Ted Puget c.k.a. Regional Whack-A-Mole Champion profile picture

Ted Puget c.k.a. Regional Whack-A-Mole Champion

How to trade diamonds, cadillacs, and wives

About Me

You know what I just remembered? I got hit on once with a line that could be summed up as "You like the band I like!". That's pretty lame. What did she think, that maybe we could have a nice relationship based on listening to the sweet sweet melodious strains of whatever band it was she was talking about? Would our whole relationship revolve around listening to the band while lying in bed, or maybe when we were driving together it could be on the radio, or I could play it on the air and dedicate it to her, or whatever. Basically, fuck that bitch. Lemme tell you who this song really goes out to.... fuck, now I'm distracted. Ever catch yourself thinking that maybe if it was the 50's, shit might be pretty tight? Sure, blacks and jews and near-everybody else was being discriminated against, but man, you could put so much pomade in your hair to keep that part scientifically neat, your glasses probably ruled - or maybe you shouldn't have glasses, four-eyes. Instead, we'll give you a pack of unfiltered cigarettes - because filters are for women - and a tight white t-shirt and some classy shoes and you could just rock the fuck out. All the time. It's a good life, that way, because if you go the other way around, you end up shopping at Target several times a week and referring to it as your "happy place", and we all know that leads to unpayable credit card debt.

My Interests

Shooting guns, drinking, writing, twin peaks over and over, bluegrass bong hits and beer, not trusting women, hot girl time, making small talk, breakfast specials, moonshining, dress shoes, plaid shirts that look old but not retro, the bodum french press, reading because I have no friends

I'd like to meet:

Sluts without social diseases. No AIDS, please. Also other janitors. I'd preferably like to meet people who want to get falling down, stinking drunk every night of the week, have massive arguments with me, disown each other a few times a month, and ultimately I can try to fuck their girlfriends, who'll be let down when I'm too drunk to get something even resembling a hard-on, but mainly I'd like to meet this guy:

Music:

I'm not going to list a bunch of bands I like so you can see if you like them too. That just follows the Nick Hornby-romance-novels-for-men pretentious concept that "it's not what you're like, it's what you like.". It may well be true, so here's a general brushstroke-idea, without naming names: gangsta rap, especially from the Bay Area, insurgent country, metal, especially grindcore, murder ballads, Funkadelic, let's-act-like-it's-better-than-it-is post-rock-and-metal, the occasional idm or downtempo and whatever it is that I heard on that one radio station, you know, the one you never heard of.

Movies:

Are for fags. Unless they involve a. people falling over while holding giant cell phones b. angry englishmen ("what's all this then?") c. giant cups of tea. On second thought, I'll add any movie in which people get repeatedly killed in a graphic fashion, any movie in which people emulate Jesus by returning from the dead to eat brains, and the balls-out pairings between Herzog and Kinski.

Television:

TV on DVD, baby, especially if it's a Taiwanese bootleg. Outside of buying and downloading seasons of stuff on DVD, I can't really be bothered with TV, unless MTV's going to re-run The State.

Books:

The Bible, The White Man's Bible, The Book of Mormon, the Satanic Bible, the King James Version, the Zohar, Pottery Barn

Heroes:

John Prine, Rennie Sparks, the guy who invented distillation (probably a monk), Prometheus, Odysseus, Paul Rudd, Michael Nesmith, Foetus, Brian Peter George St. Jean de la Baptiste de la Salle Eno

My Blog

first 2006 memory

2006 marks the first and only time that I found a retarded woman irresistibly attractive. Not just oh, kinda cute, not just "I'd hit that if no one knew", but "Goddamn, would you look at that?". It wa...
Posted by Ted Puget c.k.a. Regional Whack-A-Mole Champion on Fri, 05 Jan 2007 11:30:00 PST

drinking on thanksgiving can have ... results

Grace already put it in my comments, but......
Posted by Ted Puget c.k.a. Regional Whack-A-Mole Champion on Fri, 24 Nov 2006 10:09:00 PST

lezzies just need a donkey dick

    Look, if you're a lez, you should wait until at least my pants are halfway up before telling me. I'd stick that shit regardless.In other news, I bought Deathstalker III, Seder on Pl...
Posted by Ted Puget c.k.a. Regional Whack-A-Mole Champion on Sun, 22 Oct 2006 02:13:00 PST

you know

It's 4:17 in the morning and God knows I should be reading the bible or sleeping. I crave hard drugs but I'm entirely out of money, to the point where I've got stuff on craigslist. One steak is not en...
Posted by Ted Puget c.k.a. Regional Whack-A-Mole Champion on Wed, 29 Mar 2006 04:21:00 PST

the internet doesn't know nothing

Here's what the utterly bullshit website www.intheknowzone.com has to say about me:You may be at risk for developing alcoholism and/or dependence on another drug. It would be a good idea for you to se...
Posted by Ted Puget c.k.a. Regional Whack-A-Mole Champion on Sat, 21 Jan 2006 12:56:00 PST

lithium and semen

I don't know if it's the lithium (and I strongly suspect that it is) but man, I've had the best orgasms lately. When I come, I come right through the sock. I hit the wall yesterday. Every time I jack ...
Posted by Ted Puget c.k.a. Regional Whack-A-Mole Champion on Wed, 23 Nov 2005 07:51:00 PST