My name is Chris... I don't know why i'm here except that I think internet pornography should take a back seat for a while in my life.... Apparently you can have too much of a good thing!I was brought up in the circus by a Bearded Lady Midget named Nigel and learnt all the skills I was to require in my later life like recognising the difference between a midget and a dwarf and the ability to shave a lady's beard off. Thanks to Nigel I could do anything, walk the high wire, swing on the trapeeze and even tame a Lion, but something was missing.... I started to become inquisitive about the outside world and asked questions like 'Is there a place where the throwing rings actually fit over the prize?' and 'Does everyone elses sh*t smell of candyfloss?'.I had to find the answers and so, with all my worldly belongings in a polystyrene burger box, I waved a teary farewell to Nigel and set off into the world, for the first time, on my own.I was soon able to find accommodation, lodging in the shell of a Giant African Snail and a job could surely not be too hard to find with my circus skills... Indeed I soon found work looking after disadvantaged migrant Giraffes, helping them to integrate into the hustle and bustle of the London Financial Markets. Although the work was rewarding I still needed an outlet for my creativity...Now, I am in a band ! Just like almost everyone else I know... but hey it keeps me off the streets... and remember, never trust a Minge Flute Player with dreadlocks... they are secret killers. Chris.
