Hellish Fairy profile picture

Hellish Fairy

That's All I need to Know Cuz I'm Not Looking for a Change

About Me



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Please Note: This profile will never be set to 'Private', as I do not have anything to hide. Please be adults here people, and if you don't like what I have to say, get to steppin'...I am, and will always be Pandora, the Fairy from Hell. Some may think that this is a problem, but meh, oh well.
I admit that I’m a bit nuts, a bitch when I need to be, and that I refuse to conform to social ‘norms‘ as they are - I will never be like anyone that you have ever met, or ever will meet again, and frankly, that does not make me a miserable human being (I am actually VERY happy despite the fact that I tend to expect too much from the human race) - if you don’t like it, there are over 4 billion OTHER people on this planet to bug - get to steppin‘, but choose not to try to change me.
But then, that being said, you’re really here because you want to know about me, eh? So here is the page remix, direct from the State of Confusion, for the world to see.
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I am married to the love of my life, Dave (aka Keebs), and have been for over a year. We met about five years ago, and started doing our own, if not confusing, entertaining version of dating about six months later, and have been together since - good times and bad, jail, restraining orders, and all the humor needed in between.
He did marry me out of love, contrary to some of the obvious lies that have been told about myself and my other half by certain women who will never get married and like to try to destroy other people’s relationships due to their own misery. While it kind of amuses me that they continue to tell blatant lies to all of those around them about us because I refuse to allow them to get my husband high or throw their felon boyfriends out of my house that they found on MySpace because of some shady crap that they are pulling, it kind of saddens me. I really do feel bad for you, but I forgive you - just don‘t expect me to trust you, or let you back into our lives until you seriously grow the hell up.
Guilt trips stopped working on me over two decades ago. My life has not been what you would call easy nor enviable, and frankly, if you choose to beat the shit out of a kid, treat them like crap, or just in general act like an asshole or turn a blind eye, don't be too suprised if they grow up and frankly could care less about 99% of humanity. I have always had a unique point of view regarding this type of behavior and belive that there is a special place in hell for anyone who preys on another person - especially children.
But that is why I will always have my friends who will always be there for me - the ones that know that they can call me at any time and I will happily get them a lawyer, bail them out of jail, or just be there when they need me - and they will always do the same for us, even if it means that they have to cut into their ‘nest egg’ that they have been saving. People like Johnson, Ali, Brandon, Bob, Steve, and all the other ’geek’ mother fuckers that we love. Life wouldn’t be the same without y’all, and we love ya. It just wouldn’t be the same without you, or the crazy ass times we go through, LOL, and we thank you for sticking with us regardless of the situation. Only y‘all would be there to hold our heads up while we are totally screwed up, and understand when we decide that we can‘t do all the stupid shit that we used to do.
"Good girls like to blend in; I LOVE to make a scene"

