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izi

Gotta love how it's somehow all on me

About Me

THE STARS ARE THE WORMS OF THE UNIVERSE: A ROOF OVER MY HEAD, AND FOOD IN MY BELLY, I THANK MY STARS. A ROOF OVER MY HEAD AND FOOD IN MY BELLY AND WINE IN MY THROAT, I THANK MY STARS. ROOF OVER MY HEAD AND FOOD IN MY BELLY AND WINE IN MY THROAT AND A WOMAN BETWEEN THE LEGS, AND A SUN ON THE MOUNTIAN AND A BIRD IN THE SEA, I THANK MY STARS. ROOF OVER MY HEAD AND FOOD IN MY BELLY AND WINE IN MY THROAT AND A WOMAN BETWEEN THE LEGS, AND A SUN ON THE MOUNTIAN AND A BIRD IN THE SEA,AND SHOES AGAINST THE MUD AND A BUM AT THE DOOR AND WIND IN THE SAN AND A GOD FOR MY PRAYERS AND A DEVIL FOR MY DOINGS AND MATCHES FOR MY PIPE AND A MORNING FOR MY NIGHTS AND A DEATH FOR MY LIFE AND WORMS THE LENGTH AND BREADTH OF MY BODY; I THANK MY STARS; THANKS THANKS SO MUCH DEAR STARS.Where you going? I push his arms of me. Leave me alone. I start walking. Where you going? He follows me. Away from here. What are you gonna do? get fucked up. No way I'm letting that happen You think you're gonna stop me? Yeah. I stop, I turn around, grab him by the throat, squeeze his adam's apple. I don't want him following me, don;t want him trying to stop me. I am in the darkest darkness. I am going Home. Leave me alone Old Man. I let go, push him to the ground. He grabs his throat, gags. I start walking and the lights of the Clinic start to fade and the black begins to envelop me. I hear Leonard stand and start after me again and I clench my fists and prepare to use more persuasive means to stop him. I can see the fist, Kid, and it's gonna take a whole lot more than that to take me down. I keep walking. And even if you can take me down, I'll have you found and brought back here. He follows. And I'll keep doing it as many times as you leave and as many times as it takes to get your goddamn head on straight and make you start fixing yourself. I keep walking. You don't know me and you don't know who I am, but I have the resources and I'll fucking use them. I'll bring you back again and again. I stop and I turn around. He's a few feet behind me. He stops and he stares at me. Again and again and again, Kid. I'll keep doing it. I told you to leave me alone. Come back inside. No. Where you gonna go? I'm gonna go get fucked up. And then what? I'll see what happens. You'll end up dead. Maybe. When you're dead you're dead. I know. There's no coming back. I know that. That's not what you want, that's not what's inside of you. Fuck you. You can't fool me. Fuck you. You can't fool me. FUCK YOU. Fine, fuck me. Go find some booze and watever else it is you do and get fucked up and go die in the gutter with piss on your pants and shit in your drawers. That's a good way to go Kid, an honourable way out. Be proud. It's my choice. If you think that you're making that choice, you're wrong. You're choices are made by the shit controls you and by the shit you cant quit. You walk out of here and that shit's gonna kill you and that's fucking wrong. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe not my ass. How about walking back in and being a fucking man? How about walking back in and putting up a fucking fight? How about walking back in and doing what's decent and right and honourable and showing a little pride, just a little bit of fucking pride. I've tried it before. I can't do it. Why? It's too hard. Life is hard, Kid, but you gotta be harder. Promise that you'll try. I stare at him. Trying can't hurt, Kid. There is truth in his eyes. Truth is all that matters. And trying's nothing to be scared of. Truth. Just try. I'm scared to death to try. All you gotta do is try. I pull away, he motions towards the faded lights of the clinic. I'm not going back to that Lecture. I don't care if you do or dont, as long as you're inside, I'm happy. We walk back to the door and I open it and we go inside. The lights are bright and I don't like them and I am scared to death. I am scared to death. Scared to death. Scared. Fucking scared."YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO BE?" I SAID, "I MEAN IF I REALLY HAD MY GODDAM CHOICE?" "WHAT? STOP SWEARING" "YOU KNOW THAT SONG 'IF A BODY CATCH A BODY COMIN' THROUGH THE RYE'? I'D LIKE - " "IT'S IF A BODY MEET A BODY!" OLD PHEOBE SAID "i THOUGHT IT WAS A BODY CATCH A BODY" I SAID. "ANYWAY, I KEEP PICTURING ALL THESE LITTLE KIDS PLAYING COME GAME IN THE BIG FIELD OF RYE AND ALL. THOUSANDS OF LITTLE KIDS, AND NOBODY'S AROUND - NOBODY BIG I MEAN- EXCEPT ME. AND I'M STANDING ON THE EDGE OF SOME CRAZY CLIFF. WHAT I HAVE TO DO, I HAVE TO CATCH EVERYBODY IF THEY START TO GO OVER THE CLIFF-I MEAN IF THEY'RE RUNNING AND DON'T LOOK WHERE THEY'RE GOING I HAVE TO COME OUT FROM SOMEWHERE AND CATCH THEM. THAT'S ALL I'D DO ALL DAY. I'D JUST BE THE CATCHER IN THE RYE AND ALL."

