The Meatmen was always the invention and idea of main member and singer Tesco Vee. Tesco Vee was born some time ago, like it matters anyway as Bob or Robert Vermuellen. He grew up or at least during his teenage years lived in Lansing MI. During his teen years, Tesco was a big fan of 70s rock and pre punk (ya know the originators Stooges, New York Dolls, MC5). Tesco published a small magazine called The Iguana during highschool after which he became an English major at Michigan State University. Some time during the late 70s rocker Tesco Vee became a big punk fan through Brittish bands like Throbbing Gristle and 999. One of his first 'zines was the 999 times based on the band. In '79 formed a sort of punk scene in the midwest at which point Tesco began publishing the Touch and Go fanzine, a harsh, politically incorrect magazine with lots of wit and rude comics. Tesco of wrote of his band and others such as The Necros (from Maumee, Ohio), The McDonalds (Necros joke side band) Negative Approach (from Detroit 'burbs), The Fix, Violent Appathy (from Kalamazoo, MI) not to mention non midwestern bands such as Black Flag and Minor Threat.
Sooo, Tesco formed his own band. Bringing together Rich and Greg Ramsey, two obnoxiuos punks (Rich hocked loogies on obnoxious preppy girls). After Rich's stint in the Navy and even catering Frank Zappa's deli tray, he and his brother became some of the main wackiness behind the original meatmen. The name came from Tesco's old friend B.F. belched after eating meat, making him the meat man. Tesco's name? Bob V. saw a photo of U.K. punk band Throbbing Gristle hanging outside a dime store called Tesco, which was in the name was followed his spelled out initial. Tesco sang, Rich played bass, younger brother Greg played guitar and briefly Jim Forsey played drums. Forsey was quickly replaced by Eliot Rachtman. The group became big on the scene along with younger proteges, The Necros. In fact, Tesco was so close to the band, the members, about six or seven years younger than Tesco, considered him to be the older brother they never had. Granted all uppermiddle class, midwest bumpkins, they all had an obnoxious attitude and were encouraged by Tesco to do bad things and cause a reign of terror that Lansing still hasn't recovered from.
In 1980, Tesco along with Necros' bassist Corey Rusk put down the cash to turn the Touch and Go mag into a record label. As a result, came the first Necros 7" e.p. in 1980 which printed a total of 200 copies. After that, Tesco let Corey run with it, having no interest in working the business end of a record label himself and T&G became totally Corey's. I guess this is a good time to plug in this little tidbit. Tesco's dayjob was that of a 4th grade teacher. During the day, he tought 4th graders how to string sentances together and at night would wear leather chaps and stick microphones up his butt. After the Meatmen's early 1981 demo with Eliot Rachtman drumming, he quit and was replaced by Mr. X. The group hopped in the studio and cut their debut release, Blud Sausage 7" e.p. which was released mid 1981 and printed a total of 1500 copies. The Meatmen after went into the studio with seven other T&G bands for the Process of Ellimination 7" compilation. The group was represented with the obnoxious "Meatmen Stomp." The band's early music was based in little longer than one minute long tunes with sicko lyrics ranging from the gay bating "Tooling for Anus" the somewhat tastless with a message "Crippled Children Suck" to the insensitive "1 Down, 3 to Go" about John Lennon's only recent death at the time. Tesco's midwest rock routs were hardly apparent in this early power chord ditties but who cares. For the Process of Elimination comp, The Meatmen, The Necros, and Negative Approach played in D.C., New York and Boston where, for whatever reason The Meatmen made a big impression.
The Meatmen were even theatrical in these early shows. Tesco would play in a pair of pink leather underwear and swing around a giant kilbasa like a penis. In '82 came a few big changes. In some order, Mr. X was out and replaced by Todd Swalla from The Necros who would later play in The Misfits. Following this, Greg Ramsey quit and Rich moved to guitar. On bass, the group got Mike Achtenbourg. The group followed with a similar sounding 7" e.p. Crippled Children Suck in mid 1982, which printed 2000 copies.
Brief side note. In 1981, Tesco with Steve Miller from The Fix briefly formed a weird side project called Blight. Direct quote from American Hardcore: "BLIGHT was Tesco's brief art-noise project. They once opened for DKs, where they took the stage with 48" black lights and broken TV sets, and Tesco writhed on the floor covered in flourescent paint. The ultra-rare Blight 7" EP of '81 (I think it was '82 though) which Touch & Go has threatened to reissue for years Blight was just another way for Tesco to say, "Fuck You!"
After the Crippled Children Suck tour which took the band to the Mud Club in New York, where the live tracks for their album were recorded, The Meatmen seemed to be finnished, at least in the midwest. Bad relations between Corey Rusk and both The Necros and The Meatmen contributed to the scene's collapse. In 1983, The Meatmen broke up. Tesco Vee and Rich Ramsey soon after moved to D.C. After which, came the full length Meatmen LP We're The Meatmen and You Suck! Printed on the back cover appropriately is "The Meatmen will rise again!" The LP includes Blud Sausage as side one and a set of live tunes as side two (including mostly Crippled Children Suck tunes plus "Meatmen Stomp", "Buttocks" and "Middle Aged Youth").
In D.C., Tesco Vee and Rich Ramsey attempted briefly to reform the band, after which, Ramsey just left D.C. without telling Vee. Meanwhile, as Minor Threat was breaking up, Lyle Preslar and Brian Baker were looking for a new band to join. At first, they had the idea of starting a hard core supergroup by hiring in Glenn Danzig, since The Misfits were also breaking up. Preslar and Baker both tried two rehearsals with Danzig but it didn't work out. Both guitarists joined Tesco Vee in his new lineup of The Meatmen in 1983. Preslar however stayed in Danzig's new band Samhain briefly but just didn't fit in, not to mention, that the D.C. crowd didn't approve of Preslar playing in Samhain. The new Meatmen lineup also included Bert Quiroz from Youth Brigade (not the three brother band from LA) on bass and Richard Moore on drums.
The lineup's only release together was Dutch Hercules 12" EP, an experimental record which includes "Lesbian Death Dirge" arena rock parady "Wine, Wenches and Wheels", a cover of Sly Stones "Dance to the Music" and a rap type tune called, "Crappers Delight." Live, the group also had a wacky stage show. The group dressed up in rock star styled stage clothes, wich sequins and such. The group performed both "Kick Out The Jams" by MC5 (during which Tesco wears a giant cape and a fake afro to look like MC5 singer Rob Tyner) and "Hell's Bells" by AC/DC (during which Brian Baker dresses up like AC/DC guitarist Angus Young). Tesco would also wear an Elvis costume, with a guitar just dangling for their cover of "What's This Shit Called Love" by The Pagans with a "Love Me Tender" Elvis intro. From American Hardcore about Tesco as Rob Halford: "Tesco Vee: 'Wilson Center 1983. People still talk about that. I came out on a moped trying to do my Rob Halford spoof. I had a Prussian military helmet with chains hanging down the side, and gold metal pants. Back then we used a real dry ice machine, a 50-gallon drum with these giant hoses that went across stage. I remember going backstage between songs-Glenn Danzig's back there with his gloves, shoveling buckets of ice into this drum. It looked like The Devil at work stoking the funaces of hell. It was a show for the ages.'
Two drummers(Jason Carmer, then Eric Zelzdor, who tried for Samhain as well) and one bassist (Graham McCollock formerly of Negative Approach who also tried out for Samhain briefly but apparently wasn't good enough), the group left T&G and resigned with Homestead. There's some magazine articles from Forced Exposure and Thrasher that you can find on www.misfitscentral.com where Glenn Danzig talks about Graham McCulloch and Eric Zelzdor auditioning for Samhain. This line up unleashed the group's second full length album ever, War of the Superbikes in 1985. Tesco showed off the MC5 and Dictators influence through more rock oriented songs. They also covered "Razamanaz" 70s hard rockers Nazareth. The album also includes the biker rock epic title track and the name dropping "Punkerama" (which references the gay mag In Touch, and mentions of Crucifix, MDC and The Clitboys). American Hardcore quote from Graham McCulloch about the Meatmen at the time: "Graham McCulloch: Tesco rode out on a moped and gunned the engine. There was smoke going off. then in our second show, we did a fake Glam Rock thing where everyone was dressed in drag. I had the Rock & Roll nurse miniskirt with a silver glitter wig and lipstick. Before we went on, Tesco wrestled Fred Smith of Beefeater-both dressed as cavemen. We were trying to do comedy Stadium Rock."
However, Brian Baker soon quit The Meatmen. There was a big change going on in D.C. that The Meatmen were not part of. In D.C. scene got really violent. A lot of it was in fluenced by Minor Threat and Ian McKay so to over compensate, McKay with a lot of the original D.C. people formed the first ever emo bands (all of whom preach silly clean lifestyles and overly politically correct rhetoric). From this came Rights of Spring, Beefeaters, McKay's new group, Embrace and Brian Baker's new band Dag Nasty. Once again from American Hardcore, here's Graham: "Graham McCulloch: Some of those later shows, it was unbearable. Rich girls would cry and throw flowers at the stage. It became emotional-core." So, Baker was replaced by Stuart Casson in summer 1985. The group's shows now also included the use of fake penis props along with other fake body parts.
In summer '86, the band was signed to Caroline records. This line up recorded half the group's next album. Then, amidst the recording Casson was replaced by another hip rock dude, James "Jamie" Cooper. With this line up, The Meatmen returned with the ultra rock LP, Rock n Roll Juggernaut in the beggining of 1987. Some time in '87 Eric Zelzdor quit after about 2 and half years and was replaced by Destructor for a good portion of the year. Then James Cooper also quit that year. Stuart Casson returned to the band and before the final tour, Destructor was replaced by Mark "Gooly" Kermanj. This proved to be the final Meatmen lineup: Tesco-lead vocals, Lyle-rythm guitar and back up vocals, McCulloch- bass guitar and back up vocals, Stuart Casson on lead guitar and back up vocals and "Gooly" on drums. Final shows performed at the 100 club in D.C. in February of 1988 were the group's last. After the group's break up, a final live release titled We're The Meatmen... and You Still Suck!!! followed that summer. Included on it are, a cover of "Rebel Rouser" by 70s glam rockers Sweet and another "Crippled Children Suck" remake called, "Camel Jockies Suck."
