Who are you to doubt El Dandy?

About Me

Sometimes I wanna kill. Sometimes I wanna die. Sometimes I wanna destroy. Sometimes I wanna cry. Sometimes I could get even. Sometimes I could give up. Sometimes I could give. Sometimes I never give a fuck. First of all, pleasure for me. What's the action? I don't care if you've known me for 25 minutes or 25 years, the name's Dandy...El Dandy. I'll also answer to The Dandy Lion, The Lion, The Lion King, King Dandy, Dandy DeVito, Jean Claude Van Dandy, Lionheart or The Fat Chick Thrilla. I'm a heartless bastard, high and plastered. I'm a bad man. I'm from Norristown, PA. It's about 15 minutes outside of Philly. I'm 26 years old. I'm a white boy. I'm Italian and Irish. I'm about as normal as Norman Bates. I'm a lesbian. The Reverend Bob Levy said that I look like the guy who plays Hurley on the TV show Lost. I'm an only child. I'm a die hard Philadelphia sports fan. I bleed Eagles green. I'm a high school dropout. I'm probably drunk right now. I honestly don't know much at all about politics and I have a horrible sense of direction, so please don't try to talk to me about the next election or ask me how to get from point A to point B. I try not to worry about what other people think about me, the things I do or the things I like. Life is too short for that. I do my own thing. I'm a grown ass man. Let me be me. I'm honest. I say what's on my mind. I have a good sense of humor. I truly value my friends and my family - and that includes everyone in my past. I love you guys. That being said, I don't believe in marriage and I can't even take care of myself, so having kids is out of the question. I'm a slacker. I contribute nothing to society. I get freaky. All I wanna do is fuck high school girls. Yes, I am indeed a pervert. Does that offend you? I haven't had a haircut since 2005...just to be a dick. I keeps it real! I like to hang out with my friends, go places (sporting events, wrestling matches, horror conventions, bars, strip clubs, the casinos in Atlantic City, the movies, Chuck E. Cheese, the zoo, Las Vegas, etc.), listen to music, play video games, play fantasy sports, collect things (action figures, trading cards, celebrity autographs, video game consoles, shot glasses, pins/buttons, magnets, stickers, "manly" stuffed animals, panties and all sorts of other dumb shit), wrestle naked girls, play street hockey, swim, bowl, offend people, remove bras, numb the pain, beat my richard like it owes me money, choke girls, flick toothpicks at people like I'm Scott Hall, call people when I'm drunk, split wigs, drive The Dandy Mobile around town, sleep, etc. I dislike cops, racism, school, work, taxes, bills, kids, bandwagon sports fans, the fact that some so-called Eagles fans continue to wear those # 81 jerseys and draft that asshole in fantasy leagues (what the Hell is wrong with you?), the Phillies management, March Madness and college sports in general, unnecessary drama, the Chiller Theatre staff, PG-13 horror movies (no boobs + no blood = no El Dandy), eggs, tomato pie, diet soda, the beach, being ignored, parallel parking, people who think they own the road, people who think they are better than other people and Disney's vault gimmick. If ya like me, that's cool. If ya don't like me, that's cool, too. Are you even reading this? You the Devil! I don't swim in your toilet, so please don't piss in my pool. I don't love them hoes. It's a sick world. I hate every-motherfuckin'-body that I see, but I spread it all evenly. You can't stop The Dandy Lion, you can only hope to contain him. Most of the other stuff that ya might wanna know about me is probably listed somewhere on here, but if ya wanna know more, feel free to send me a message or to I.M. me. My AIM screen name is "El Dandy says". If you have a Facebook account, search for Dandy Aquilino and send me a friend request. Respect. If the things on my page offend you, don't even bother contacting me. We probably wouldn't get along anyway. This interview is over. What part don't ya understand?! Myspace Layouts
29 RANDOM THINGS PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOU.
1. I'm a die hard Philadelphia sports fan.
2. I love anything horror related.
3. I'm addicted to fantasy sports.
4. I'm nWo 4 Life.
5. I get ridiculous. I'll eat up all your crackers and your licorice.
6. My favorite season is fall.
7. I like bush - the pussy, not the president.
8. I realize that Kidd Chris is the future and that Preston & Steve are trash.
9. I'm heating up...
10. ...I'm on fire!
11. I love animals.
12. I'm a big fan of TNA wrestling.
13. I've broken 3 bones before.
14. I'm different. I'm not like you.
15. I miss all of the good times I had when I was a kid.
16. I pee in pools.
17. I celebrated my 25th birthday in style with my main man Chuck E. Cheese.
18. I love "bad" weather (especially rain and thunderstorms).
19. I miss a lot of my old friends.
20. You can't see me!
21. I shave all of the hair on my body from the neck down.
22. I once took care of myself 9 times in 1 day. Beat that!
23. I like big butts and I can not lie.
24. I still use my VCR regularly.
25. I wear a pair of thighs like some motherfuckin' earmuffs.
26. I hate people. I really do.
27. I would love to be a porn star or a pro wrestler.
28. I need alcohol.
29. I'm dead sexy.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