> Sometimes, I have found, you have to cut people loose to let them find their own way - be it with felons and in the bars or what not. Either they will wise up and start from square one and stop doing what they are doing, or they will get the assistance they need with the help of the local authorities. Not up to me. I can’t solve the world’s problems, as I have learned from my stepfather - a man that, due to the issues that I had in my childhood, I had a very hard time accepting for years as the very good man that he is for a very long time. He took in and adopted my oldest daughter when I was unable to care for her, and still allows me to see her, and lets me in his home, despite the fact that I have had issues in the past.
On to the happier shit.
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My husband and I live in Salt Lake City, Utah, and we celebrated our first wedding anniversary on my birthday of this year. We stick it out together, and support each other, come what may, for better or for worse. We have had our problems, and sometimes we get pissed off and throw shit at each other, but when push comes to shove, we put up with the other person’s short comings, and celebrate the other person’s strengths. My husband has a big heart and will give almost any one a chance - he also has more faith in people than I ever will. I have no idea how he does it, and keeps an open mind. Sadly, he will tell you that I’m the one who fits that description. Go figure.
Life at the Pan and Keebs Show has gotten rather…… calm as of late. We have had a hell of a couple of years, and have decided that it is time to start enjoying life in as simple of a way possible, without the drama and the bullshit that was associated with the life we used to lead. After losing three people in a year, a cancer scare for myself, and a couple of visits to the local jail system (visits, might I add, that they can never keep the charges on me for - HAHA) and the relentless pursuit of sobriety that we always attempt to meet the bar of, even if, like all flawed humans, we fall a bit short at times, we decided that it’s time to just…. Stop acting like idiots and grow up a little bit. If some people don’t understand that we have to burn bridges, so be it. Best of luck to you, and God bless.
Dave and I are currently in the process of getting to know my two beautiful children again. At 4 and 5, they are two of the biggest inspirations of my life. They are very loving, beautiful (but I’m biased, you decide) and brilliant, and love us no matter what happens, and we try to do our best not to let them down. Bug thinks that Spiderman and Dave rule the world, and Raye loves the Little Mermaid and pretty much anyone with her red hair - me included. They have way too much energy, and live with their grand parents for a bit longer, in Oklahoma, at least until I am able again to take care of them again. Sometimes loving a little soul means that you put them with someone who can take care of them until you can - it’s selfish not to, and stupid.
Other than that, we have three ‘fur’ children as well. Coffee Bean, our very loving and stupid Pit, who thinks that I rule the world, and will do everything within her power to make sure it stays that way, and Zevrah and Icharis, our two tiny Sugar Gliders (think flying squirrel, but WAAAAYYY cooler) with HUGE personalities. All of them came from families that had no idea what they needed to take care of them, and are all treasured members of the family. They give me the smiles that I need when I am down, and love to cuddle just about any time, any where. Bean is rediscovering the fun of snow right now, and the results are some of the funniest that you will ever see. The Gliders are enjoying being in our room and the fun of going to grandma and grandpa‘s for the holidays to be played with by Jen and my sisters and brother. Ich is still trying to get used to being around people, but Zev loves the attention, and thinks that the world is there for her and her alone.
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Keebs and I are happy to announce that he is now working in a government position and is making the money that he deserves to be making, doing what he (well both of us really) loves - dinking around with the ‘mystery ‘ that most people consider the computer, LOL. I am so proud of him, and will always use him as my example that people can change, but only if they really want to and are surrounded with people who love and support them enough to kick them in the ass if needed. He works 10 hour days and is gone from home a bit, but that means that he also gets to spend three day weekends with me as well, and hopefully, will soon be able to work 3 twelve hour shifts instead. Work is one of those nasty four lettered words, but if you can get paid well to do it, and still spend quality time with your family, then you’re an idiot not to.
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When not attached to our PC’s, we both enjoy a whole slew of other things as well:
- Spending time with the mini collection of animals that we have, that contrary to what a certain person says, do NOT get abused or neglected.
- Talking to my beautiful children.
- Reading anything with words that we can get our hands on
- Going to concerts for our favorite bands, like Swollen Members, Sage Francis, Jedi Mind Tricks, The Medic Droid, Tool, A Perfect Circle, ect., and getting into situations in the mosh pits in the process
- Hanging out with the family, be it in Utah, Las Vegas, or Tulsa
- Going to Barnes and Nobel and getting a cup of coffee and hanging out at the bookstore for ages
- People watching at the mall, and conducting the social experiments of the great, late Brian Miller
- Seeing the people that have been the inspiration for our continued sanity
I’m sure that there are many more, but they escape me right now.
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On the flip side, there are a bunch of things, also, that will get you put on the Pan Shit List of All Time:
- Attempting to disrupt my relationship (or any relationship for that matter) with my husband by lying or twisting words
- Sleeping your way to the top
- KNOWINGLY sleeping with married men
- In general being a home wrecking asshole
- Little people who are just miserable and therefore have to make all those around them the same way, be it by lying, stealing, cheating, or just bad Karma
- Not paying attention to what someone says, but still later using it for your own purposes to get back at another person
- Refusal to accept the consequences for your actions (MAJOR ONE - if you do something and get caught, realize that the repercussions of your actions could include the possibility of not being able to get a house, student loan, or a computer job - and then realize that it is also no one else’s fault but your own if you are homeless, have no transportation, are not able to go to school, ect.) - if you screw up, realize it may have long term consequences, and that they are YOUR cross to bear, and YOURS alone!
- People who I allow into my life that then violate my trust, use me, or disrespect my husband, home, or family - PERIOD (Another major one)
- Drama and the women who try to spread it around my friends and blame me for everything that has gone wrong in their lives although there are a slew of OTHER pissed off people who could have done the same shit as well (See also, once again, Karma or home wrecker - either will suffice)
So all that being said, over all, I will always be me, happy, opinionated, but real…. Any questions, feel free to ask, but don't open your mouth about me unless you REALLY know the facts...... otherwise, may the Karma Ghosties haunt you for the rest of you life.
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My Interests



They make me smile....


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All the things I love!

TATTOOS! I am a sucker for tattoos! I have a dozen at the moment, and plan on being covered by the time I die. Currently, I have:

~Temple Decorations~
- The Virgo Zodiac on the back of my neck
- The symbols for love and betrayal on my shoulders
- The symbols for mother and child on my blades
- The symbols for beg and bitch on my hips
- My husband's Aquarius on my left wrist, incorporated into a rockin' wave that was hand drawn by Abram at Saint's Inc
- A dolphin backpiece that is drawn around a yin yang and wave motif on my back
- All three of my children's nicknames added to the back piece two weeks later.

