∞ profile picture

. . . and if nothing else works, just remember to fill yourself with unreasonable compassion.

About Me

..i'm insane because i've realized that the difference between good and evil is as random as an unobserved quantum particle dancing on the interferential waves of unseen energy what’s your excuse?
here are my answers to numbers 8 and 9 in my philosophy quiz (heros section):
the purpose of my being is the same as the purpose of all being (of anything). i like to explain it this way: life (a.k.a. my existence, your existence, all of existence) has a purpose. there are two things i believe that help me understand purpose:
* a powerful measure of my life's worth can be derived from it's frailty, it's finite nature. only through the inevitability of my own demise can i truley become one with purpose. *
* i must take responsibility for being a participant in the delivery of my own fate. from my very inception through to my ultimate transformation from the realm of the living, i am a being of willing choice. *
the following is the reason why those two statements are true:
you and i and all things in this universe are an abstraction from a self-contained paradoxically infinite being that is without peer, reference or even definition. (unless one agrees to define this being by the only thing it is not: nothingness, and even that's debatable). because this being has no point outside of itself to find reference, it cannot even discover its own meaning, nor assign self-worth. worth can only be gained by comparison. there isn't anything comparable to the infinite. you and i are a conscious choice by the infinite tao, god, or whatever, to create a finite and self-aware vessel which can grasp the need for purpose, but is not burdened with being a peerless and eternal thing which can reside only in a continuum of its own creation. by abstracting itself into a limited and flawed material creature, the infinite tao can now seek answers about its own worth.
we don't just have any pedestrian purpose in this world. we can and do sit in judgment of the very essence of all things - the basic choice to exist; for anything to exist. you are god's sub-conscious desire to determine if anything should persist . . . or perhaps perish. should you or i answer our own question of purpose, we may in fact be answering a question posed by infinity. should you decide that existence is futile, perhaps the tao and all things with it will follow suit.
to summarize (if i lost you) my purpose is to define god.

My Interests

i enjoy writing poetry

i also enjoy philosophizing



random thoughts from a tao apprentice

determinism requires all things to be divined within a context and to define the future of all things;
the tao requires all things to be divined without a context and to be defined by the future of all things

existentialism denies external purpose and embraces nothingness;
the tao denies external nothingness and embraces purposelessness

__________

if an infinite number of possibilities exist, what are the odds that for the solution to any one possibility there would not exist a mathematical formula?

__________

from the tao, the only death is life; the only disease is immortality; the only fear is joy; the only pain is feeling fine;
human is all things the tao can never be and nothing the tao hasn't been

__________

i can look in my daughter eyes and know that i've only myself to blame or thank and (i hope) she'll look in mine the same

__________

the tao is to nothingness as a metaphor is to infinity

__________

A Koan from the Telecom Corridor

A technician in an office building walks into his co-worker's cubical and sees her sitting there, typing on a computer.
The technician asks her "how it's going?"
"It's going all-right" she says, not looking up.
"How can you tell?" the technician asks.
"How can you ask?" replies the co-worker, who has stopped typing but continues to stare blankly ahead towards her computer screen.
"Because I couldn't" the technician responded, quizzically.
"Couldn't what?" asked the co-worker, becoming interested and beginning to look up in the direction of the technician.
"Tell," replied the technician.
"Tell what?"
"How it's going."
"But you did," said the co-worker, smiling serenely.
"Did what?" asked the confused technician.
"Tell."
"Tell what?"
"How it's going."
"How did I do that," pleaded the technician, "especially since I just told you I couldn't tell how it's going and because of that I was motivated to ask you how in the first place?"
The co-worker moved her head in a gentle rhythmic pattern, side to side. She slowly closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair as if listening to a distant or non-existent sound that causes tranquil sleepiness.
"I'll tell you," the co-worker said quietly. "You were able to tell how it's going by asking me."
"But I'm not convinced that you know how it's going, thus I was compelled to ask how you could tell."
"And I'm not convinced that you want to know how I can tell how it's going, thus I was compelled to ask you how you can ask."
"Why wouldn't I want to know how you can tell how it's going?"
"Why wouldn't I know how to tell how it's going?"
"Because I couldn't."
"But you did."
"Yes, I remember," droned the technician, sarcastically. "Supposedly I was able to tell how it's going by asking you. The only problem with that is that you still haven't convinced me that you know how to tell."
"Then you must also remember that you still haven't convinced me you want to know how I can tell."
"But I just asked you, didn't I?"
"And I just told you, didn't I?"
"Yes . . . wait, no, you didn't tell me how you know how to tell how it's going. You never did. "The technician was looking intently at the co-worker, silently demanding her full attention. "I want an answer right now! How can you tell how it's going, and please don't worry about whether or not you're convinced I really want to know; just kindly answer the question?" The technician held his steely gaze onto the eyes of the co-worker.
The co-worker took a small breath and seemed to become resigned to answering this one simple question posed so succinctly by the technician.
"I can tell how it's going because . . ."
"How, how, HOW???" cried the technician.
"Only because you asked me," she said, as she lay comfortably in the bottom of a small wooden boat in a still mountain lake. A pleasant breeze whistled through the peaks.

__________

intrinsic goodness would be where i could be a proponent of goodness with no external reasons nor internal motivations other than for the sake of being good (e.g. not because i fear judgement, damnation, condemnation – not because i desire praise, promotion, celebration). sometimes i wonder if this goal is just a psychodelic pipe dream.

I'd like to meet:

whoidliketomeet i like looking at beauty and pondering its destruction. i would like to meet someone who understands this.
here are some traits i find attractive:
intelligent, fearless, vulnerable, open, sexy, vibrant, approachable, shy, inquisitive, loving, rocking, reeling, punishable, tactile, giving, taking, whacked, spankable, self-absorbed, humorous, extroverted, passionate, carefree, wise, innocent, cool, feminine, flashy, fiery, masterless, passive, playful, dangerous, kinky, real, gothic, seductive, brilliant, spiritual, and beautiful.

and people interested in this:


Contact Info:
EMAIL = [email protected]

Music:

nirvana
Nirvana was my favorite band - there was a certain quality to the beautiful shriek of Cobain's voice with that transcendent guitar play.

someone i know said that system of a down has found their voice in this world. it cannot be doubted. the other-wordly crooning and barking of serj tankian amid the circus rifts and frenetic thumps is so relevant that it must be heard.

the slothly drivel they've generated recently not withstanding, incubus provided some intelligent diversion from pop's hindenburgish meltdown.

the careless chaos of the deftones is genius.

motzart could be mistaken for god.

i like a lot of other music: bob marley, led zeppelin, the eagles, beethoven and a lot of other shit.
..table

Movies:

movies ..tr valign="left"
My Top 100 Movies of All Time
1 one flew over the cuckoo's nest

2 seven samurai
3 unforgiven
4 gahndi
5 the world according to garp
6 a street car named desire
7 to kill a mockingbird
8 citizen kane
9 the godfather
10 all that jazz
11 saving private ryan
12 the big chill
13 2001 a space oddessy
14 apocalypse now
15 brazil
16 midnight cowboy
17 patton
18 taxi driver
19 casablanca
20 alien
21 a clockwork orange
23 the deer hunter
24 spartacus
22 gone with the wind
25 amadeus
26 rear window (1954)
27 being there
28 12 angry men (1957)
29 romeo and juliet (1968)
30 rocky
31 angel heart
32 goodfellas
33 easy rider
34 scarface
35 the empire strikes back
36 silence of the lambs
37 raging bull
39 wild at heart
38 the manchurian candidate (1962)
40 a raisin in the sun (1961)
41 rebel without a cause
42 raiders of the lost ark
43 the shining
44 the fisher king
45 time bandits
46 the wizard of oz
47 pale rider
48 close encounters of the third kind
49 braveheart
50 china town
51 excaliber
52 star wars
53 the paper chase
54 adaptation
55 eraserhead
56 kiss of the spider woman
57 goodwill hunting
58 american beauty
59 boys in the hood
60 the elephant man
61 cool hand luke
62 paths of glory
63 in the heat of the night
64 quest for fire
65 lawrence of arabia
66 on the waterfront
67 searching for mr. goodbar
68 platoon
69 chariots of fire
70 mutiny on the bounty (1962)
71 beauty and the beast (1991)
72 the last emperor
73 henry V (1989)
74 death and the maiden
75 bullworth
76 the vanishing (1988)
77 the godfather part ii
78 angels with dirty faces
79 all about eve
80 the bad lieutenant
81 driving miss daisy
82 rebecca
83 life is beautiful
84 the verdict
85 the professional
86 akira
87 pulp fiction
88 malcom x
89 a fish called wanda
90 terms of endearment
91 cabaret
92 grease
93 snow white and the seven dwarves (1937)
94 deliverance
95 harold and maude
96 dr. strangelove or: how i learned to stop worrying and learn to love the bomb.
97 dellicatessen
98 power
99 le femme nikita
100 hoosiers
Honorable Mention
jungle fever
enter the dragon
sid and nancy
some like it hot
the producers
happiness
pi
the matrix
psycho (1960)
the highlander
the champ
tron
trainspotting
aliens
seven
brainstorm
slingblade
terminator
m (1931)
drugstore cowboy
blue velvet
kids
the piano
true romance
titanic (1997)
the seventh seal
central station
el mariachi
leaving las vegas
immortal beloved
what's eating gilbert grape
Bowling for Columbine
Starship Troopers
Moulin Rouge
Man Facing Southeast
Requiem for a Dream
Rashomon
Chicago
Das Boot
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
E.T. The Extra Terrestrial
It's A Wonderful Life (1946)
North by Northwest
The Exorcist
The Terminator II
Pygmalion (1938)
Lady and the Tramp (1955)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
I Heart Huckabee's
The Lower Depths (1957 Kurosawa)
21 Grams
28 Days Later
Pollock

..table

Television:

television is a distraction. it removes from me the requirement to think for myself. when i'm watching tv, i don't need to be present in my own reality. i let the networks define me. i've watched more t.v. in my life than most people i know. i'm a sports addict as well. i think i'd like to give up t.v. soon. i realize that life is every bit as interesting and, if i need it, diversionary as anything some writer or producer can cook up.

Books:

taoteching The Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu is the only tome of taoism that need ever be referenced

1984 is required reading for all who believe paranoia is a human survival trait.

Robert Ludlum is also good for your paranoia fix

Stephen R. Donaldson is like Tolkien on acid

JRR Tolkien was the great master storyteller.

Issac Asimov was perhaps the greatest writer of all time, imo

Kurt Vonnegut was just plain weird.

Heroes:

heros . ..tr valign="middle"
My Heros Are People Who Have Seriously Thought About The Answers to These Questions:
1. Do you believe in god or something you can characterize as one of the following: a collective of gods/goddesses, mother spirit, higher power, the tao, Krishna, Allah, etc.? NOTE: hereafter, please substitute your label for “god”.
2. If you answered no, skip to question . 8.
3. What is the primary source of your belief in “god”? i.e. religious faith, feeling or intuition, logical proof or empirical evidence, other?
4. Would you characterize your belief as or associate it with a religion? If so, which one or what do you call it?
5. Is it important for other people to believe what you do regarding “god”?
6. Does your belief in “god” require you to act a certain way or adhere to any parenthetic precepts? i.e. can’t eat certain types of animals, can’t have sex out of wedlock, must worship a certain way on a certain day, must dress a certain way, must believe in other beings like Jesus, Mohammad, angels, spirits, the Devil?
7. What, if anything, does your belief system prescribe for post-mortem existence and what, if anything is the associated impact of one’s material life on said post-mortem existence? i.e. afterlife, Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, Nirvana, reincarnation, karma, sin, the Resurrection, possession, spirit world, chaos, nothingness, etc.
8. Do you believe you have a purpose for being? If so, what is it?
9. Do you believe all things have a purpose for existing? If so, what is it?
10. If you don’t believe in “god”, to what origin do you attribute your material existence?
11. Do you have an opinion about the concept of nothingness (the complete lack of anything, god, space, matter, energy or otherwise)? Do you think nothingness is possible, plausible, or was or will be a condition of reality at any point?
12. Do you have an opinion about the concept of infinity (a continuum of everything, anything without beginning or end and where time is a meaningless human construct )? Do you think infinity is possible or plausible? Has it been or will be a condition of reality at any point?
13. Do you believe that there is one answer to everything that can be known or understood? Do you believe it is possible for human beings to know the ultimate truth?
14. Do you subscribe to chaos theory? Any other peudo-scientific theories that have the possibility of explaining everything? i.e. brane theory.
15. Do you subscribe to the notion that anything is possible and all things exist simultaneously? i.e. infinite parallel universes.
16. Do you have any other thoughts on this subject you don’t feel is covered here?


..table

My Blog

new york and ekhart

well, i attended ekhart's talk in new york this last october.  it was held at the beacon theater and was comprised of a small lecture on friday, followed by a longer one on saturday.i am compelle...
Posted by ∞ on Thu, 15 Nov 2007 06:08:00 PST

a thought

our finest hour alive will occur the moment we realize we haven't a second to spare.
Posted by ∞ on Sat, 13 Oct 2007 03:19:00 PST

Tire Not

what flowered bed without weed is worth our careful tending? no grass growing in between the stones of my rock garden be not a plot worth having with no good work to finish....
Posted by ∞ on Fri, 17 Aug 2007 09:22:00 PST

briefly in Oregon

fuming verde towering over cementways to Beaverton knowing i don't get to see 'em much i'm not even rolling straight while peering up onehundredtwentyseven degrees hemmed by cabtop still ...
Posted by ∞ on Thu, 12 Jul 2007 09:42:00 PST

extent

to view the space is being space out of the corner of our eye we find an in-between...
Posted by ∞ on Sun, 01 Jul 2007 09:29:00 PST

a truth without meaning

reason i've supposed like each season one awaits for ev'rything joyful, death, perverse, mundane the cause we bide, happenstance reigns hand-heavy, naked, weightless, dressed rough fashioned wi...
Posted by ∞ on Fri, 08 Jun 2007 08:26:00 PST

death is just a word

death - just a word, like life but they're not just alike there's one that needs the other death  not more a period or comma, a thoughtful pause in our infinite soliloquy death does not exist...
Posted by ∞ on Tue, 05 Jun 2007 06:28:00 PST

resplendent spring day following doubt

the question of myself lingers and loiters down it flops, rolling, wallowing in my way while gently nudging me out-of-boundary kitten play-biting my wrist-watch countenance. now my familiar s...
Posted by ∞ on Sat, 02 Jun 2007 09:04:00 PST

aperture

when I strike reflection and paint the breech through what faux boundaries spurious frontiers shall travel the sight of me beyond smiles of sycamores, wantonly naked transposing the flesh of...
Posted by ∞ on Fri, 25 May 2007 05:46:00 PST

sole

con tem   pla    ting the     moon      light       hid      &nbs...
Posted by ∞ on Sun, 20 May 2007 02:10:00 PST