UltraMuffin - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I am confused, uncomfortable, and a little bit scared too. Fortunately, this also makes me pretty funny (at me or with me, it's all the same these days). I like people, but I tend to avoid them and I don't know why. I don't "party" for the same reason I never tried to put the star block in the round hole in The Game of Perfection. If it's dark outside and I see a bright blue light, I will do whatever it takes to stop and stare at that light until it either goes away or I fall asleep. I like the outdoors because they remind me how much more I like the indoors. A marshmallow growing to 7x its original size in a microwave has the capacity to inspire me. I have a bloggish type website at http://www.ultramuffin.com because everything I have to say is as interesting as it is irrelevant.

My Interests

Reading, writing, programming, computers in general I suppose, abstract humor, interesting conversations with interesting people, efficiency, making it through till Friday, apathetic optimism, synthesizing time zones, extrapolating the unknown, word salad, influencing paperless dolphins, hole punchers, the sound of toast being scraped, trying too hard, and snow.

I'd like to meet:

Introverts, skeptics, outcasts, cynics, ascetics, freethinkers, and wallflowers.

Music:

KMFDM, Laibach, Front Line Assembly, Das Ich, Unheilig, Twista, Prodigy, Wumpscut, Snoop Dogg, cEvin Key, Amoeba, Captain Beefheart, Nine Inch Nails, PIG, Tricky, Slick Idiot, Schwein, Marilyn Manson, Skinny Puppy, David Bowie, OutKast, Rammstein... I'd list more, but this shouldn't be a competition!

Movies:

Eraserhead, Dune (the 1984 one), Requiem For A Dream, Always Outnumbered, The Breakfast Club, Pi, American Beauty, Gattaca, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Dark City, Fight Club, Office Space, Total Recall, Weird Science, Alien, Crash, Event Horizon...

Television:

Twin Peaks, Metalocalypse, Oz, Sealab 2021, Family Guy, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, documentaries, The Wonder Years, Freaks & Geeks, and episodes of Dateline about teen angst. I hate the Today Show because it reminds me of going to school.

Books:

Phantoms in the Brain by V.S. Ramachandran, Valis by Philip K. Dick, Satan Burger by Carlton Mellick III, Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk, An Anthropologist on Mars by Oliver Sacks, Ubik by Philip K. Dick, Choke by Chuck Palahniuk, The Chronicles of Amber by Roger Zelazny, The Elegant Universe by Brian Greene, Dune by Frank Herbert, The New Pearl Harbor by David Ray Griffin, The Jesus Puzzle by Earl Doherty, The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat by Oliver Sacks, A Little Matter of Genocide by Ward Churchill, The Lobotomist by Jack El-Hai

My Blog

The email I sent to Crayola!

Dear Crayola,The thunderstorms are retracting, the dark clouds are parting, and light has befallen the land in unobstructed lavishness. Not two steps out of my front door, I hear among the neighbors' ...
Posted by UltraMuffin on Sat, 14 Jan 2006 05:28:00 PST

The email I sent to Wonder Bread!

This is what I do when I get bored... Dear Wonder Bread, I have deep concerns for the well-being of your company. Indeed, my concerns span for most of humanity. As a consumer, I have taken it up...
Posted by UltraMuffin on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

The email I sent to Ball Park many months ago

To add some flavor to the Muffin Space, here's something I copied and pasted from my website! I wrote this letter to the Ball Park hot dog company. It is one of my most glorious moments! Dear Ball ...
Posted by UltraMuffin on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST