I'm a former US Marine and Iraq war veteran. I was an activated reservist and deployed to Eastern Iraq (the Iranian border) in March of 2003. Two months later I was medi-vac'd out and flew back to Camp Pendleton for surgery. My injury was not combat related.
Upon returning from Iraq, because of my growing concerns about the war...how it was not making my nation safer, how the Iraqis were suffering horribly for no reason, because my fellow service members were being injured and dying in a country that had nothing to do with September 11th, and because of my strong convictions that the invasion was part of a plan that had more to do with corporate gains than thwarting terrorists...I made the difficult decision to exit the military. I could no longer be a part of a war that I knew to be illegal under the Geneva Conventions and wholly immoral. It was the most difficult decision of my life.
I could not in good conscience apply for discharge as a contentious objector. To be a contentious objector, one has to believe that it is against his religious or spiritual convictions to take up arms against another human. I had been, up to the time of my return, and still was willing to kill to defend defenseless people, protect my nation and preserve the Constitution of the United States. Although it has taken me years to admit it, I probably would have relished taking the life of a tyrant who out of cruelty or greed had caused innocent people to suffer.
I did have a way out. I was (am) gay and I knew that all I had to do was to admit that publicly and, since this nation still does not allow for openly gay men and women to serve in the military, unless they changed that (archaic and inane) policy, they would have to discharge me. It was a way out but it was not an “easy†way out. My straight buddies in the Marine Corps had known all along that I was gay. They knew, as they have told me over and over that my sexuality would never affect my commitment to them, to the Corps or my country. They knew that I would never do anything to compromise their trust of me and that I would give my life if called to, to protect them.
That was not the only thing that made it difficult to use “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell†to be discharged and speak out in opposition to the war. I had known and been friends with other gay men and women who had served our nation valiantly in the military since WWII. My oldest friend, Al who is now 93, was a Navy corpsman and helped put marines back together in the Second World War. My dear friend (like an adopted grandfather) Eric, was a Marine Sergeant in Korea and fought at Chosin Reservoir. He was gay. I must say I’ve never met a marine more proud of his service than Eric. He lived with me for the last year and a half of his life until he died in our home on July 4th, 2005 (a patriot to the end!) And of course I have known many gay folk who served in Vietnam, the first Gulf War and in my war. For all of these I’ve known and for the hundreds of thousands of gay men and women who have fought and died for this country which did and does treat them like second class citizens, for all those who are fighting so hard to end the ban, I felt like I would be betraying them to actually use the discriminating policy purposefully. The way I thought about it when I joined up, the best thing we could do to end the ban is just keep serving in silence and doing our very best. If enough of us served our tours, excelled and lead other to excellence, then when enough of us said upon exiting the military, “Yes, and I’m also gay.†Then maybe, finally this nation would wake up when it comes to homosexuality and military service.
Still, it was no easy decision. I called up all my buddies and told them what I was going to do. I knew that if I stayed in the Marine Corps I would deploy again. I already knew that BushCo had no intention of stopping with Iraq. I had been fortunate enough not to have taken innocent life during my first deployment and I wasn’t about to tempt fate. I knew that I could do more for the Iraqis, for America and for my fellow service members by speaking out than by staying in. If thought I could save one more life by keeping my mouth shut and marching forward, I’d be there today.
I went on CNN as Paula Zahn’s guest and came out of the closet to five million people. To go back in the closet now, I’d have to go to another planet. That day I explained to the world what I had learned in Iraq; that this so called “War on Terrorism†was nothing more than a front to fill the pockets of the rich on the blood of the poor. You can’t fight a war on a tactic. There never has been, nor will there ever be a Country of Terrorism with a military and a leader who would someday sit down with our president and sign a treaty that says, “Alright, you kicked our ass. No more terrorism.†The invasion of Iraq and every single day of the subsequent occupation have made America and the dwindling number of nations who call us their allies less and less safe.
That day on CNN, I announced the founding of a non-profit organization called The Mehadi Foundation (www.MehadiFoundion.org) and although my political opinions are now very widely known, the foundation is non-political and non-partisan. Our only purpose is to help retuning veterans and support philanthropic efforts in Iraq. The best thing we can do at this point to make ourselves safer is to let the rest of the world know that all Americans do not want to kill them and in fact many want to help people be they American, Iraqi or any other nationality. When I returned from Iraq, I was filled with anger and sadness. It almost consumed me. With God’s help, I was able to transform all those dark feelings into motivation to try and do some good with what’s left of my life. To my way of thinking, no dark room was ever made light by brining more darkness. Since that time, I stay busy with peace activism, veterans’ advocacy and running my foundation.
While I was in Iraq, I kept a journal which I shared with my fellow marines as a form of entertainment and fellowship. When I got home, I developed those journals into a one-man performance piece called The Eyes of Babylon. It opened in Los Angeles in June of 2004. I have performed it in many different places around our great nation and it continues to tour. It is a wonderful way for me to be able to share my spiritual journey with others who are genuinely interested in what a returning veteran has to say. It has been a great way to open up dialogue about the war, to bridge gaps between those of varying opinions and for us all to try and heal our wounds, even as the injury continues. I am very blessed in my life. I am surrounded by angels. I have a wonderful partner whom I love and with his family, my family has doubled in size. Our friends are such a blessing, they seem more like family too.
I still go through very dark times sometimes when I look at the news and see how little things have changed in the years since I first spoke out. But I have hope. Traveling through the cities and backwoods country of these United States, I have found the America that I had thought was lost. There are still wonderful people here who care about doing what’s right, even when it is unpopular. This is still the land of the free and the home of the brave and there are still folk who realize that great privilege and power come with equally great responsibility. I still believe in liberty and justice and no matter what “they†do to me, no one can steal that from me.
I am so grateful for my relationship with God. That’s where my true joy comes from. There are those who hate me for what I have done. By grace, I’m able to see them through God’s eyes and I can honestly say I don’t hate them. In fact, I love them too. It’s easy to love those who love and admire you. The real challenge is to love those who’d just soon see you dead. They did not give me my joy so they can never take it away. Maybe someday we’ll all figure it out; that we are all connected, that there is really enough for everyone, that violence only breeds violence and that nobody wins a war.
The Showtime Network has made a documentary about my story. It includes parts of my play and interviews with my family, friends and fellow Marines. It aired first on Showtime on Monday, June 25 at 8:30 pm and continues to run intermittently on their several networks (www.Sho.com). I hope something about my journey can help you in yours... ..
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