Tube profile picture

Tube

Sandy, you just can't walk out of a drive-in!

About Me

I like to feel. Feel things. Things that are soft and flexible, but not too much. Not too soft and flexible. Just right, just right. Like the atrophied legs of cripple children. Soft to the touch. Easy to bend. But breakable, if I so choose to break them. Snap!

My Interests

I enjoy rubbing various oils and lotions into my upper chest and neck. Nothing could possibly interest me more.

I'd like to meet:

I'm interested in spending some quality time with other hulking man-beavers like myself. If you would be capable of fitting no less than eleven regulation-size basketballs in one of your pecs if it were hollowed out and had an opening wide enough to fit them through, you're the type I'm looking for. That means LARGE PECS! And I want them hard. Huge, rock-hard square-tits! And no fuckin' nipples!

Music:

Danzig, Boo-Yaa T.R.I.B.E., Mortiis, Vaginal Jesus, Screaming Afterbirth, Silversun Pickups, Army of Lovers, Necrodeath, Slim Gaillard, To Separate the Flesh from the Bones, Intestinal Disgorge, Jenny Lewis, Cattle Decapitation, Tav Falco's Panther Burns, Assück, Claudine Longet, Guttural Secrete, The Marshall Tucker Band, The Aqua Velvets, Nunslaughter, Defleshed, The Mighty Blue Kings, Primitive Radio Gods, Beheaded, Les Baxter, Cannibal Corpse, Fleshgrind, Elvis Costello, Darkthrone, Flossie and The Unicorns, Seventh Day Slumber, Charles Wilp, Thanatos, Lesley Gore, Gore Beyond Necropsy, Igor Wakhevitch, God Macabre, Winds of Plague, Laura Cantrell, The Vaselines, P.M. Dawn, Abaddon Incarnate, Blind Lemon Jefferson, Tara Vanflower, Autophagia, Defecation, April March, Man or Astro-man?, Foetopsy, Kim Fowley, that dog., Lee Hazlewood, Addison Park, Dying Fetus, Brad Paisley, The Romeros, Deeds of Flesh, Mary Lou Lord, Squash Bowels, Corpsefucking Art, Alfred Apaka, The Angry Samoans, Amber Asylum, Bettie Serveert, Pig Destroyer, Bal-Sagoth, Trisha Yearwood, Obtained Enslavement, Circle of Dead Children, Moxy Früvous, Visceral Evisceration, The Ordinaires, Entombed, Gallon Drunk, Skee-Lo, The Quilts, Immersed In Blood, Stryper, Alien Sex Fiend, Morbid Angel, The Spanic Boys, Abysmal Dawn, Lucia Pamela, Miss Murgatroid, Anaal Nathrakh, Hot Chip, Burl Ives, Cumchrist, Messy Marv, Satanic Warmaster, Nokturnal Mortum, Gestapo SS, Jon Secada, Skrewdriver, N.W.A., Silkk the Shocker, Al Jolson, Yma Sumac, Lighter Shade of Brown, Eucharist, Mojo Nixon, Barry Adamson, Prostitute Disfigurement, Kahimi Karie, Ataraxia, Anal Stench, dc Talk, Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Switchfoot, Mason Williams, Exhumed, The Centurions, The Mountain Goats, The Gothic Archies, Inkubus Sukkubus, Raymond Scott, Panzerchrist, 69 Boyz, Fleshcrawl, Rotting Flesh, Septic Flesh, Rolf Harris

Movies:

My favorite movie has always been and will forever be The Incredible Mr. Limpet. I had my first sexual experience at the age of six using a carnival-won goldfish as a stand-in for the title character. I taped a dish rag over the television speaker to simulate the muffling of Don Knotts' voice as he choked on my tiny fish skewer.

Television:

I don't watch television. Not because I don't like it, but because I enjoy telling people I don't when they ask if I've seen a particular show. It makes me feel superior. Sometimes my massive cock just isn't enough.

Books:

Soaked! The Watersports Handbook for Men, Understanding Bestiality and Zoophilia, How to Be Your Dog's Best Friend, The Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment, The Toybag Guide to Clips and Clamps, Venus Oceanica: The Sexual Life of South Sea Natives, Sexual Satanism: How to Seduce Women by Magic, Coprophilia: A Peck of Dirt, The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream

Heroes:

There's no one I admire more than Pol Pot, aside from maybe Bernadette Peters.

My Blog

Pfefferminz

I would like all of you to know that the stories you’ve been hearing about me are not true, at least not completely. The woman gave her consent beforehand. She okayed it by gesturing with her ha...
Posted by Tube on Fri, 21 Mar 2008 01:24:00 PST

Essence of Excrescence

I have an acne problem, or at least what others would consider a problem. You may have noticed it in my photos. I'm not the least bit self-conscious about it, though, as I proudly bare my chest whenev...
Posted by Tube on Tue, 18 Mar 2008 01:42:00 PST

Laying Cable & Dusting the Vine

Aside from all of the other things I hate more, there's nothing I hate more than short, wide-nostrilled Italian men in their late 50's. I despise them. I've always found it difficult to respect any ma...
Posted by Tube on Mon, 15 Jan 2007 10:57:00 PST

Perineum Gloss

I hope the pending removal of my fuck-peg won't dissuade any of you man-lovin' boys from continuing to use me as a wang-snot depot. Cock or no cock, I'll still be needing my regular shot of cream up t...
Posted by Tube on Tue, 26 Sep 2006 10:05:00 PST

Fear and Drilling in Los Rectos

I often have nightmares where I'm either straight or gay, no more jumping back and forth tween the sexes. I wake up screaming, soaked in sweat, my steel-hard prick held firmly in my fist and my pector...
Posted by Tube on Fri, 20 Jan 2006 11:36:00 PST