Ryan Coalition profile picture

Ryan Coalition

I came, I saw, I never conquered anything.

About Me

It's not what you're like it's what you like. I'm a self-proclaimed music snob, and I've got quite a long list of favorite bands just to the left. If we don't have at least one favorite band in common, I probably already don't like you.

My Interests

* I like my cats - Sydney Vicious & Farfel Krueger.
* I like my best friends - Andy, Dre, Jew, Pussycat, T, and Tank.
* I like my brother, Rhead.
* I like music.
* I like punk rock. * I like indie rock.
* I like Yacht Rock.
* I like zombie movies.
* I like horror movies.
* I like obnoxious comedies.
* I like John Cusack movies.
* I like Will Farrell movies.
* I like ghosts.
* I like haunted houses.
* I like rehab.
* I like my bands - Code 12, COP!, Cradles and Graves, & In The Shadow of Blood.
* I like making fun of people with bad taste in music.
* I like talking shit about embarassingly bad bands like Nickelback, Hinder, Gwen Stefani, & Dave Matthews.
* I like pizza.
* I like hummus.
* I like to write.
* I like sex.
* I like tattoos.
* I like animals.
* I like vegetarian food.
* I like to laugh.
* I like seeing people fall down, eat shit, or otherwise embarass themselves.
* I like running my record label - Big Lizard Records.
* I like writing for Fringe Magazine.
* I like DJing as a member of The Bargain DJ Collective.
* I like schmoozing.
* I like getting free shit and living like a rock star even though I'm not one.
* And most of all, I like your Mom.

I'd like to meet:

Derek Acorah, David Wells (and the rest of the crew from "Most Haunted"), John Lydon, Jason Bateman, Sage Francis, The Yacht Rock crew, David Koechner, Larry David, Sasha Baron Cohen, James Frey, Paul Rudd, John Krasinski, Chuck Klosterman, Gary Cole, Max Brooks, Bill Curtis, Scott Reynolds, Gary Oldman, John Cusack, Jamie the Germ, Dr. Jonathan Pebblestone, and YOUR MOM.
I won't add you as a friend unless you email me first telling me why I should add you.
And to all you webcam gals, I'm quite aware that you didn't "think I was hot when we met on the internet dating site the other day," because I'm not on any internet dating sites. Don't try to peddle your soft-core porn onto me. I have no interest in paying to see a blurry webcam shot of your saggy boobs. Besides, in the real world, I'd tear your ass in half, beyotch, so don't even bother.
AND DON'T BE A CHODE.
This is the most amazing movie ever.

Music:


Dead Milkmen, Built To Spill, Treepeople, Husker Du, Alkaline Trio, Chokebore, Pavers (or any of Scott Reynolds' bands), Drag The River, Boilermaker, Rocket From The Crypt, Hum, Grand Buffet, Mike Patton (Faith No More, Mr. Bungle, Fantomas, Tomahawk, Lovage, Peeping Tom) The Mars Volta, At The Drive-In, Sparta, Swervedriver, Mew, Jackass, ISIS, Agalloch, Jesu, Cake Like, Dead Lazlo's Place, NOFX, Modest Mouse, Badtown Boys, Ween, The Dismemberment Plan, mc chris, Mudhoney, Dinosaur Jr., Sage Francis, Smashmouth, Mickey Avalon, Smoke or Fire, ...And You Will Know us By The Trail Of Dead, Samiam, Ramones, Pinback, ash., Pixies, Snuff, Guns N' Wankers, Helmet, Supersuckers, Catherine Wheel, Party Of Helicopters, Sugar, Bloodhound Gang, Smoke or Fire, Revolting Cocks, Pavers, Descendents, ALL, Piebald, Leatherface, Rye Coalition, Criteria, Cursive, Hot Water Music, gwenmars, Billy Talent, Goodbye Harry, Town Managers, Touch Me Zoo, FFI, amber halo, Big Black, Shellac, bronson, In The Shadow Of Blood, COP!, Cradles and Graves, Code 12, Les Savy Fav, Pegboy, The Drama, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Idlewild, Mclusky, Aereogramme, Trans Am, Against Me!, Cooper Temple Clause, and FIRED UP 1, 2 and 3!

