Steve

I'd like to meet:

www.betarecords.com

When did you finish this survey? Yesterday.
Why? Why not?
Chocolate or sandpaper? Yes....YESSS!!
Have you ever tasted goat? Yup.
Did you have the goat's permission? Nope. The case is still pending.
Legos or horse tranquilizers? Legos. Nothing more, nothing less.
When was the last time you told someone that they looked like Hitler? 1944
What was her name? Zelda.
Would the world be better with a little less Seacrest? Even less would be be even better.
Ever own a pet that stole your wallet? No, I don't think...HEY! Stop that fish!
Who was the last person to call your house by mistake? Me.
Newspaper or Viagra? Viagra. It's not for me. I need it for a friend. Honest.
Who was that one guy, on that one show back in the 80s? Richard Mole
Ever accidentally kiss a bag boy? Twice.
Did cavemen 'peak' after inventing the wheel? Yup. So say the archeo...arkiologi...guys who study that stuff.
Does that cloud look like a ship to you? No, more like a plane. Hey, wait!
What is the closest thing to you right now that is plaid? Scotland?
Throw it away. Done.
Seriously. Plaid? Come on. Yeah, I know, right?
Heating ducts or giraffe ears? Mmmmm, giraffe ears! Yum!
Ever bite your own elbow in your sleep? No, but I've had my bitten. Damn mules.
Will you be sad when this survey is over? No. Oddly, enough.
What is your mother's aunt's neighbor's brother building in the garage right now? A case against Apple, Inc.
Ever call the cops on a muppet? Yup. I got a restraining order on Elmo.
Remember when Burt Reynolds was king of the box office? Sigh...good times, good times.
What happened to that guy? Died eating pop rocks & Coke, I heard.
When was the last time you sawed a mime in half? The last time? Hmmmm. About a week ago. I was on vacation.
Why have people stopped buying weebles? Good question! I'll look into it and get back to you.
Ever suddenly realize, this is it? I mean, this is your whole life, right now. There isn't another one. You get one to a customer. This. Is. It. Errr....
Huh? Hah?

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Music:

Duran Duran, Howard Jones, Bjork, Goldfrapp, Laurie Anderson, Peter Gabriel, David Byrne, Talking Heads, Arcadia, The Devils, Midi Boy, Corporate $ellout, Nine Inch Nails, Pink Floyd, Roger Waters, Ella Fitzgerald, Thelonious Monk, Miles Davis, Devo, Men at Work, The Blue Man Group, The Bravery, The So and Sos

Movies:

Arthur, Raising Arizona, Brazil, Planet of the Apes, City Lights, The Hudsucker Proxy, Barton Fink, Miller's Crossing, The Gold Rush, Modern Times, The Kid, Take the Money and Run, Sleeper, Love & Death, Bananas, Star Wars, The Matrix, Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail, Monty Python's Life of Brian, Monty Python's Meaning of Life, Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl, The Good the Bad and the Ugly, Godzilla vs. Mecha-Godzilla, Being There, Harold & Maude, Mr. Bean's Holiday, City of Lost Children, Delicatessen, Mosquito Coast, Witness, Real Men, Annie Hall, Stardust Memories, Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex - But Were Afraid to Ask, Blazing Saddles, The Producers, Young Frankenstein, Spaceballs, Dancer in the Dark, Truly Madly Deeply, Lost in America, Defending Your Life, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (both versions), Harvey, The General, The Saphead, One Week, Safety Last, The Freshman, Stripes, Ghostbusters, The Godfather, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, 12 Monkeys, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, True Romance, Natural Born Killers, Destroy All Monsters, Hard Boiled, Man Bites Dog, Little Miss Sunshine, Man in the Moon, Chaplin, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Little Big Man, 300, Independence Day, The Graduate, The Iron Giant, I Was a Cartoon Stunt Man, The Bastards Called Me Smootches, Bill's Imaginary Tale, Excused from Gym, Glamorous Prizes, The Yak Factor

Television:

The Office (both versions), My Name is Earl, SNL, MadTV, The Simpsons, Lost, Family Guy, Tom Goes to the Mayor, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Green Acres, The Soup, Heroes, Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Mork & Mindy, The Venture Bros., Assy McGee, Afro Samauri, Tim and Eric's Awesome Show Good Job, Factory, Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List, Squidbillies, South Park.

Books:

My Autobiography - Charles Chaplin, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams, The Shroud of the Thwacker - Chris Elliott, Wigfield - Amy Sedaris, Stephen Colbert & Paul Dinello, Brain Droppings - George Carlin, Without Feathers - Woody Allen, Uncle Fegg's Encyclopedia of All World Knowledge - Terry Jones & Michael Palin, Rebel Without a Crew - Robert Rodriguez, It Would Be So Nice if You Weren't Here - Charles Grodin

Heroes:

Charlie Chaplin, Woody Allen, Charles Grodin, George Lucas, Bill Murray, Terry Gilliam, Laurie Anderson