Goat - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm a goat. I spend my days chewing on anything I come across, including tin cans, magazines, newspapers, homework, garbage, old shoes, new shoes, even the occasional pair of underwear. I enjoy sleeping, and looking good for the nanny-goats. I drink Hamms Beer and wear smoking jackets. I like to hang out with Japanese rappers who wear checkered vans and feather boas. I wash myself monthly in the local pond - personal grooming is very important. I enjoy long walks on the farm and I like tacos. I have really really good looking hooves. My coat is a soft and furry auburn/chestnut color - the ladies love to snuggle with me in the soft hay. I'm heavily involved in the modeling industry - Kate Moss - HUGS!!! My stage name is "P. Goatee" . When I'm not at the farm, I walk the runways of Milan, New York, Paris and Arkansas (got to show love to the redneck fashionistas!) My biggest asset, besides my hooves and nice shiny coat, are my golden amber eyes, which captivate the likes of Paris Hilton and Elton John (who I hang with at fashion shows all the time). I think Paris is a little upset with me though...I ate one of her expensive shoes! I only have one weakness - I'm a fainting goat, so if you spook me, I stiffen up and faint. Nobody's perfect!

MySpace Layouts @ KillerKiwi.net

My Interests

Eating, sleeping, shagging sexy nanny-goats. walking around the farm, harassing other farm animals. Tap Dancing is one of my favorite ways to relax after a long day on the farm. Because I have hooves, I don't need tap shoes, I can bust out the moves any ole' place - like Gregory Hines, bitches!

I'd like to meet:

Sexy ladies who don't mind a little farmhouse fun. Send picture of udder.And this guy: fitz.smugmug.com

Music:

I like '25 Cent' (50 cent's little brother) and Snoop Dogg (especially after I graze in my hippy neighbor's marijuana patch). John Tesh - what a maestro. Yani - his hair, like his music, is ahead of its time. Kenny G - His smooth grooves charm the pants off the nanny-goats. Celine Dion - her name reminds me of mustard, then i get hungry, and i go eat, which is what i do best.

Movies:

The new Stephen Spielberg film "Munchin" - story of an assassin goat who eats all his victims shoes. Also, "Crouching Goat, Hidden Udder"

Television:

I'm waiting for the sequel to "Lost", which Hollywood Execs tell me will be called "Found" --- and the hero is to be a goat who eats his way through the earth all the way to China, straight into a shoe factory, and lives the rest of his days in pure bliss.

Books:

Animal Farm - George Orwell. Fuck those pigs! Goats are smarter!

Heroes:

Shoe makers, the farmers who bale the hay, James Bond (we share that ladykiller instinct), and whoever invented 'bling'. Soldiers and marines serving in Iraq!

My Blog

U2 and The Grammys

After a busy day of trotting around the backlot of Staples Center looking for a nice patch of grass to munch on (and finding none!), I finally settled on Bono's offer to stay in his trailer until the ...
Posted by Goat on Thu, 09 Feb 2006 02:36:00 PST

GO GO Dancing

I'm now officially a go-go dancer. It took me a while to decide, but you know, I've two baby goats to feed, put myself through fashion school, and the pay is fantastic. Plus, people throw me their s...
Posted by Goat on Wed, 11 Jan 2006 11:37:00 PST

My new film, "Munchin" - Directed by Spielberg

Look for me in my new film, called "Munchin", directed by Stephen Spielberg, about an assassin goat who eats all of his victim's shoes!
Posted by Goat on Wed, 04 Jan 2006 11:33:00 PST

Goat Haiku

All I do is eat munch munch chew munch chew munch burp Can I eat your shoes?
Posted by Goat on Thu, 01 Dec 2005 02:02:00 PST

Goat Poetry

I've decided to try and be a better, more well-rounded goat. So now I'm going to start writing poetry. Goats have more to say than you think! Here it is: Do not eat slowly into that good night...
Posted by Goat on Fri, 18 Nov 2005 02:24:00 PST

Depth, insecurity, and confidence

You know, a lot of people think that because I'm a goat it's a natural assumption that all I do all day everyday is eat stuff. And you'd be right. That's what I do. I'm a goat, bitches! But the...
Posted by Goat on Fri, 18 Nov 2005 12:30:00 PST