One of my main interests is making people like you feel bad. You're shit, face it. You'd lose in a fight against a dismembered chicken. I'm here to make sure you know this. Remember when you felt really bad because your dog died, or your parents were raped and murdered, or you got dumped or some other boring shit happened? Remember hearing someone snigger at you? That was me. That's my job. Well not my job, just something that I like to do. Someone's got to do it.In short, I like to laugh at misfortune. My own, but especially yours. No, I'm not a very nice person at all.
You Are 94% Evil
You're the most evil person you know.
The devil is even a little scared of you!
How Evil Are You
People with a proper sense of humour. Not like those fake senses of humour you get these days.
Anything violent or sinister, really. Doesn't make me look very good, does it? Ah well, who gives a fuck, I likes it and that's it. "Random Deaths, your new found pride!" A shiny new penny to anyone who can tell me where that's from. Hey, I can just ramble all sorts of random pish on here cause no one'll ever read this anyway, and even if they do, I don't care about the opinions of Internet losers who'd take the time to read shit like this, especially as I should have separated the above into paragraphs and should probably start from here on, but I'm not going to. Don't you hate people who do that? I know I do; and I hate people who can't punctuate properly - aaarrgghh! A misused apostrophe can send me into a near murderous rage. I should probably relax and accept the fact that most people are idiots and inferior to me, but I have such dreams for them. If only they could see! I'd build a new world for them, with ice cream and the death penalty. I could give them everything that they ever should have wanted, helped them extend their intelects. Alas, however, they appear to be inherently inferior and limited and continue to write such things as "Two apple's, please." Fools! Anyway, while I've been rambling, I've listened to Cannibal Corpse, Burzum, Carcass, Black Sabbath, Jefferson Airplane, Dark Funeral, Slayer, Bathory, Emperor, WASP, Muspell, Children of Bodom and the like.
Unlike most of you sloths out there, I don't watch very much TV. Before you rush to say "Oh, I never watch TV, either," just don't bother. It'll probably be a lie; this is just something that people like you say all the time to prove that you're not a prole. When in fact you spend 8 hours a day watching TV, but you don't think that you do. You probably don't think that you're a liar, because it's the standard response when the subject comes up and you're conditioned to try to make yourself look like a better person. One reason this doesn't work because NO ONE GIVES A FUCK HOW MUCH TV YOU WATCH! "Ah," I hear you you say, if that's the case, why am telling everyone about how much TV I watch? Well, don't ask me, Fucko, you're the one who's fucking reading this. I'm just more interesting than you. I don't watch much TV because I'm rarely in the same place as a TV (except the pub, but the sound's not on and I generally don't watch TV in the pub). On the occasions that I do watch TV, I like to watch documentaries about bread, financial news and party political broadcasts. No wait, I don't: I forgot that I'm not one of those poncey lying cunts who try and make themselves look intelligent. I like watching mostly comedy and any shite that happens to be on. If i'm watching TV, it's 'cause I can't be arsed doing something else. This may include changing the channel.
Quite simply put: ME. I can't believe how I'm still here and have intellectual mastery over all those fuckers. I'm an inspiration to myself. Yeah, why is it that just about everybody I meet is a fucker? Is this some kind of long running fad? Well, you know what, fuckers, it just makes it easier to grind your bones under the heel of my jackboot! That's right, act like a fucker and make yourself weak, while you feed my growing sociopathic talent. In fact even looking like a fucker'll help. Most of them can't help this. I also look up to George Formby. A great man, sadly lost to us all.