My Interests

Pro sports, horror movies, animals (especially dogs, squirrels, rabbits, mice and kangaroos), alcohol, pro wrestling, zombies, pizza, rain, lightning, thunder, thunderstorms, Rocky Balboa, cheese steaks, ninjas, open bars, dirty magazines, Cadbury Creme Eggs, free stuff, Geico commercials, biscuits, air conditioning, the 80's, Slurpees, clowns, scratch off lottery tickets, hittin' bitches in the face with pans, haunted houses, Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, voodoo, cold milk, my local West Coast Video, bingo, headbands, yard sales and flea markets, Love Line, cheese, The Jerky Boys, hoagies, arcades, Mountain Dew, Mike Tyson interviews, bootleg DVD's, Whopper Wednesday, Sasquatch, mascots, Girls Gone Wild infomercials, blondes, brunettes (my favorite), redheads, titties of all shapes and sizes, ass, bearded clams, strippers, cheerleaders, Catholic school girls, the girls on Telemundo, short skirts, thongs, camel toe, sexual innuendos and adult movies.

I'd like to meet:

People who have an open mind and girls that are DTF. P in Va-G. It would also be nice to meet girls that look like this that wanna jam out with their clam out...As far as celebrities go, I'd like to meet Angelina Jolie, Keira Knightley, Leah Remini, Britney Spears, Gwen Stefani, Elisha Cuthbert, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Anne Hathaway, Linda Cardellini, Jenna Fischer, Scarlett Johansson, Katherine Heigl, Summer Glau, Chyler Leigh, Isla Fisher, Mila Kunis, Leighton Meester, Heather Graham, Alyssa Milano, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Eliza Dushku, Ellen Page, Diora Baird, Monica Keena, Hilary Duff, Vida Guerra, Jenna Haze (again), Sasha Grey, Taylor Rain, Teagan Presley and Sacha Baron Cohen. The man's a genius.

Music:

Natas (Esham, TNT & Mastamind), Tech N9ne, Twiztid, House Of Krazees, Kottonmouth Kings, Guns N' Roses, Metallica, Led Zeppelin, Jimi Hendrix, Rob Zombie, White Zombie, Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Disturbed, Linkin Park, Green Day, The Offspring, Bush, No Doubt, Gwen Stefani, Me First And The Gimme Gimmes, Twisted Sister, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, Queen, Beastie Boys, Vanilla Ice, Bloodhound Gang, Wolfpac, Loose Cannons, Canibus, DMX, The LOX, D12, Eminem, Chino XL, Nas, Mobb Deep, Capone-N-Noreaga, Wu-Tang Clan, Def Squad, John Cena, Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, Justin Timberlake, Madonna, Britney Spears, Shakira, Rihanna, The Spice Girls, New Kids On The Block, etc.

Movies:

Halloween, A Nightmare On Elm Street, Friday The 13th, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Evil Dead, Night Of The Living Dead, Dawn Of The Dead, Day Of The Dead, Land Of The Dead, Psycho, The Exorcist, The Shining, Hellraiser, Candyman, Phantasm, Poltergeist, The Return Of The Living Dead, American Psycho, Child's Play, Leprechaun, Sleepaway Camp, Saw, House Of 1,000 Corpses, Creepshow, Re-Animator, The Omen, The Lost Boys, Silver Bullet, Shaun Of The Dead, Bubba Ho-Tep, Maniac Cop, Pumpkinhead, Wishmaster, Hatchet, Final Destination, Black Christmas, Jaws, Godzilla, Gremlins, The 'Burbs, Stand By Me, Rocky, First Blood, Bloodsport, Lionheart, Universal Soldier, The Terminator, RoboCop, Predator, Alien, The Godfather, Scarface, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill, Grindhouse, Sin City, Fight Club, Alpha Dog, Full Metal Jacket, Best Of The Best, The Warriors, 11:14, The Goonies, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters, Back To The Future, The Karate Kid, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Caddyshack, Slap Shot, Animal House, Fast Times At Ridgemont High, Porky's, Revenge Of The Nerds, License To Drive, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Summer School, Bachelor Party, Old School, American Pie, Road Trip, The Girl Next Door, Dumb & Dumber, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Men At Work, 8 Heads In A Duffel Bag, Used Cars, Wedding Crashers, Talladega Nights, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, SuperBad, Walk Hard, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Pineapple Express, Waiting..., Grandma's Boy, Not Another Teen Movie, Friday, Half Baked, Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle, Juno, Rolling Kansas, Dodgeball, Office Space, Ali G InDaHouse, Borat, Napoleon Dynamite, Blades Of Glory, Very Bad Things, Bad Santa, A Christmas Story, Home Alone, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Forrest Gump, etc. Chances are that I also like a few of the sequels, prequels and remakes to these movies too.

Television:

TNA iMPACT!, SportsCenter (as long as that clown Stuart Scott has the night off), NFL PrimeTime, NFL Live, NHL 2Nite (R.I.P.), FlyersBuzz TV, Hockey Central, Baseball Tonight, NBA Coast To Coast, NBA FastBreak, Around The Horn, Married... With Children, The King Of Queens, Seinfeld, Freaks And Geeks, Undeclared, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Entourage, Burn Notice, Psych, Dexter, Da Ali G Show, Chappelle's Show, In Living Color, Reno 911!, That '70s Show, That '80s Show, The Office, Scrubs, How I Met Your Mother, Reaper, Pee-wee's Playhouse, Mr. Bean, The Sarah Silverman Program, Night Court, Still Standing, Frasier, Mr. Bean, My Name Is Earl, Cavemen, Beavis And Butt-Head, King Of The Hill, Ren & Stimpy, The Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad!, The Oblongs, Drawn Together, The Critic, Duckman, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Real Ghostbusters, He-Man And The Masters Of The Universe, G.I. Joe, Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, RoboCop: The Series, Garfield And Friends, Dennis The Menace, The PowerPuff Girls, SpongeBob SquarePants, Salute Your Shorts, Hey Dude!, The Wonder Years, Three's Company, Gilligan's Island, Get Smart, Sanford And Son, What's Happening!!, Small Wonder, Alf, The Tom Green Show, Jackass, MXC, Ninja Warrior, Double Dare, The Twilight Zone, Tales From The Crypt, Freddy's Nightmares, Friday The 13th: The Series, The Munsters, The Addams Family, Unsolved Mysteries, The Contender, American Gladiators, Playmakers, Dateline NBC: To Catch A Predator, Cheaters, L.A. Ink, The Two Coreys, The Surreal Life, Rock Of Love, Singled Out, I Love The 70's/80's/90's, Best Week Ever, The Soup, The World Series Of Pop Culture, Wheel Of Fortune, The Family Feud, The Price Is Right, Late Night With Conan O'Brien, The Late Show With David Letterman, etc.

Books:

I kan't reedz. How about more pictures, a few quiz results and some of my favorite websites and magazines instead? Some of my favorite magazines are Fangoria, Horror Hound, ToyFare, Cracked, Mad, Nintendo Power, Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, Club, Maxim, FHM and Stuff.

Heroes:

