Grammar Lady - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Listen up, you mother FUCKERS. I have grown so weary in trying to make sense of your idiot profiles, due to your lacking apparently even the most basic 6th-grade grammatical concepts.
If English is not your mother tongue, then nevermind; I am not addressing you. It's the rest of you COCK-smoking ASStards who claim to be currently attending a university, or (Lord help us all) those of you who say you actually possess a degree from an accredited institution and yet STILL cannot fathom the difference between "your" and "you're," "its" and "it's," "two," "to," and "too" who are the subject of my wrath here.
So, you're 21 and the whole world wants to bang you. Congratulations. Do you think your tan / hairdo / boobs / biceps will carry you forever, despite coming off as a card-carrying RETARD to everyone who's ever finished reading a book without pictures?
Spend a little time here with me, good children, and learn how to FUCKING communicate intelligently using the GOD-DAMNED language you were raised speaking! CHRIST!

My Interests

Grammar, spelling, punctuation, and the proper use thereof.

I'd like to meet:

Dewey Decimal. Rawr!

Also, why don't a few of you hot young Internet studs display a little class and court a lady with some smarts (instead of those vapid MySpace trollops who misspell every other word and post pictures with their hoo-hahs hanging out).

Music:

Brahms, Rossini, Bach, most string quartets (as long as the pieces they choose aren't too lively!), Stravinsky, Van Halen (my grandson burned a copy of Fair Warning for me... and I have to say it rocked party balls), Gregorian Monks, and that lovely man Ray Charles.

Television:

My heavens, no.

Books:

The Gregg Reference Manual, The Oxford English Dictionary (not that weak Merriam Webster pussy shit!), The Joy of Lex, The Macmillan Guide to English Grammar.

Heroes:

Mrs. Doubtfire

My Blog

What I'm dealing with, here, people

manny rodDec 20, 2004 08:59 PMhello, I found some grammer errors on your page! Tha Sac english major! Grammar LadyDec 20, 2004 09:08 PMhello, I found some grammer errors on your page! Tha...
Posted by Grammar Lady on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Lesson #4: Dangling Participles

A hearty hello to all of you young grammarians reading this! Let us now cinch our grammar belts tight for today's lesson: dangling participles. While the phrase "dangling participles" often elicits...
Posted by Grammar Lady on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Ask Grammar Lady: Split Infinitives

Gorgeous George and the GeorgetonesDec 7, 2004 07:33 AMGRAMMAR LADY!!! i need help. i have to do a class presentation on split-infinitives. what the hell is a split infinitive???Dear Mr. Gorgeous G...
Posted by Grammar Lady on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Lesson #3: Etymology

Greetings young grammarians! Let's don our grammar aprons and fasten the strings tightly so that we may begin today's lesson: etymology. Etymology is the study of words' roots and underpinnings. I...
Posted by Grammar Lady on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Somebody tickled the Grammar Lady's funny bone

Yesterday I was shown an email sent to a friend, in which the sender claimed to be a "prolithic writer." While the Grammar Lady has no official leaning either pro or con on things stone-related, I did...
Posted by Grammar Lady on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Enemies of Grammar!

The Grammar Lady recently had a rather lively debate with a young man about some of his grammar-related challenges. I must say, he became quite heated during the exchange! Apparently he related our co...
Posted by Grammar Lady on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Lesson #2: Our Tiny Friend, the Apostrophe

Hello to all of you out there in Grammar Land! I hope today finds you well, and anxious to begin today's lesson: apostrophes. Thank you for taking a few minutes out of your busy schedules downloading ...
Posted by Grammar Lady on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Why slang is beneficial

For the sake of this essay, let's define slang as elements of or conventions within a language that defy the existing rules and structure of that language. The things that separates slang from pur...
Posted by Grammar Lady on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Ask Grammar Lady 11-24-2004

"grammarlady whats ur prob? dont u have some body better to pick on?"Excuse me? One moment young man, while I feed your query through the Reverse-Retard-O-Tron. Aha! Now I believe I understand the gis...
Posted by Grammar Lady on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Lesson #1: Prepositions

Greetings young grammarians! Today we will explore the exciting realm of prepositions and prepositional phrases. So put on your grammar helmets and buckle up for our first lesson together!One definiti...
Posted by Grammar Lady on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST