Christian profile picture

Christian

I am here for Dating

About Me

Chicks talk about me all the time. You know why? "It's the cheese." I'm skinny. I'm pale. I'm tall. No muscles to speak of. I'm sarcastic and cynical. Never leave me alone with your children unless you want them converted to the antichrist.... Anything else?... Oh yeah, I gotta dick like a tree trunk. A bonsai tree trunk that is..... Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy: "If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward."

My Interests

Going to Video Game and Porn Star conventions looking for a date, either will do. Perfecting my one-handed Satisfaction and Touch-typing technique. Acting out Star Trek episodes in my basement with my online chat group, buying pocket protectors,collecting rocks, going to comic book conventions, collecting Pokémon cards, and stalking unwary victims into public bathrooms and showing them my Yak Bag.

I'd like to meet:

I'd like to meet that guy who always pisses on the public toilet seat right before me. You know when it's still warm. "Hey Mr. Epileptic Cock, What's with the flash flood? Just sit down like the bitch you are. And for fuck's sake, please just slow down, last thing I need to see is your severed penis in the john because you had to rush and zip your fly up too quick." I need to meet a friend who will always loan me money, never ask for it back, and be willing to help me move and/or bury bodies.

Music:

Yeah, yeah I listen to everythign even Pop and I hate myself for it but at least I'm not Avril Lavine. Umm, Trance and techno are my main thing like Paul Oakenfold, BT,Yane Wayne, DJ Irene, Venga Boys,Paul Van Dyke, Fatboy Slim, I listen to just about everything, but that doesn't include Country.

Movies:

The Faculty, Jurrasic Pork, Rear and Pleasant Danger, In Diana Jones,Weapons of Ass Distruction, Good Will Humping, Romancing the Bone,Shaving Ryan's Privates, A Cockwork Orgy, Titty-Titty Bang-Bang, How Stella got her Tube Packed, Sperms of Endearment, Honey I Blew Everybody, Face Jam, Flesh Gordon, Pulp Friction, The Loin King, Inspect Her Gadget, Robin's Hood, Mr. Hollund's Phallus, You've Got Male, Snatch Adams, Schindler's Fist, Big Trouble In Little ‘Gina, Humped Back at Notre Dame, Glad-He-Ate-Her, Single White She-male, Spray it Forward, Blackdraft, Black Cock Down, The Midget Bones Diary, Fister Belvadeer, Glazed And Confused, H.R. Muff 'n stuff, Seepy Hollow, Lust of the Mohicans and a Sale of Two Titties

Television:

Hmmm, let's see. Well, I watch the OC while Masturbating to pictures of Justin Limberdick, (but I stop to watch those Subway commercials because that Jared is SO funny.) And then I dress up like the drag queen Kelly Osbourne and watch reruns of Friends, because, yes folks, I'm THAT gay. I'll also be staring in my new TV sitcom "Touched by an Uncle", out this fall on the Dubba-dubba-dubba-dubbya Bee.

Books:

Tears of the Snow Lilly, Wesley Edwards's 5000 page "best of" poetry compendium.

Heroes:

Wesley Edwatds

My Blog

Happy Halloween, stupids!

Ready, set, I'm bored! This just may be the shittiest survey ever taken! 1. What is your best friend's grandma's name? She's a corpse, forget about it. I think we can move past their names once th...
Posted by Christian on Wed, 01 Nov 2006 06:43:00 PST

Honesty

I have finally come to grips with myself. For the longest time I figured that some people had a way with the ladies and some people didn't. I am sure that most of you reading this are well aware ...
Posted by Christian on Thu, 26 Oct 2006 10:47:00 PST

Photos from Miami

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Posted by Christian on Tue, 24 Oct 2006 10:32:00 PST

26th birthday

Thanks for a great birthday everyone!...
Posted by Christian on Thu, 19 Oct 2006 05:39:00 PST

Strange survey

x. What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie? The Girl Next Door. I dunno... Porn stars have that effect on me. x. If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done? I think I'd alte...
Posted by Christian on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Female pick-up lines. (I thought they were funny)

Below is a list of "pickup lines" for women that was posted on MSN. Let us just ignore the fact that I was perusing this list (assume I'm flamboyantly gay or whatever makes it easier to accept) and as...
Posted by Christian on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

10 Reasons why I'm a loser

1. I have 13 online Diablo 2 characters that I play daily and have been playing for the better part of 2 years. 2. I cry like a school girl during that "You had me at 'Hello'." scene in Jerry Mcguir...
Posted by Christian on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Zordon Humor

This is a small excerpt from a Zord chat room. It summarizes Zordon humor quite well. xSquirrel: man xSquirrel: who the fuck made those par2s for lastsam? xSquirrel: the par2 index file, lo...
Posted by Christian on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I try not to offend...

I honestly try not to offend people. That being said, I have had a few complaints and thus I am issuing a disclaimer as to the content of my profile. It can be clearly seen that I have, in my photo...
Posted by Christian on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I <3 Blowjobs

Well... either you do or you don't. Come on people, pick a side. Can't be grey here, it's either the pearly white marauders of happiness or the black abyss of abstinence. Let me know your thoughts on ...
Posted by Christian on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST