Jepp

CAUTION: DO YOU HAVE THE TIME AND PATIENCE TO READ ABOUT ME? IF YOU DO I CONGRATULATE YOU ON A FEAT THAT HAS YET TO BE ACCOMPLISHED BY A SINGLE MAN OR WOMAN.
WARNING: THE MATERIAL YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ MAY BE A LITTLE ABSTRACT. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. ANY UNAUTHORIZED DUPLICATION OF THIS MATERIAL WILL RESULT IN FINES AND MAY LEAD TO IMPRISONMENT. THIS CONTENT IS RATED AFMP (ABSTRACT FOR MOST PEOPLE)
DO YOU STILL WANT TO READ ABOUT ME? YOU ARE VERY BRAVE. I CONGRATULATE YOU ONCE AGAIN. YOU HAVE BEEN CONGRATULATED TWICE NOW.
FOR THOSE WHO STOP RIGHT HERE AND DO NOT READ BELOW WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY PAGE SELF DESTRUCTING. AFTER THE PAGE DETONATES YOU WILL BE ASSISTED WITH FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS ON WHAT TO DO.
YOU ARE VERY BRAVE INDEED.
NAME: I AM OF THE HUMAN SPECIES A MAMMAL PERHAPS, WARMBLOODED. THE NAME'S JEPP ACTUALLY.
LOCATION: I AM ON LAND ROAMING THE TERRAINS OF ONLINE SOCIETY. I REIGN IN ABSTRACT CITY OFF THE FRESH COAST.
BIRTHDATE: I WAS NAKED THIS DAY
SEX: a. The property or quality by which organisms are classified as female or male on the basis of their reproductive organs and functions. b. Either of the two divisions, designated female and male, of this classification. 2. Females or males considered as a group. 3. The condition or character of being female or male; the physiological, functional, and psychological differences that distinguish the female and the male. 4. The sexual urge or instinct as it manifests itself in behavior. 5. Sexual intercourse. 6. The genitals.
HOBBIES CONSIST OF COUNTING LINT ON THE BLANKIE I CARRY, BRAIDING MY LIMITED PUBIC HAIRS TO DIFFERENT STYLES, AND SITTING IN THE CORNER OF A DARK ROOM EATING FROZEN VEGETABLES. MY DAYS ARE USUALLY SPENT SLEEPING AND EATING. WHENEVER I HAVE TIME I TAKE A NAP AND GET A SNACK.ON THE REAL NOTE I HAVE NO LIFE. USUALLY, YOU WILL SEE ME AT THE GYM AT FUCKIN 2AM IN THE MORNING. YOU CAN HEAR THE SOUNDS OF CRICKETS FROM A DISTANCE. THOSE CRICKETS CAN BE SO MELODIC AT TIMES. THE ONLY OTHER SOUNDS WOULD BE FROM ONE OR TWO CLUB MEMBERS WHO THINK JUST LIKE YOU DO. THEY LOVE THE CRICKETS ALSO. YOU RECOMMEND THAT THE CRICKETS DO "MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT" OR "EYE OF THE TIGER."YOUR NADS ARE PUMPED AND YOU ARE READY TO GO. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SONG THEY ARE PLAYING RIGHT NOW; YOU LOVE THE SILENCE. JUST YOU AND THE CRICKETS.NO ONE IS AT THE GYM. YOU HAVE ALL THE MACHINES AND WEIGHTS ALL TO YOURSELF. JUST THE THOUGHT OF THAT IDEA GIVES YOU A STIFFY AS YOU REALIZE YOU ARE A GREEDY GREEDY MAN. YOU DO NOT LIKE THE IDEA OF SHARING EQUIPMENT WITH OTHERS. YOU LOVE THE FACT THAT THERE ARE NO BUFF PEOPLE AROUND ASKING YOU IF THEY CAN CUT IN ON YOUR EXERCISES. DON'T YOU HATE THAT BY THE WAY. PICTURE THIS SCENARIO:YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. YOU FEEL SO GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF THAT YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WANT TO VISIT THE GYM. YOU EITHER HAVEN'T VISITED THE GYM SINCE YOU GOT A MEMBERSHIP OR YOU WORK OUT ON A REGULAR BASIS. EITHER WAY, YOU DECIDE TO GO IN THE DAYTIME. YOU ARE NOT AFFECTED BY PEAK HOURS UNTIL YOU FIND OUT, IT'S A BITCH TO FIND PARKING. BUT NOT ONLY THAT. WHEN YOU FINALLY ENTER THE GYM, IT'S LIKE THE ROSE PARADE INSIDE. YOU STRETCH FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES; POSSIBLY DO SOME LUNGES OR WALK ON THE TREADMILL FOR AWHILE. YOU FINALLY BEGIN YOUR EXERCISES OR SETS WHEN A BIG MAN EITHER TAPS YOU ON THE SHOULDER OR YELLS. HE YELLS EITHER ONE OF TWO PHASES:HOW MANY SETS DO YOU HAVE LEFT!CAN I WORK IN SOME SETS WITH YOU!HE IS QUITE BIGGER THAN YOU. YOU REALIZE THAT THE SIZE OF HIS ARM IS ABOUT BOTH OF YOUR LEGGS PUT TOGETHER. YOU SUDDENLY FEEL STUPID FOR WEARING THAT TANK TOP. YOU ARE INTIMIDATED. UNLESS YOUR NAME'S JEPP; YOU DECIDE TO LET HIM WORK IN WITH YOU. HE LOOKS AT HOW MUCH YOU CURL. HE IS VERY OBSERVANT ABOUT HOW MANY LBS YOU DO ON THE MACHINE. HE IS A MUSCLE BOUND, ATTENTION STARVED VULTURE. HE WAITS UNTIL YOU ARE DONE. WHEN IT'S HERCULES TURN, HE BECOMES A BAD ASS BY DOING MORE WEIGHT. YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH TO CURSE THIS MUSCLE BOUND CREATURE. NOTHING COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AS YOU STARE AT HIS ARMS AGAIN. YOU COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT HIS ARMS ARE NOT AS BIG AS YOU THOUGHT. THEY ARE EVEN BIGGER. HE CAN USE YOU AS A TOOTHPICK PRACTICALLY. HE GOES TO THE MACHINE IN FRONT OF YOU AND SLIPS THE PIN ALL THE WAY DOWN IN A NONCHALANT MANNER.DON T YOU HATE THAT. I SHOULD REPHRASE THAT. YOU KNOW YOU HATE THAT. YOU WOULD LOVE TO EXERCISE THE RIGHT TO SHOVE SOMEONE ELSES FOOT UP THEIR ASS. YOU WOULDN'T DARE RUIN YOUR OWN SNEAKERS. SHIT DOESN T LOOK PRETTY WITH YOUR SHOES. YOU WEAR AN OLD PAIR. THE KIND THAT ARE SHIT RESISTANT. BUT YEAH. YOU DECIDE YOU HAVE A PLAN. IT IS A WONDERFUL PLAN. YOU DO NOT TELL ANYONE ABOUT YOUR PLAN. YOUR PLAN IS TO SECRETLY WORK OUT AT NIGHT UNTIL ONE DAY YOU ARE READY TO WORK OUT IN THE DAY. BY THIS TIME YOU ARE TWICE AS BIG AS HERCULES. YOU STARE IN THE MIRROR IN ADMIRATION. YOUR ARMS ARE SEQUOIAS. YOUR BICEPTS ARE BOWLING BALLS. YOUR HEAD LOOKS LIKE THE SIZE OF A PEA COMPARED TO THE REST OF YOU. YOU HAVE THE BODY OF A GOD. YOU DECIDE TO APPROACH A MAN WORKING OUT. YOU APPROACH HIM AND YELL ONE OF TWO PHRASES:HOW MANY SETS DO YOU HAVE LEFT!CAN I WORK IN SOME SETS WITH YOU!(now tell me what's wrong with this scenario!)ON THE SERIOUS NOTE. I UNDERSTAND WHAT A BODYBUILDER GOES THROUGH. (NOT THAT I AM A BODYBUILDER. I FIT MORE IN THE CATEGORY OF BEING USED AS TOOTHPICK.) I UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY GO THROUGH THOUGH. YOU SUBSCRIBE TO THE MAGAZINES, TAKE SUPPLEMENTS, VITAMINS, EAT EGG WHITES LIKE THERES NO TOMORROW, AND IDOLIZE MISTER RONNIE COLEMAN. YOU SIMPLY ENJOY THE SPORT OF BODYBUILDING. THESE MEN ARE INCREDIBLE. IT'S A SPORT LIKE NO OTHER AND TAKES ALOT OF TIME AND DEDICATION.BUT IF YOU FIT ONE OF THE FOUR CATEGORIES BELOW1) NOT HAVING ENOUGH TIME TO WORKOUT2) BEING JUST PLAIN LAZY TO WORKOUT 3) JUST WANT TO WORKOUT TO IMPRESS THE LADIES4) THINK WORKING OUT IS OVERRATEDI RECOMMEND WORKING OUT THE THREE A'S.ASSABSARMSAS LONG AS THOSE THREE AREAS ARE DECENT YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THAT INVERTED CHEST.THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND PATIENCE AS I APOLOGIZE FOR MY BEHAVIOR. I AM A NICE GUY AT HEART. I BELIEVE THE EFFECTS OF A PERSON'S ACTIONS CAN DETERMINE HIS DESTINY IN HIS NEXT INCARNATION. PEOPLE SHOULD TREAT OTHERS LIKE HOW THEY WOULD WANT TO BE TREATED.YOU WERE BRAVE TO MAKE THIS FAR, NOW CONTINUE READING MY YOUNG PADAWAN.
OCCUPATION: CONSISTS OF BITING TOE NAILS, PICKING MY EARS WITH MY PINKY FINGER AND THEN SMELLING WHAT I PICKED AND PLACING IT BACK IN MY EAR. THATS MY DAY JOB. AT NIGHT I SLEEP. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY: DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB.
"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."