"Good evening, folks. I know normally this is the time that most bands set aside for an encore. But there are kids out there who will never receive an encore. Kids with diseases. " (At this point, have your rhythm guitarist fingerpick something in the key of A minor.) "These kids live in an orphanage that is currently burning to the ground. We could stay and play more songs for you...but what they don't tell you on MTV is that the insane wailing of our guitars could never put out the flames that are slowly consuming these children, or rid them of the smoke that is gradually choking the life out of their frail, emaciated, and overwhelmingly cute bodies. So we have to go. For the children."
Ladies and genlemen of the jury.
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