Teich profile picture

Teich

I lead a very exciting life...or i don't. One of those two.

About Me

Listen, you listen to me right fuckin' now. I'm the kind of guy that'll make you beat someone to an inch of their life. You know, fun and dandy fop times, like when we were chitlins. I was the king of the cool kid greaser group and you were the leader of the gay wad receding hairline boys so I'll say to you, "Hey JerkFace, you wanna ride with us, you gotta make your bones." You'll laugh and point at your boner. (Literally and/or figuratively). Ill say, "No F-Tard, I said bones. You know, your Stripes & Livers. You gotssss to earn 'em." Then I'll point out this little Botswanan lady who is walking to Market and I'll just nod. Without a second of hesitation, you walk over to the old mamacita, invite her in for chops of pork, and beat her to death with your anus. Then we'll be best friends. Totes BFF.You know, I could sit here and talk about my rapier wit, my sons Ping and Julio, or how my mere presence can make the panties of nubile young twenty-somethings drop faster than bombs over Baghdad...but I'm not going to do that. Instead, I want to talk about my ability to turn a regular old household object such as an 18inch black dildo into an instrument of comedy magic, especially when I wield it with the agility of a Carradine and the raw eroticism of a...uh...Jameson. You'll thank me for teaching America's hearts to laugh with something that would otherwise just keep our mothers from feeling a little less lonely....and I dig the band Journey.


Teich's song

Add to My Profile | More Videos I edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor.

My Interests

Titties, Kitties, Citties, Money (Fitties), Conway Twitties, G. Gordon Litties, Ol' Bitties, Bang Bang (Chitties, Chitties), The Sorrow & The Pitties, Music Theatre Dittys, Water Filtration (Britties), Apple Fritties, and corn
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Mark William Teich
Birthday: 03/18/1973
Birthplace: Detroit
Current Location: Los Angeles
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Brown/Bald
Height: 5'9"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: Scottish
The Shoes You Wore Today: Adidas Shell Toes
Your Weakness: ...My Arms?
Your Fears: I don't buy enough fabric for the dress i was making for my prom
Your Perfect Pizza: Sausage and Hate
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Field goal
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Hi
Thoughts First Waking Up: Prison Again!!???!!
Your Best Physical Feature: My bald spot
Your Bedtime: Your Bedtime
Your Most Missed Memory: I dont remember
Pepsi or Coke: or Mountain Dew: Oh Mountain Dew. I pick that one
MacDonalds or Burger King: or Taco Bell: Oh Taco Bell. I pick that one
Single or Group Dates: I always pick up the check
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: or Taco Bell: Oh Taco Bell. I pick that one
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocnilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cofcapfepucceeino
Do you Smoke: Fuck off
Do you Swear: mhpphhmmph (cigarette in mouth)
Do you Sing: Um, i make 10's upon 20's of dollars singing
Do you Shower Daily: Held two Bridal showers this morning
Have you Been in Love: I have now
Do you want to go to College: Again? Sure
Do you want to get Married: Yes I do
Do you belive in yourself: Let me answer that question with a question. Do You?
Do you get Motion Sickness: No, I just get sickness
Do you think you are Attractive: Very
Are you a Health Freak: No, I just get freak
Do you get along with your Parents: whatstheirnames love me
Do you like Thunderstorms: Only when there's thunder
Do you play an Instrument: Fake Harmonica
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: ...
In the past month have you Smoked: ....
In the past month have you been on Drugs: .....
In the past month have you gone on a Date: ......
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: I went to a maul
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Does a "Box" mean like 60? If so, then yes
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: no
In the past month have you been on Stage: yes
In the past month have you been Dumped: boring
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: booooring
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Hearts of Women
Ever been Drunk: See Past Month Questions
Ever been called a Tease: maybe. hee hee
Ever been Beaten up: See parents Questions
Ever Shoplifted: Hearts of Women
How do you want to Die: i want to stop breathing and my organs to stop working
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A guy who fills out surveys
What country would you most like to Visit: America
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: My Lady's eye color
Favourite Hair Color: My Lady's hair color
Short or Long Hair: My Lady's hair length
Height: My Lady's height
Weight: My Lady's weight
Best Clothing Style: My Lady's style
Number of Drugs I have taken: Im not going to count. It's mostly Nyquil
Number of CDs I own: Approx 5000
Number of Piercings: 2
Number of Tattoos: 3
Number of things in my Past I Regret: 0

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

I'd like to meet:

you..........and latin Supermodels with mad cash and no gag reflex.Also, Thanks to David Wain. The Man and the delicious Thanksgiving feast Teich --
[noun]:

A master of storytelling

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Music:

markteich.com teich.lynch-mob.net stephenlynch.com lynch-mob.net markteich.proboards26.com/index.cgi bacardilive.com/main.htm Yes I am Teich from the Stephen Lynch Rock Comedy Tour Yes I am the Bacardi FLY
Shane MacGowan... unconsciously brilliant. You
can intelligently debate any topic from
theology, history, literature and philosphy...
though only while you're out of your skull on
booze.

Which fucked-up genius composer are you?
brought to you by Quizilla You Bring Me Joy

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Movies:

Cannonball Run

Television:

TIVO

Books:

The Unbearable Lightness of Being, The Dirt, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Heroes:

You're my hero. No not you, you.

My Blog

I googled myself

http://www.donkey.co.il/movies/actors/view.aspx?id=35085http ://bk.pps.tv/ct101116054_Mark%20Teich/?PHPSESSID=9b9e04a05d8 e87979f35b9e6bc6537b9&session_time=360http://www.coldfusionv ideo.com/c/confettib...
Posted by Teich on Wed, 13 Jun 2007 03:53:00 PST

My Celebrity Look-alikes

...
Posted by Teich on Sat, 05 May 2007 01:04:00 PST

TEICH AS MC HAMMER

SEE ME AS MC HAMMER IN A NEW COMMERCIAL FOR HALLMARK.CANT TOUCH THIS!!!.....WELL OK, TOUCH IT A LITTLE BIT.
Posted by Teich on Fri, 13 Apr 2007 10:58:00 PST

Anagrams of My Name

Here are anagrams of "mark teich"go here to get yourshttp://www.mbhs.edu/~bconnell/cgi-bin/anagram.cgiA HECK TRIMA KETCH RIMA RETCH KIMA CHERT KIMA MERCK HITA HICK TERMA RICK THEMA TRICK HEMA CIT KHME...
Posted by Teich on Tue, 05 Dec 2006 11:17:00 PST

My new CD

I'm working along. It'll be ready soon
Posted by Teich on Mon, 11 Sep 2006 11:38:00 PST

Why should i wait for something better?

Right now. That's what i have. It's an amazing expierence. What I've had... well, that's been good too.
Posted by Teich on Mon, 11 Sep 2006 11:34:00 PST

MAKE ALL MY FRIENDS ON MY TOP 24 YOUR FRIENDS!!!!!

Do it
Posted by Teich on Thu, 22 Jun 2006 11:34:00 PST

NEW THINGS TO BUY

This will be updated frequently.Buy the Albums and Support my Friendshttp://www.myspace.com/eefbarzelay http://www.myspace.com/clemsnide
Posted by Teich on Fri, 28 Apr 2006 02:30:00 PST

Superhero?

Your results:You are The FlashThe Flash 75%Spider-Man 65%Iron Man 65%Green Lantern 65%Superman 60%Catwoman 55%Hulk 50%Wonder Woman 40%Supergirl 40%Batman 40%Robin 30%Fast, athletic and flirtatious.Cli...
Posted by Teich on Sat, 22 Apr 2006 11:11:00 PST

funny?

the Wit (80% dark, 30% spontaneous, 36% vulgar) your humor style:CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARKYou like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take th...
Posted by Teich on Sat, 22 Apr 2006 04:58:00 PST