. Proud of every one of 'em too.If you visited my site here, write me and say "Hi". Let me know who you are! I think myspace is such a great place to meet people from the world over. Nice to meet all of you.
You have been marked on my profile map!

My Interests

I like Reading. Lots of natural science, physics and stuff. History and adventure books are really cool too. One is fact the other is fantasy, what a great combo! Just like real life. I like building 1800 wooden sailing ships too. They take a year or two to build but you can stick notes inside of them so when some idiot in the future drops the damn thing and it spews it's guts out then they can read the note I left them. Here's an example. "Thanks for breaking me you stupid cluts, By the way I hid 2 million dollars in the house by the ..." and then you rub out the rest so it's not very readible. It'll serve them right. Let'em destroy the house looking for my cash...like I got any! I would love to learn how to play the Pans.( chrome plated tenor steel drums made in Trinidad.) Kids...Hint, hint. (Bastards are deaf to hints, the most I'll ever get from them is a CD of some idiot playing pans like he has cerebral palsey) I still like watching Bull riding Rodeo's and going to cattle auctions now and then. The smell of horse plop and the sight of a chew plug being spit 30 feet just does something for a man. ( Probably gives him a brain tumor is what it does). I'll have to ask my friend Eustice about that. I think He swallows his though.

I'd like to meet:

My maker I guess. Sooner or later we all will have to face him, whether or not at this present time you believe He even exist. So I figure I better be on proper terms with Him. After all, would you really want to piss off God then be standin there lookin like a Bozo in front of Him? Now that being said, there are plenty of people I would love to meet right here on good ol Terra Firma. Now take that beauty Alessandra Ambrosio for instance. I'd like to meet Her and tell her how much I enjoy looking at her pictures in the Victoria Secrets catalog. Those are the ones that my wife leaves laying around the bathroom all marked up with notes on each page on what she's going to buy. Oh heck yeah, I read 'em while I spend my time practicing my bronco busting on the 'ol porcelain hobby horse in the bathroom. ( That's Her picture below in the bathing suit) I have to limit my explorations into the Victoria Secret catalog though, a man can only take so much before his eyes explode and his pants catch on fire. Being serious now...I would love to meet you people who look at my profile from other countries. I am especially interested in Asian cultures, Europe and places like New Zealand and stuff. I wish I were able to travel but since I can't, please leave me a note and say Hello from your part of the world!

Music:

(Read between the lines here.) I once took a crap so big that it took my breath away! The most I was able to breathlessly utter afterward was "...rap,what a big piece of shit!"I do like other real music forms though. Like Reggea, Cuban influenced calypso, Western, you know,the typical Country Western where your dog is run over by your mama who is your baby sister and just got pregnant in your sons pickup truck by a chaw addicted lesbian with a sex change. That's what's tuned onto my radio in the Buick but I also like the old cowboy songs the Braun brothers or like Roy Rodgers used to sing. All in all I'm still partial to female Country singers though. I mean you got to admit there's nothing sexier than a girl in western boots and a hat with a very flat belly singing about how she can't find a man to settle down with ( other than her uncle or brother). Now that kind of visual image places a Goth babe somewhere about one on a one to ten scale...with Ten being Carrie Underwood and a one being Whoopie Goldberg.I used to like the singer Jewel until one day when She and her Mom who were living in their car in Alaska ( as all rich big star singers say they used to do before being 'dicovered') jumped out and bitch slapped me with her $19,000 Alverez guitar 'cause I just happened to mention to her that it's a good thing Alaska's such a big state because of how fat her ass was getting. Her and Anthony kalidascope from the 'Chilli Peppers' out to get married and have a bunch of vagrant retard kids living under the bridge in a car with them. But my secret musical love is from Asia. Listen to the 12 girl band and you'll find what makes me feel at peace.

Movies:

Oh man they run the gauntlet. As far as guy flick ones go I really like the western ones that Tom Selek plays in Like Quigley down under. I like Lonesome Dove and Broken Trail too. Kevin Costner plays in some good movies too like 'Open Range'. As far as females in movies...well, I gotta admit I'm partial to the good looking ones. Maud just doesn't do anything for me except make me cringe. Penelope Cruz is good. Oh yeah, I LOVE what's her name too. Cripe, I can' t remember her name now. The girl who Plays Nurse Betty. Yeah, that girl Now I sure like those western movies where men were men and women all available and good looking but one western movie I couldn't cotton up to was Broke Back Mountain. Now bein gay is your own business and I even been to gay bars with gay friends of mine. Gentle creatures all. But...Don't take no dang gone cowboy and have him drop his chaps in front of another fella. Ain't nothin sacred no more?

