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A young shoeless girl stopped me in the street one day and asked me if I believed in Heaven. This was my reply:Check it out. That dude with no shirt and the shitty mohawk is me. Very strange to randomly happen on the back of your head on Youtube...I want this in my veins:I swear to God I saw Kevin Bacon twice:I hate people who love to hate people, which contributes to a healthy amount of unhealhty self-loathing, which I hate myself for.I have a one-dimensional personality, which somehow makes me a square, but I still manage to keep things in perspective.People say I'm a real go-getter, but somehow I'm still stuck fetching fucking coffee.I move my bowels, on average, three times a day: once getting out of bed to plop my ass on the couch, another moving my fat ass to the shitter to read without product and the last to return to bed. I'm a lazy fuck who can't seem to get his shit together.I was playing a game of Guess Who with a friend and an owl outside my window kept saying, "Simon. Simon." I was like, "Shut the fuck up, owl. I'm trying to play the game here."Takes one to know one...