i like to be myself. it sounds SO much easier than it is. and just when i think i'm doing a good job at it, something crazy occurs. life is like a snickers bar wrapper, like when you take it off and then decide you no longer want the candy itself, and fail miserably at getting the wrapper back on. recently somebody told me they've never encountered such an issue. i assume it's gotta be something else only i am good at. i manage to maintain a happy go lucky spin on the world. and people usually take advantage of me because i give too much, trust too fast. generally, i'm an egotistical socialite with an ability to know what's not good for me and an inablility to stop doing it. except that sounds bad. it sounded a whole hell of a lot better in my head, believe me. i'm leaving it up. messing things up builds character. negativity breeds negativity.
that said, i suppose i have always been "the combination of my two selves". a stark contrast between the avid nightlifer and the quiet educationalist. i've actually considered that i might never have been the person i still think i am. confusing stuff, life. i'm highly into whatever catches my eye. i live absolutely randomly, trying to spread the joy of not planning anything to an unsuspecting american society. i hope to expand into europe, for no reason.
i have a real knack for not thinking things through, or going back on something i had previously said. mostly, the latter one occurs because i can't recall whatever it was i had said in the first place, since i had, at the hour of uttering, deemed the entire situation to be completely pointless and to have very little effect on my future. so i get into some tricky spots.
time moves ever onward. i've been traveling around for the last coupla years, doing, approximately. . .nothing. it has, for the bulk of it, been fun. remember fun? heck of a concept, that one. i've been to some good places, met good people, smoked good weed, drank good beer, and generally had a good time. that's kind of over these days. i'm going back to college. it's weird. especially since i am now kind of old for the collegiate bunch. but hopefully i will manage to stay out of trouble as a direct result of that. if you knew me well you'd know how highly unlikely that actually is. long term goal? i'd like to make something constructive out of this particular ability of mine. writing, it's a general part of my life. i have a book that isn't nearly as finished as i'd like it to be. i'm calling it, "rebel without a hairstyle". i like it. i do a very bad job of expressing myself, and i'm sure that's kind of evident by this point. i assume it's because i mumble, misspeak, and am constantly correcting myself. but it could be everyone else's fault. lately i've been trying stay happy. which can be very hard if life hasn't thus far been the ideal dream you wanted it to be. this is not really a good intro. maybe you should just hit me up. try my AIM shiz. it's craziepunk.
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