Velvet Tom profile picture

Velvet Tom

Velvet Tom Wants To Make Love...To Your Mind

About Me

What can I say? I'm a hard drinkin' hard lovin' B-List Lounge Singer with an A-list libido.I have one juicy ass voice that'll make your panties melt off...right through your jeans.With the help of my musical director and my back up singers, The Velveetahs, we'll turn any ordinary night out into a night of love, and smarm. One you will most certainly not forget.As for me I've been banging around the Midwest and Vegas for years turning one incredible opportunity after another into a huge ripe pile of steamy, sweaty dung. My resolution for '06? To turn that shit into being less steamy and sweaty....I have a plan, but it's a secret.As I embark on my 10th comeback in 11 years, I invite you to acquaint yourself with the mystery and magesty, with that which is Velvet Tom. Find out why he is a Lover. Loser. And Legend.You like? You buy? love layout @ Unique MySpace Layouts - Movie Layouts - Music Layouts - More MySpace Layouts! - MySpace Tools


TennayaLayouts

Come visit my store on CafePress!

My Interests

Singin', Sinnin', Lovin', Winnin' and Losin'.I like Jokes! Black jokes, Jew Jokes, Blonde Jokes, God Jokes....Boy do I love God Jokes!I'm an amateur photog, with a penchant for pre- 20th century pornography. Love looking at some chunky A through that old school 3-D view finder.I'm crazy about maps and directions and how one get's from point A to Point B.My interests also include seducing you with my renditions of Bon Jovi's "It's My Life" and Backstreets "I Want it That Way". Velvet Tom Part Two

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I'd like to meet:

...People who want to hire me!But really VT (Velvet Tom, for those of you not into the initial thang) is a taken man for the moment...that doesn't mean I can't do a little harmless flirting, after all I'm just a man...VT is really into: Red Heads, Indian chicks (not of the Native American variety, the other kind..The Packy, The Parsi...you know), Jewesses, Red Headed Jewesses, Raven Haired Darlings, MILF's and GILF's (that's right, Velvet digs the Grannies...You might say "eeeeeeew". I say "weeeeeee").But if you just wanna be friends, so do I. I welcome all sorts of folks with Techno-smarts. My friendship is a haven for the geek, you are more than welcome nerdo!If you just think I'm cool, we'll I think you're pretty swell too!!Here's to you and all you stand for!Seriously though, as off-putting and morally repugnant I may be to you, I have one hell of an act that demands being seen by the world. Please contact me through this page if you are interested in me Velvet Tom and my Velveetahs entertaining at your next event! You're oh so lovely!


Music:

I love music! After all it's my bag, Cats and Kittens!Music makes me much more tolerable and less repelent to my public! I don't think there is a style of music or musician that I couldn't tip my hat to and thank god for them...yes, even the shitty ones. If anything, that's just miles of comedy waiting to be mined.Of course I'm a fan of such classic musicians such as:John Cash (I can call him John, I knew him), Bobby Zimmerman (You know him as Bob Dylan, but when you're invited to his Bar Mitvah, and he get's you high, you reserve the right to call him by his God given name), U2 (Even though Bono stole my whole, world peace and the decrease of world debt rap after my fall from grace with the public back in the '90s. It was totally my idea, but how can I prove it?...that McFucker.)Plus many, many more!

Movies:

I'm a huge fan of movies!I coulda' been a huge movie star and a Trans-Continental Phenomenon if I'd only taken the role of the gay bank robber in "A Dog Day Afternoon".Although I cannot commit to certain titles of movies, I'm a big fan of the comedy genre...laughter is a cure-all for everything accept for Cancer and AIDS, but a broken heart?...that's another story. Unless your broken heart was caused by Cancer or AIDS then nothings funny, and you're screwed.I dig a good romance once in a while. Even VT has a soft and sensative side that isn't guided by the overwhelming aching in his pants.Horror films can go screw themselves, because never once in a horror movie does the bad guy end up killing the entire cast and rendering him victorious...where's the reality people!?

