Disco naps, disco biscuits, green sweaters, bald stuff, and science dorks.
I'd like to meet:
1) My maker;
2) Anyone who owns a Texas Instruments Speak 'n Spell;
3) The boss. Who is he? Tony Danza;
4) Anyone who has never written "WASH ME" on a dirty car;
5) People who can spell and speak in full sentences;
6) Anyone who may have gone to summer camp with me back in Medford, NJ. M-A-T-O-L-L-I-O-N-E-Q-U-A-Y.
7) People who eschew whimsical spelling and internetisms. Like "lolz." What the hell is lolz? "Mwahz." What the hell *is* that? There's no z! Why the z?
8) Glen Livet.
9) Glen Fidich.
10) Glen Morangie.
I'd also like to meet:
1) Ign'ant ass mofos
2) Crooks
3) Liars
4) Neocons who don't have horns growing out of their heads (I challenge you to find me one.)
I'd really REALLY like to meet:
1) Anyone who can explain a non-violent method of taking down a psychopath without having said psychopath slash my tires or kill my dog.
2) Anyone who can spell and knows the difference between "you're" and "your". And NO, "ur" is not a good compromise. "ur" isn't a fucking word- further, it isn't really faster than writing "your" or "you're" anygoddamnway. (I know this is a variation of number 5 above, but you can never place too much emphasis on spelling and good grammar (ahem, youknowwhoyouare);
3) A well-constructed sentence;
4) Anyone who'd like to pitch in on a party fo sho.
Music:
LE HIP HOP: Thinking man's hip hop like Digable Planets, Blackalicious, Mos Def, Talib Kweli, Public Enemy, Dilated Peoples, People Under the Stairs, Kanye West (ok, here's my take on kanye. i thought he had good shit to say when he first dropped (except that diamonds are forever nonsense... diamonds have the fucking blood of africans on them. period. end of story. now he's kind of a gucci douchebag. ok, a total douchebag.) A Tribe Called Quest, The Pharcyde, Tupac, J5, Common, Wu-Tang Clan and yadda yadda yadda.
I do not like bullshit hip hop like "Fiddy". I do like Ludacris because although he raps about bling and midgets on necklaces, he seems to have a sense of humor/tongue in cheek thing going on which I appreciate. Plus, mofo was good in Crash. I do not like bullshit cheesy R&B. Sorry Beyonce. Your shit is wack. As is your weave. And Jennifer Hudson outplayed you in Dreamgirls. Although she's supposed to be sucking in a diva way right now. Wait, what was the question?
L'ELECTRONICA:
i love these fucking guys. love.
I like shit that blows my mind at 9 am, 4 pm, or 4 am like DROOG, Justin Sloe, ASO, DJ Griffin, The Peasants (the uprising is at hand), Robots (will take over the world), Booka Shade, Mylo, M.A.N.D.Y., Sasha, King Unique, Steve Lawler, Luciano, Radio Slave, and Damian Lazarus [duh, jangles].
LE BLACK FOLKS: Stevie Wonder, Otis Redding, Curtis Mayfield, Aretha, Michael Jackson (back when he was black) Ray Charles, India.Arie, Madxwell, Prince, D'Angelo, Justin Timberlake. (just kiddin', he ain't black. And I don't like him. Except Sexyback. Kind of embarrassingly makes me want to rock out. Eminem (i know he ain't black either, but he's close enough), The Marshall Mathers LP really stands the test of time. Give it another go. Or shut the hell up.
LE WHITE FOLKS: Shut it. My mom is a white Jew. White Folks are my peeps too.
Led Zeppelin, the Doors and some Aerosmith (actually I really only like Sweet Emotion and that's because of Dazed and Confused which is, in my humble opinion, a fucking awesome movie.) The Postal Service, Phoenix, Arctic Monkeys, The Killers, The Faint, The Shins, Stars, LCD Soundsystem, Panic! at the Disco, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Arcade Fire. Bjork, swan dress and all. I loved Dave Matthews Band (they breed us DMB lovers at UVA), before he started sucking. hard.
L'EVERYTHING ELSE: I like classical and jazz. I played the clarinet for 15 years. Do NOT make me sit down and listen to an orchestral piece and have me name you the composer, the era, and the key. I CAN do it, and I will own you. (Ok, I prolly can't tell you what key it's in any more, but I used to be able to. So shut the hell up.)
Movies:
Anything with Tori Spelling. She sleeps with danger, but asks her mother first. She was a co-ed call girl. She got stabbed by Kellie Martin before Kellie went on to hang out with the Down's Syndrome kid. Then Kellie herself got stabbed on ER. TV movies mirror life. You always hang out with a kid with Down's Syndrome and then you get stabbed. Why can't my life be like that? Also, if you haven't seen Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, then you are dead to me.
Television:
Battlestar Galactica is so damn good. I've powered through two seasons on dvd in less than a month and am working on season 3 via iTunes. Thank you internets.
Friday Night Lights. Why is no one watching this show? Dammit people! Get with the program!!
The Boondocks (cancelled, no one wants to watch a cartoon about black kids, I guess), Chapelle's Show, 24 (totally sucks this season), Grey's Anatomy (I'm still on season 1 and have recently decided I'm over this show), Golden Girls (seriously, I used to watch it with my Grandma), Family Guy, Arrested Development, The Cosby Show, The Office (British version), now I even really enjoy the American version, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report.
I like Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip even though no one else does. I know Aaron Sorkin is elitist. But so what. I like it. And honestly, nothing beats The West Wing. I wish Martin Sheen was the President instead of the godless retard that is currently in the White House.
So, I recently gave up reality television. All of it. Straight down the line. From the "good" ones (i.e., Project Runway) to the crap ones (America's Next Top Model, or as Tashie would say America's Next Top Sears Catalog Model).
Ok, I lied. I didn't give it all up. I watched American Idol. It's embarrassing. I'm seeking treatment. And now I'm watching So You Think You Can Dance? Please help me.
Books:
I love dictionaries, thesauruses (thesauri?), Strunk's The Elements of Style, crossword puzzle books and my two crossword puzzle dictionaries. Yes, I'm a nerd. A word nerd.
Heroes:
The best one of all--- the Greatest American Hero. He was clumsy. He was a white man with an afro. And believe it or not, he was walkin' on air. (He never thought he could feel so free-e-e.)
