Create Your Own Countdown
okay so a little about me...my name is eric (pronounced: air-ik for all you lads who were suckled on the teet of "hooked on phonics" as children) i'm 27 years old and gay, and that's about as concrete as it gets, everything else is pretty much like an episode of this old house gone gay and wild. i'm constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure that bob villa isn't offering a narrative of my life..."as you can see here, eric's woken up next to someone who's name he can't quite remember. this is a sticky situation for anyone to be in, but luckily we have just the tool to get this job finished in no time flat...") it would be a cop out for me to say that my sexuality and my struggle with it is what lead to the complexity, almost craziness of my life, but that's not the reality of things. the reality is this, life is crazy on it's own accord, just look at how it all began. if you believe in the big bang theory then the universe was in a state of chaos; gases, funky matter, nancy pelosi's head and frozen particles of mass spinning until, well, they collided and BANG! the creation of what would later evolve into life. hell, even if you are religious, that's a pretty big one to take, even if you have all the lube in the world. to think that there is someone up in the sky that created life with the snap of his fingers, the blink of an eye, or maybe even a twitching of his nose is a bit freaky (and not the good kind of freaky) so it's no wonder that my life is hectic, that's the nature of all life. people who seem to have it easy or seem in control of their existence honestly spook the fuck out of me because it's not possible unless you strip your life down to the bare essentials, eat, sleep, drink, shit...yeah that would be easy to control, unless you get constipated or something, but even then you could just eat more fiber or take a laxative.... okay so now i'm staying from the point, which is me and my life. i went to college and majored in political science with an emphasis on communication studies, which is a dangerous combo. i wanted to be one of those people that you see on the sunday morning talk-shows spinning shit into gold, turning disasters into triumphs being the brains for any given politico who could afford me. it boils down to manipulation...i got my b.a. in manipulation...awwwwwwwwwwwe...does wonders for your karma let me tell you. that's a bit cynical i guess, after all the main reason i wanted to get into politics was to get people involved in government, to get them to give a shit about who we put in office, to fucking vote!!! if there is one thing that gets my goat (other than the little mexican lady who lives up the street who wants to use it to mass produce goat cheese and varrious other goat by products in order to feed her sick addiction of buying john tesh cd's hand over fist) is people who are indifferent about the state of the world around them. 25 MILLION citizens of iraq RISKED BEING BLOWN UP AND SHOT AT SO THEY COULD VOTE and here in the u.s. there are those who sit their fat, kfc loving asses home on election day only to bitch about how they hate everything the government does. that's bullshit!!! i don't harbor much anger in my life, but that's the one thing that i just can't tolerate... staying again...damn i need to get my perscription of adheral filled. things rarely work out how they are planned, and for me that was the most unassuming blessing i had ever recieved. i often get caught up in the logistics of how things work...why we make the decisions we do...how we deal with those consequences...what we make of the surprises life hands us. and while it's important (at least for me) to understand these things, it's not all there is. i got tangled up in varring notions of what other people expected of me and no matter how noble those expections where, they weren't my own. i got to be 22 years old and hadn't done a single thing for myself. i tried to be the best at whatever i did for other people...because i wanted to make them proud...because i got off on the fact that i was doing things people admired...because i was weak. that's the beauty of existance though...realization. i couldn't see that i was weak until i got stronger. i couldn't see that i was living for others until i started living for myself. i couldn't see all my fuck ups until i made them right. so maybe i'm not rubbing elbows with tim russert and chris matthews...that's okay. i know that there's a purpose for me...one that involves more than just living to get by. i have so much passion for the things i love that i know if i'm true to myself, everything else will just fall into place...
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