Television:

My Tivo rules my life!Most programing for me takes place on either NBC, ComedyCentral or HBO.I've lost interest with reality television, even though I am in my own talks with VH1 to become an extra added feature of their Celebreality Programing, where 24 gorgeous women from across the US are picked to live in a house with me, and each week 2 of them get to reject me for their own personal detailed reasons.I love do-it-yourself shows like MythBusters, and I love dog shows....I have dogs, but they are so addictive, and Men....If you wanna control your boner, watch a dog show...there isn't a pretty woman in site.

Books:

I love Celebrity Biographies.And I'm publishing mine...just as soon as I have something to write about. Velvet Tom part One

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Heroes:

My hero is, well, me. Duh.I should be your hero as well.Some other folks I look up to are those men and women that get up every day and create art. Art that serves the public. Not the artists that are tormented and provocative for arts sake. I don't tolerate the angry person who selfishly exploits his/her craft because Daddy touched them wrong or Mommy didn't touch them wrong enough, or they came from the streets and they have somethin' to say. I pity them and I hope they get help, but they gum up the works, and give a bad name to those hardworking folks who just want to give back. Instead the bad seeds fuel a conservative agenda to keep Johnny from buying the Kanye West album in the event he might hear the word "fuck" in context.Oh, and I like Superman too.

My Blog

The Man Who Saw Tomorrow

Most of you have some sort of conspiracy itch, especially lately since how wonderful our country has been run.In 1981 Orsen welles narrated a movie called the Man Who Saw Tomorrow......about Nostordam...
Posted by Velvet Tom on Mon, 05 Nov 2007 05:18:00 PST

Velvet Tom’s New Fall TV Pick ’em

Hey Fans, VT Here!  My Tivo and I have been getting chummy watching some of this falls newest, neatest and n-lamest stuff for your viewing displeasure.  So strap on your TV IV!  Velvet'...
Posted by Velvet Tom on Thu, 27 Sep 2007 05:20:00 PST

Heres a freebee Bill Mahr...

NEW RULE: Stop asking me when I'm going to run for President of the United States! The Bill Mahr for President bumper stickers and T-shirts are flattering, but it's never gonna happen.  Not that ...
Posted by Velvet Tom on Sat, 15 Sep 2007 12:48:00 PST

The Winner is....

...Hillary....I think. Recently Hillary Clintons campaign returned a whopping $850,000 to campaign contributors who had unfortunate ties to a corrupt fundraiser and businessman...Getting eno...
Posted by Velvet Tom on Sat, 15 Sep 2007 02:10:00 PST

20% is the standard

In a past life...ol' VT used to be in the service industry. In this service position I lived off of tips.... For those of you who are diners, and like to go out, please just let me tell you that 20% i...
Posted by Velvet Tom on Thu, 13 Sep 2007 01:22:00 PST

A small moment of your time!

Hi Velvet Tom Fan, Lately I've been pushing the hard sell for you to buy merch and I have to understand your plight.... ....I don't got $20 ....Who is Velvet Tom? ...."I'm your friend Velvet Tom, but ...
Posted by Velvet Tom on Thu, 02 Aug 2007 04:53:00 PST

NY or Bust

www.cafepress.com/velvettees Dear Velvet Tom Fan, Follow the link above and it will take you to my on-line store for some Velvet Tom goodies!! The Great News: Velvet Tom and the Velveetahs are going t...
Posted by Velvet Tom on Thu, 26 Jul 2007 06:16:00 PST

I might be a little late for this one but it bares repeating

Does it strike anyone as odd that we are fighting "the war on terror" and we are also funding it at the same time? watched a documentary the other night about how 11 years ago we h...
Posted by Velvet Tom on Sun, 10 Jun 2007 12:42:00 PST

Velvets Favorite Things

Who doesn't want to be like Velvet, right? I mean if you don't, then, you're kind of an a**hole..know what I mean? But here are a few favorite things I like to watch, eat, play with, read and if ...
Posted by Velvet Tom on Thu, 29 Mar 2007 04:16:00 PST

The TIVOlution

Hello Fans, Do you own a Tivo?  No?  You should.....I'm not talking about the DVR service that comes with your cable company, I'm talking about Tivo...the name brand. I'm not much for brand ...
Posted by Velvet Tom on Mon, 12 Mar 2007 03:38:00 PST