My Mom, Tom (R.I.P.), Donovan McNabb, Brian Westbrook, Brian Dawkins, Jeremiah Trotter, Randall Cunningham, Reggie White, Jerome Brown, Mike Richards, Danny Briere, Simon Gagne, Mike Knuble, Martin Biron, Joffrey Lupul, Sami Kapanen, Peter Forsberg, Eric Lindros, Mikael Renberg, Ron Hextall, Bobby Clarke, Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, Jimmy Rollins, Cole Hamels, Jamie Moyer, Mike Schmidt, Harry Kalas, Andre Iguodala, Andre Miller, Samuel Dalembert, Allen Iverson, Tony Graziani, Slash, Jean Claude Van Damme, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Dolph Lundgren, Chuck Norris, Jet Li, Bruce Lee, Hulk Hogan, Bret "The Hitman" Hart, Owen Hart, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Andre The Giant, The Iron Sheik, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, "Ravishing" Rick Rude, Curt Hennig, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, The Undertaker, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Rob Van Dam, Sabu, Raven, Chris Jericho, "The Instant Classic" Christian Cage, Booker T, Jeff Jarrett, "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner, "The Phenomenal" A.J. Styles, "The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels, Samoa Joe, Alex Shelley, "The Monster" Abyss, Konann, Homicide, Jesse "The Body" Ventura, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, "The Mouth Of The South" Jimmy Hart, George A. Romero, John Carpenter, Stephen King, Alfred Hitchcock, Robert Englund, Bruce Campbell, Kane Hodder, Doug Bradley, Tony Todd, Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Rodney Dangerfield, Sacha Baron Cohen, Howard Stern, Kidd Chris, Ron Jeremy, Mr. Skin, Dennis Rodman, the pizza dude, the drink lady, The Angry Video Game Nerd, Glenn Quagmire and Wile E. Coyote because he never gave up.

My Blog

Sorry to bother you

I’m sure I’m not alone, but I seem to write a good amount of messages to people that go unanswered. These are people that I would like to call my friends, but I wonder why sometimes. I see...
Posted by Who are you to doubt El Dandy? on Thu, 27 Mar 2008 01:13:00 PST

I met Jenna Haze

Yesterday was a great day for me. I had the pleasure of meeting my favorite adult film star, Jenna Haze at Al's Diamond Cabaret in Reading, PA. with my boys M2 and Pretty Tony. I got to see both ...
Posted by Who are you to doubt El Dandy? on Sat, 18 Aug 2007 01:37:00 PST

My NBA scouting report

Scouting report for Mike Aquilino by NBADraft.net NBA Comparison: Anderson Varjero (but with a larger penis/more bedroom ability.) Mike took the League by storm back in the 90's after signing as a fre...
Posted by Who are you to doubt El Dandy? on Mon, 04 Jun 2007 01:29:00 PST

Girl questions

I'm bored, so I'm gonna do this one too... "Girl questions" What color is your bra? I know that I have a purple one and a red one in the closet. There may be a few others in there too, I dunno. Hair...
Posted by Who are you to doubt El Dandy? on Wed, 21 Mar 2007 06:32:00 PST

100 stupid questions

Have You Ever... 1. Made out for more than 30 minutes?Yeah. It was the shit. God bless 2001. 2. Slept in a different bed?Yes sir. 3. Made out in an elevator?Nah, I don't think so. 4. Made out in the...
Posted by Who are you to doubt El Dandy? on Fri, 09 Feb 2007 05:55:00 PST

Philly area survey

1. How many Wawa's are within 10 minutes of your house?3. I love them. 2. When you go to "your" Wawa, do they recognize you?I dunno. They've never said anything like "Hey! Welcome back!", ya know...
Posted by Who are you to doubt El Dandy? on Tue, 30 Jan 2007 01:54:00 PST

31 facts about Chuck Norris

Yeah, it's old, but it's great ... 1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name was "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simp...
Posted by Who are you to doubt El Dandy? on Thu, 25 Jan 2007 01:45:00 PST

Another A-Z survey

The LETTER AAre you available?: Yeah.What is your age?: 24.What annoys you?: Lots of things, but I'll pick one...Jennifer Garner.THE LETTER BDo you like your butt?: Hmmm... When is your birt...
Posted by Who are you to doubt El Dandy? on Tue, 23 Jan 2007 01:48:00 PST

New job

I got somewhat of a "real" job today. I was hired as a telemarketer - haha. I'll be working Monday-Friday with nights and weekends off - and that's the shit. There's also benefits and vacation time. I...
Posted by Who are you to doubt El Dandy? on Mon, 22 Jan 2007 09:14:00 PST

A-Z survey

A - AVAILABLE: Yep. B - BIRTHDAY: March 4th. C - CRUSHING: Hmmm?... D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Coke. E - EVER SMOKED?: Yeah. F - FAVORITE BAND: Natas. G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Both. H - HOMETOWN: ...
Posted by Who are you to doubt El Dandy? on Fri, 12 Jan 2007 07:57:00 PST