All in all, I have spent a total of 25 or so hours in an artist's chair, and plan on spending a LOT more time there. I want to do my whole left arm in a sleeve by the time that I am done, representing the healing powers of the ocean - and I'm afraid of pool water!
Travel - I love to travel. I have been to Guam, Hawaii, Tokyo, and many others in my short time on this earth. I have seen every state but Alaska, and been to many parts of Canada. If I had to choose one place to live out my life, it would have to be Guam. There is just something about that place that makes you rediscover a part of yourself, and makes you whole, like a child again, who is not afraid to explore the world, and themselves, from the inside, out.

I'd like to meet:



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While the general requirement is that you be human (tweakers and speed freaks need not apply), I really don't mind who you are, as long as you don't like to play the 'pit people against eachother' game, or bring drama into my home. Self esteem and the ability to A) Be happy enough with yourself that you don't try to destroy my relationship with my husband OR B) Realize that better slime bags have tried with a failed result is a must.

Frankly, if you try to sleep with my husband, lie to everyone blatently about me because you are miserable, or attempt to disrupt my life to make yours better, you are, by definition, a skeeze - feel free to go play in traffic.

Music:



Music, as the old cliche goes, is literally my life; it has saved me after pushing me over the edge, made me laugh the sweetest laughs after the most bitter trears were cried, and perfectly outlined those crystal clear moments in my life. Music can make enimies out of friends and bring two warring countries together as bosom buddies.

My life growing up as a child was never easy nor enviable, but I am lucky enough to have a mother who, in her teen years played in the Utah Youth Symphony, and still to this day (provided her health allows it), has the honor to play with various Philharmonics, and in various pits as part of state wide plays and functions.. This is not to say that she always approves of the lyrical choices of my music - however, it will always be the intricacies of the track it's self that she knows I appriciate. So here's to you mom - you made me appriciate everything from Bach and Motzart to Rammstien, intentional or not

SOME OF THE GENERAL SOURCES OF DEPRAVITY:

While there have been many different groups that have influenced my life, my dancing style, and the way I veiw the world, some of the most influential ones have been(the short list - LOL):
~Music I Love~:
SWOLLEN MEMBERS
NIRVANA
SERJ TANKIAN
SYSTEM OF A DOWN
Almost ANY Techno
Sweatshop Union
Akon
Paramore
Murs
Kotton Mouth Kings
SpiderBait
Fiona Apple
Tori Amos
BT
Green Day
Jane's Addiciton
Bone Thugs n' Harmony
Nirvana
Placebo
Smashing Pumpkins
Jedi Mind Tricks
Seether
Moka Only
Tech Ni9ne
Atmosphere
Sage Francis
Merc
Dialated Peoples
Tool
APC
Depeche Mode
Nelly Furtado
Aqua
Letters to Cleo
They Might Be Giants
Sneaker Pimps
Slipknot
System of A Down
Powerman 5000
Nine Inch Nails
Cold
Rob Zombie
Marilyn Manson
The Doors
Queens of the Stoneage
Gorillaz
Dresden Dolls
Foo Fighters
Eminem (Funny Fucker)
Obie Trice
D12
Sean Paul
The Doors
The Rolling Stones
Staind
Disturbed
Mindless Self Indulgence
Korn
Type O Negative
Alanis Morrissette
Blink 182
Queen
Tiesto
Shaggy
DJ Sammy
Pat Benatar
Micheal Jackson (When he was still black)
DECENT Remixes/Remake Ripoffs done by the likes of D.H.T., Cascadia, Yanou
Anything with a decent break beat.....

That being said, yes there are a few (well QUITE a few) bands that bug the SHIT out of me, guarentee that I will have a migraine withing the first 5 of the 16 bars, make me wanna shoot myself, and/or are severly over rated:

~Tunes That Bug~
'New' Madonna
Garth Brooks
A.F.I
Trisha Yearwood
George Straight
Faith Hill
Tim MacGraw
Death Cab for Cutie
Anything by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
Beyonce Knowles
Kevin Federline (that man needs to crawl back to his trailer)
Nas
Puff Daddy, Ditty, Puffy, whatever the hell his name is this week
The Pussy Cat Dolls (YOU'RE NOT THAT HOT!)
Ja Rule
Ashanti
R. Kelly
Any Song where the main lyric is "Yo", where the primary reference to women is done by the word "Bitch" or where at the end of it you can play it backwards and get everything back (your dog, your car.....)

