Arch-Pirate Neck Snapper Nellie ♥

"Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning
faith. I consider the capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile!"
- Kurt Vonnegut
am not an idealist, however sometimes I will try to be optimistic and give an individual the benefit of the doubt, but I do understand the shitty nature of most human beings. I will never accept: "that's just the way it is," Disgusting! It may be that way for you, you who desperately need acceptance from the masses, but I'd sooner stand my ground, and deal with poverty and loneliness, than sell out and give myself a lobotomy. Not that you are wrong, just that I'm just not programmed that way. So don't come around here spouting as fact, your aphorisms, anecdotal evidence, or arguments from human nature based on the biased opinions of bigoted, fascist, social scientists who built their flighty ideals on the rocky foundation of a science that needs to be reexamined down to it's very core.
Perhaps I don't live, performing in the moment for a sad little audience of fickle sensory driven animals. I am cursed/blessed with an innate drive to investigate life. I don't feel - I think about feeling. I don't think - I feel about thinking. I observe, I analyze it all away. There are answers that I will never have but I'm completely consumed by them. I can't live until I find them, but I will never find them. I can't allow myself to enjoy anything, until I know that "truth" allows me to enjoy it, so I go about my normal activities, empty motions, hoping that I'm not somehow cheating myself.
I write novels in my head all day long, and live in them. It isn't a deliberate "escape" from "reality," It's just in my nature to notice what I can only imagine, rather than what's right in front of my face. Sometimes I'm afraid that if I don't leave a trail of bread crumbs, I'll never find my way out of one of my daydreams, back into your reality, where you can all agree that I don't pay enough attention to the things that, on a larger scale, just do not matter.
I live in my head. You probably won't "get me" no matter how hard I try to explain myself (and I do try). I can sell out for a few short minutes to try to communicate on your level, then we will both walk away from the conversation disappointed, having gained absolutely nothing. I do not subscribe, I create. I am not popular, I am infamous. I'm not impressed by your image, only your thoughts. "Weird" doesn't quite describe me, but considering how most of you are incapable of comprehending a more accurate description, "weird" will have to suffice, and don't let my pictures mislead either. That's just me trying on my human costume and painting it up to look all... how do you say... bootylicious? I just wear it so that interaction with you people is less awkward. Lately it's been hard to maintain as I have not much motivation to keep up appearances, so look out for an angry brain with tentacles hovering over your head as you are tucked into bed.
That said, I'm sure It's now painfully obvious to you that I'm oh so "friendly," and "down to earth." I'm very "laid back" and "open to just about anything." So dazzle me with your arbitrary conversation topics ranging from the somewhat mundane, to the downright tedious. You'll see. Just you try me. Be sure to ask my age, sex, and location while you're at it, even though those are clearly displayed in simple english, that even your primitive mind can wrap itself around.
Maybe I'm too young to know what the world should be, but I know it shouldn't be this. It can't be this.
Huey Freeman (Boondocks)
The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, peculiar to myself and to a few other solitary men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence.
Thomas Wolfe
Get roaring drunk and pound the table, telling everyone in the room in a loud voice what dumb assholes they are.
(Prometheus Rising)
People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
Bill Hicks
She finished the drink, hefted the sword over one shoulder, and looked around at the puzzled factions, who now encircled her completely... The men in the room suddenly realized that they didn't want to know her better. She was beautiful, but she was beautiful in the way a forest fire was beautiful: something to be admired from a distance, not up close.
(Good Omens)
We live in an intensely complicated personal world that we each possess so intimately that it's seemingly indescribable to others, so that when something makes the distance and creates a bridge, and the complications between these personal worlds seem thin and a connection is formed even between two strangers, like an impossible tear in a sheet of iron, a piece of someone else's secret world will come to view, and speak to your own psyche. this is where I find that understanding may very well be the strongest connection between souls. It's when I find this unexpected view into another's microcosm that I can comfort myself and know that I am not entirely alone, that there are others whose minds may be so intense that they would do almost anything to escape at times.
Unknown
And now one of my kitties - to lighten the mood.
Now pay attention: