^Above Song is Sung by Me, Chad Cartledge^
Susan's Testimony (My Wife)
In my teenage years I was a very lost child. I had little friends, was very shy, and constantly depressed, hiding that from everyone around me. While in my bouts of depression I had suicide on my mind quite a few time and even tried it once.
I kept to myself at school and at home, in my "own little world" ignoring what was all around me. I became friends with the wrong kinds of people; drug addicts, alcoholics, etc. I soon found out that the reason I was becoming friends with them is because I was in hopes that I could change them from their bad ways. I didn't know why at the time, but I needed to and felt that I was the only one that could help them. I did help one person but never was able to help the others.
When I was 16 years old I met a man that had been best friends with someone that I knew very well. Him and I started dating and I found out not too long after that he too, like everyone I seemed to be drawn to, was heavy into drugs. It went through my head over and over that I should not be with this person but I stayed with him. I tried so hard to get him to stop the drugs that he was doing to strengthen our relationship and to help him be a better person. He did finally stop the drugs after a few years and after it had sent him to the hospital.
I was so excited that the drugs were finally not apart of his life and was ecstatic when he asked me to be his wife, but soon after our relationship went sour. We grew far apart after being together for 3 years and I had once again become a very depressed person. He didn't treat me as I had hoped he would. I changed the person I was because he became controlling and angry with me all the time. I was not happy but I was in hopes that, again, I could change our relationship for the better. I stayed with him for an additional 3 years. I became bisexual looking for the attention I wasn't getting in my relationship. I even went so far as to bring the Bisexuality into the relationship, in hopes that it would make my fiance' happy. At the time, it seemed to work, but in all honesty, I was still very miserable and my hopes for a better relationship with him soon faded.
I met Chad around the music scene with my then fiancé, and felt a strong connection with him. Chad eventually became a close friend of mine.
After a while of being where I was with the man I was with, I decided that I could no longer be with him. I was trying to find a way to tell him but I was very afraid of him at that point. He got involved with the Law in an unlawful manner, and I saw that as my perfect opportunity. I left him and felt the biggest weight lifted off of me that I have ever felt.
Chad and I talked and, around that time started a relationship. We connected so well and wanted the same thing, which was to get married and have a family. We got engaged in January and married in May. We found out in November that we were pregnant and having a little boy. We were overwhelmed with excitement and planned everything out perfectly. We lost our son, Conner, at 23 weeks into the pregnancy. We were upset but we knew that the Lord wanted him and we thanked him for choosing our son. At that moment I became a very strong believer. My son was chosen out of all the healthy babies born that day, to be with God. My husband and I decided to rededicate our lives to the Lord. We got baptized January 6th of 08'.
Through all the things I went through in my life I never understood why I had to go through the hardships I did. I now know the reason. It was because God knew I was strong and was preparing me to be someone that cold help spread His name. I am now reading the bible and talking about it with friends. I have never felt so loved by anyone as I do the Lord. He has given me the man I have always wanted, the strength with my parents that I have yearned for since I was young and the spiritual strength that I thought I lost more then 10 years ago.
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Jesus Christ