After The Meatmen, Preslar became a record exec for Caroline. I don't really know what happened to the rest of those fuckers except for Tesco. Tesco applied some of his comedic "wit" that he used for several skits on Meatmen records and was given his own comedy sketch show for MTV called "Way USA". The show aired once really really late at night or early in the morning in 1989. Many people who saw it say it takes some nerves of steel to sit through, but I couldn't tell ya since I've only seen but a few clips of it on my Meatmen cd rom.
Tesco returns to music in 1990. In D.C. he put together his new band. Tesco Vee's Hate Police included our man Tesco on vocals with guitarists Tommy "Dog" Cohen and Keith "DC Man" Cambell, bassist Scotty Slade and drummer Neil Ekberg. The group signed to Sympathy for the Record Industry. Through this label, the group debuted with Tesco Vee's Hate Police 7" EP in 1991. Shortly after the group signed with Staplegun, releasing the split 7" Fuck Straight Edge in 1991 as well. Side one features Staplegun band Just Say No who cover Meatmen classic "Toolin for Anus" while Tesco Vee's Hate Police cover both "Vengeance" by The Fix and "Alcohol" by boston anti-straitedgers Gang Green. An appearance on Surprise Your Pig: A Tribute to R.E.M. followed shortly after featuring the group's surprisingly sincere cover of "Losing My Religion."
In 1992, both Tommy Cohen and Scotty Slade quit. Scotty Slade was replaced by new bassist Thorson. As a four-piece the group released their only album, Gonzo Hate Vibe in 1992 on Staplegun. For whatever reason the Hate Police went the way of the dinosaur in 1993. Before then, Tesco briefly teamed up with LA funny punks White Flag for a couple 7" singles before once again reforming The Meatmen.
In 1993, Tesco reformed The Meatmen, at least in name. His completely new lineup were all part of a Meatmen influenced rock band called True Grit. The group approached T.V. who hired them, minus their singer as the new Meatmen. The new members are Stormin' Norman Voss-guitar, Mark Davis-bass and back up vocals and Mark Glass-drums. Tesco formed his own record label Meatking in 1993 to release the new Meatmen album. The band returned with Toilet Slave in 1994. The album contains 22 new songs of sophomoric lyrical references to masterbation, poor hiegene, bad drugs, rednecks etc. The album only had a run of 2000 that were all sold at shows. During that tour, the band played with FEAR, another old punk band who reformed in the 90s.
Mark Glass quit late '94 and was replaced by Rob 'The Machine' San Pietro. The College Radio Loser 7" EP showed new songs from the follow up album, Pope on a Rope which came out in 1995. During '95, the new Meatmen played some of their biggest shows with the likes of GWAR and D.R.I., the Milwaukee metalfest and shows in Texas with Butt Trumpet. Such success led to the group signing with Go Kart records. With Boris the Sprinkler (from Go Kart), the group recorded a split 7" EP that was released by the end of 1995 on which The Meatmen cover Sprinkler's "Drugs and Masterbation" and Sprinker covers The Meatmen classic "True Grit". At the beginning of 1996, the group recorded their next record.
During the sessions, former Meatmen and current guitarist for Bad Religion, Brian Baker popped in the studio and played lead guitar on four tunes ("Stud" "Fast Food Fist Fuck" "Evil in a League With Satan" and "Faster Louder"). Bianca Butthole, the singer for Butt Trumpet sings on "Causian Guilt". The resulting record, War of the Superbikes II includes the 1985 LP plus ten brand new tunes. Appearances on The World Still Won't Listen: A Tribute to The Smiths in 1996 followed, with a cover "How Soon is Now" and an appearance on Show and Tell: A Stormy Rememberance of T.V. Theme Songs with both the themes from "Green Acres" and "Mission: Impossible" followed in '96 all from the same WOTSBII sessions. After the session, Norman Voss quit the band and currently plays in his own hard rock band The Stormin' Norman Fiasco. His brief replacement Paul Gonzalez toured but didn't appear on any Meatmen recordings. In fact, 1996 was the last year of Meatmen existence. During that year, for whatever reason, The Meatmen once again faded out of existence. They released Evil In a League With Satan CD Rom/EP after that. The band sorta faded out of existence and by 1997, Tesco moved back to Lansing, MI. His only plans as of late are to team up with White Flag and The Chemical People to cover either "Deny Everything" or "World Up My Ass" by The Circle Jerks for the Kieth Morris Benefit Circle Jerks Tribute Album.
In 2000 came We're Not The Meatmen... But We Still Suck!: A Bow Down to The Dutch Hercules, a Meatmen/Tesco Vee tribute album including such sick acts as The Hellions (GWAR bassist side project), JCCC w/ Blad Dahlia (from The Dwarves), The Assmen, and of course Anal Cunt.