Movies:



There are a LOT - but these are the best ones:

~Cinomatic Bliss~
The Island
Garden State
The Hills Have Eyes
American History X
The Craft
SLC Punk
Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
A History of Violence
Fight Club
Over the Hedge
Swing Kids
Monster's Inc.
The Forgotten
Clerks II
Underworld
Step Up
Stomp the Yard
Black Daliah
Farce of the Penguins
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Stick It
Matrix
Hackers
The Kingdom

Television:



House
Bones
Six Feet Under
Rescue Me
Law and Order SVU
Law and Order
Nip/Tuck
Jerico
Futurama
Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Red Dwarf

(All the Discontinued Ones)Stargate SG-1
Andromida

Freaks and Geeks
Arrested Development
Dr. Who

Horoscope for Virgo
14 Mar 2007


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Books:



PRETTY'S TO PLAY WITH!!!



Psycological Thrillers

Historical Anything to do with WWII

Anything Vampire related

Heroes:



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The Real People:

My kiddies

My Honey

Dad Winmill (05/06), John(07/05) and Bri Bri (01/06) (May they rest in peace)

Buddah

Bob Marley

The Makers of Fentonol, Xanax, and Klonopin (they allow me to do that fun shit called breathing while dealing with idiots)
The 'Pretend' Ones:

Tyler Durdan

The creators of wwtdd.com (What Would Tyler Durdan Do .com)

All of the Inmates at the Virginia State Prison who will be fighting MICHAEL VICK in illigal matches for smokes and bootleg booze


My Blog

Still not Ready to Play Nice

I had thought that this had all been laid to rest and that being silent about it would be the best way to handle things - by not adding fuel to self destructive behavior, I could finally live my life ...
Posted by Hellish Fairy on Tue, 11 Mar 2008 02:57:00 PST

Calm and No More Storms

Ahh the simple non complexity that is my life.   It took a few days for me to figure out what was going on and why it is that my life is almost (dare I say it) serene.  I am finally surround...
Posted by Hellish Fairy on Thu, 21 Feb 2008 05:34:00 PST

God It’s Stuck in My Head

For some reason the song that is stuck in my head today is from one of my favorite foul mouthed bands, The Medic Droid.  So for your entertainment, here ya go: Get down girl go ahead now shake it...
Posted by Hellish Fairy on Thu, 17 Jan 2008 06:44:00 PST

Kicking Rocks Around in My Head

A family topic brought up in campfire has lead me to think about a few things.  This topic has been about immigration - a sticky subject at best.   I have a major problem with illegals but n...
Posted by Hellish Fairy on Wed, 16 Jan 2008 02:23:00 PST

Booze is No Longer an Issue - Can You Tell I Don’t Care Now? (It’s Personal)

Ok.  So NOW I remember why I used to drink.  I'm a few shots in, so please forgive the occasional fuck up with the English language (The sad part would be if all the grammar is correct).&nbs...
Posted by Hellish Fairy on Thu, 03 Jan 2008 01:09:00 PST

Ahhhh This Year Has Been Fun

So many people do this shit at the end of the year, and blah blah blah here I am. I figured that this is the time to reflect, as painful as it can be. THree birthdays, the anniversary of three deaths,...
Posted by Hellish Fairy on Sat, 29 Dec 2007 03:09:00 PST

If These are the Standards for Admittance, Im A Shoo-In

So I have been working on a computer for a family member for the last couple of days and attempting to get it a little bit more friendly for her. The laptop was purchased from a student at one of the...
Posted by Hellish Fairy on Tue, 18 Dec 2007 07:56:00 PST

I Believe in Forgiveness, but I Cant Forget Anymore (AKA The Adult World)

I saw an amazingly trite statement that made me laugh, from someone who refuses to follow her own advice. 'It doesn't matter what happened in the past, it matters what you do now'. Huh interesting. S...
Posted by Hellish Fairy on Sun, 16 Dec 2007 08:47:00 PST

M3RR1FR33K1NXMS - Now Get the Hell Off My Doorstep

Ah It's that time of year again. The time of year that we blackmail our children into being good with threats of Santa, we ignore the fact that the whole little 'holiday' that is celebrated was stole...
Posted by Hellish Fairy on Wed, 12 Dec 2007 05:29:00 PST

Falling is Easy, Its Getting Back Up That Becomes the Problem

Around this house, we believe in remembering both good days and bad ones that highlight our lives. Why the bad ones, you ask? Because in remembering the bad ones, we are reminded to not repeat the sa...
Posted by Hellish Fairy on Wed, 05 Dec 2007 04:28:00 PST