Television:

Oh boy! I do love my shows. Like "the most dangerous catch". I do so love all you can eat Crab legs! Then I like the History Channel and Fox News. Say what you want to at least it ain't no cry baby liberal CNN crap! Read my blogs and you'll see why I could never be a Socialist er...Democrat. I love my Capitalism!

Books:

Well, some of you may laugh or call me a fool but the Bible is still my most favorite book. It comforts me when my heart aches, gives me strength to put up with idiots and mistakes I make, teaches me right from wrong in a world that tells you anything goes and when I pass from this world it says I'll be led by the hand by the only person who ever loved me enough to die for me and wrote about it for others to read too.

Heroes:

What the heck is a hero? I guess if somebody pulled my flaming ass out of a burning house I'd call them a hero. It's a word that's become the town prositute. The only thing I could ever really put the word 'Hero' to is a soldier. Instead of my ass dodging bullets and bombs they take the hit for me so I can enjoy my Captain Morgan private stock at an open air Tiki bar next to the ocean. You better thank your stars for people like them. Hoo Rah! If you can't then you'd better snuggle up to ol' "I'm OK, You're OK" buck tooth Jimmy Carter or soldier hating Bill and Hillary Clinton and end up going down in history as the biggest retard losers in our lifetime. OMG if she becomes President then goodbye wallet, and Hello socialism.

My Blog

Can I ask you this question?

I am constantly amazed at how humans are like ostriches. Bury your head in the sand and all your troubles will go away. When I was in the medical field and stood listening to a patent on their d...
Posted by joseph on Sat, 09 Jun 2007 07:12:00 PST

Putting history into focus by using Cino de Mayo

Too many people have near sightedness when it comes to world events. They can't see how one event relates to another even years or continents apart. This is what being a history buff is all about...be...
Posted by joseph on Sat, 05 May 2007 06:36:00 PST

We lost the war? Then who won?

When I heard Harry Reid tell the world "We (USA) lost the war", I nearly shit my pants!  How can this guy not be charged with aiding and abetting the enemy? If what Harry said was true then I hav...
Posted by joseph on Wed, 25 Apr 2007 03:41:00 PST

Is that a banana in your pants or are you about to tax me?

Well, well, well. It's been a while since I ranted and raved and even now I feel a calmness about myself I am unused to. Am I growing up or just resigning myself to defeat? Who knows, I hope it's bec...
Posted by joseph on Fri, 30 Mar 2007 02:40:00 PST

Ranting and raving with a purpose

Well it's been awhile since I ranted and raved but then there's been a constant slow change in my life so instead of going off half cocked as normal I'll just lay out my thoughts and let you decide i...
Posted by joseph on Sat, 17 Feb 2007 06:47:00 PST

Sherman and Mr. Peabody explain terrorism

  Will this be the 'Santa Claus' that in the end ,replaces Jesus? http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank">..http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g268/summeru4ia/blindshe ik.jpg" border="0" alt="Phot...
Posted by joseph on Sun, 17 Sep 2006 05:59:00 PST

How do I love thee, let me count the ways...

Well, I'm a year older now. Oh the wisdom of age is just pouring in like a flood!My first few blogs I ranted and raved of the ills of life, the stupidity of human beings...a lot of judging went on.&nb...
Posted by joseph on Sun, 29 Oct 2006 06:20:00 PST

Lemons in the eye and who's your daddy?

     While reading some blogs on 'MySpace' the other day, I was struck by the terrible loneliness displayed on so many of them. My heart ached reading them. How I wanted to hold each on...
Posted by joseph on Mon, 16 Oct 2006 06:36:00 PST

Tattoo's and WTF was I thinking?

 I have a tattoo. It's small, a heart on the inside of my wrist. I'm not one to body paint myself for fear that next year whatever I put on will make me look like an A Hole.  I don't put any...
Posted by joseph on Sun, 10 Sep 2006 10:53:00 PST

How did I ever get the way I am?

 While talking on the phone the otherday with a friend He asked me how I ever became so conservative. He reminded me that in our youth I was a totaly rebelious dude. Oh I did the 1969  Washi...
Posted by joseph on Wed, 05 Jul 2006 03:25:00 PST