My Interests

Christianity has a built-in defense system: anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument is, is the work of Satan by the very fact that it makes you question a belief. It's a very interesting defense mechanism and the only way to get by it -- and believe me, I was raised Southern Baptist -- is to take massive amounts of mushrooms, sit in a field, and just go, "Show me."

I'd like to meet:

Your house is Falling down Around Your Feet, And you got Nought To eat, Don't worry Be happy. Your fish Have drowned You wear A frown, You search But you don't Own a pound, Don't worry Be happy.You ain't got Nowhere to Play, Just balconies And Motorways, Don't worry Be happy.You meet Someone You really like, They tell you to Get on your bike, Don't worry Be happy.You're on your bike And all is fine, You get caught In a washing line, Don't worry Be happy. You go to school The school is Gone, The Government Put pressure on, Don't worry Be happy. Your tea is Dry Your ice is Hot, Your head is Tied up in a Not, Don't worry Be happy. You worry Because You're hurrying, And hurry Because You're worrying, Don't happy Be worried.BENJIMAN ZEPHANIAH!!! YAYYYYYYY

Music:

The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question: "Is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey, don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we kill those people.

Movies:

That's an act, that's a frying pan, that's a stove, you're an alcoholic! Dude, I'm tripping right now, and I still see that that's a fucking egg, alright? I see the UFO's around it, but that's a goddamn egg in the middle. There's a hobbit eating it, but goddammit that hobbit's eating a fucking egg! He's on a unicorn. But, no, th-th-th-that's a fucking egg. How dare you have a wino tell me not to do drugs!

Television:

There's traffic in the sky and it doesn't seem to be getting much better there's kids playing games on the pavement drawring waves on the pavement shadows of the planes on the pavement its enough to make me cry but that don't seem like it would make it feel better maybe its a dream and if I scream it will burst at the seams this whole place will fall to pieces and then they'd say...well how could we have known? I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell if you keep on adding stones soon the water will be lost in the wellpuzzle peices in the ground but no one ever seems to be digging instead they're looking up towards the heavens with their eyes on the heavens there are shadows on the way to the heavens it's enough to make me cry but that don't seem like it would make it feel better The answers could be found we could learn from digging down but no one ever seems to be digging instead they'll say...well how could we have known? I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell if you keep on adding stones soon the water will be lost in the wellwords of wisdom all around but no one ever seems to listen they're talking about thier planes on paper building up from the pavement there are shadows from the scrapers on the pavement it's enough to make me sigh but that don't seem like it would make it feel better the words are still around but the words are only sounds and dno one ever seems to listen instead they'll saywell how could we have known? I'll tell them it's not so hard to tell if you keep on adding stones soon the water will be lost in the well

Books:

So let me drown so I can breathe again I’m through choking and suffocating on alter egos and alterior motives which weigh you down and take control of the way you are and the things that you need the life you live and the dreams that you dream distort and blur all in slow motion they broke you down and now you're broken and it’s sadder than the saddest movie I ever saw but with out the beauty so I stopped watching, I stopped caring I lost all interest and I stopped wearing these plastic smiles I’ll wash my hands clean I'll forget that you forgot about me and I’ll live the life, the big city feeling cause it’s better than suburban dreaming Living off the friends that hate you who talk shit on me like I don't know who my real friends are anymore no I don’t know you anymore and it’s sadder than the saddest movie I ever saw but without the beauty so I'll stopped watching, I'll stopped caring It's like I’m falling asleep with my eyes open shutting down and off the lights cause after all of this it’s all or nothing still I wouldn’t try to fight

Heroes:

Go back to bed, America, your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed America, your goverment is in control. Here, here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up, go back to bed America, here is American Gladiators, here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on the living in the land of freedom. Here you go America - you are free to do what well tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!

My Blog

do you know what i hate more than anything?

is when people talk to me when I'm on the phone. especially when they just keep going 'who is it? IZI who is it? izzzziiiiii tell me who it isssssss' god dont get me started.....
Posted by izi on Tue, 06 Sep 2005 04:17:00 PST

helens blind date

check it...me and meela found helen a blind date....he's called ben AND he's ginger....she'll love him. (yes we just founhd him wondering the streets and he did answer to our sign saying 'do you want ...
Posted by izi on Tue, 06 Sep 2005 04:15:00 PST

meela's trip to the family planning clinic

the only time i have laughed so much when watching heaven fall into hell on those glouscter green steps....   meela (whispers) : shes been telling everyone izi! i only told like 3 people....well....
Posted by izi on Tue, 06 Sep 2005 04:13:00 PST