Movies:

Return Of The Living Dead is the BEST MOVIE EVER MADE!!! Horror films in general are pretty amazing. I also dig Big Lebowski, High Fidelity, Natural Born Killers, Strange Days, Superbad, The Ten, Anchorman, Talladega Nights, Blades of Glory, any Tim Burton film (except for Planet of the Apes), Grosse Point Blank, Magnolia, Best In Show, Super Troopers, Fargo, Drop Dead Gorgeous, Sid and Nancy, Run Ronnie Run, Wet Hot American Summer, Napoleon Dynamite, Dawn Of The Dead (both the original and the remake), Shaun Of The Dead, Pretty much any zombie movie ever made except for House of The Dead

Television:

The State, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Most Haunted, Ghost Hunters, The Young Ones, Arrested Development, Mr. Show, Family Guy, Futurama, The Office, Da Ali G Show, The Simpsons, Mythbusters, Reno 911!, The Critic, Sifl & Olly, Cold Case Files, City Confidential, American Justice, Forensic Files, Viva Variety, CSI, Law and Order, any true crime/forensic type show on A&E or Discovery Channel. Any "real" shows about ghosts and hauntings. I also like watching shows about Las Vegas - whether fictional or real - to see how producers/writers/directors further perpetuate all the Vegas myths.

Books:

Our Band Could Be Your Life, A Confederacy Of Dunces, Fight Club, High Fidelity, All I Need To Know About Filmmaking I Learned From The Toxic Avenger, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From The Living Dead, Monster Island, Sex, Drugs, & Cocoa Puffs }

Heroes:

Matt Groening, Doug Martsch, Juliette Lewis, Gary Oldman, Scott Reynolds, James Frey, Larry David, Bob Mould, John Cusack, Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg, and my brother, Rhead

My Blog

If It’s Nothin’ But a Sign, Bleed Onto Your Shoes, Man.

Body: Okay heres a challenge... Can YOU answer 23 questions about YOUR number 3? DON'T change your top friends, and answer 23 questions about the 3rd person in your top friends, remember not the 1st p...
Posted by Ryan Coalition on Thu, 18 Oct 2007 12:36:00 PST

Good to Sea

Theyre moving earth outside. The ground is shaking like no beat. A dense terrible sound. At once both teeming and asleep. It seems to me to be a sign. I don't believe in such, and yet It seems to me t...
Posted by Ryan Coalition on Thu, 18 Oct 2007 07:29:00 PST

Signs of the Apocalypse

My friend Jenny Jones (yes, that's her real name, and no she's not the shitty talk show host) called me the other day to inform me of the latest signs of the apocalypse - that Matchbox 20 had released...
Posted by Ryan Coalition on Tue, 16 Oct 2007 07:46:00 PST

Not Crazy

This is livingI've got everything I want at my fingertipsJust have to clap and lights turn onI've got several piles of recordsI don't know which one I'll put on nextI've got a hundred subscriptions to...
Posted by Ryan Coalition on Sun, 14 Oct 2007 07:57:00 PST

American Douche-Nozzle Awards

Awwwww, shit. Has it been a year already? Today, shitty music fans 'round the world rejoiced when the 2007 American Music Award nominees were announced. For those unaware, the AMA's are just one of (s...
Posted by Ryan Coalition on Thu, 11 Oct 2007 05:30:00 PST

I Think We Are Both Suffering From The Same Crushing Metaphysical Crisis

My name is:RyanWhen I'm nervous:I crack my knuckles or toes.The last song I listened to:"Midgets and Giants" by Sage FrancisBy this time next year:I will be a porn star.I have a hard time understandin...
Posted by Ryan Coalition on Sun, 07 Oct 2007 09:47:00 PST

Well Thought Out Twinkles

1. Have you ever cried during a tattoo?No. 2. When did you get your first tattoo?September of 1993.3. What was your first tattoo?Allroy from the "Allroy Saves" album cover4. Which tattoo is close...
Posted by Ryan Coalition on Sat, 06 Oct 2007 10:29:00 PST

Web in Front

You're not the one who let me down. But thanks for offering.
Posted by Ryan Coalition on Fri, 05 Oct 2007 06:21:00 PST

Ginger?

My boss thinks I'm a ginger. In fact, he made Duncan and I watch the ginger episode of South Park at work yesterday. Duncan's definitely a ginger. I think I'm more of a daywalker than a ginger though,...
Posted by Ryan Coalition on Thu, 04 Oct 2007 06:29:00 PST

Update

I'm pleased to report that after 15+ years, the Humpty Dance is still NOT cool.  Similarly, the Dave Matthews Band still blows more sheep than Chris Crocker. Furthermore, I cant decide if Lilly A...
Posted by Ryan Coalition on Sat, 29 Sep 2007 09:42:00 PST