First and foremost, your AIM screen name should be some rad song title and/or lyric. Remember, the more x's you have in it, the more scene you are.
Next, go buy yourself some girl's jeans. Face it, the tighter your jeans are, the more scene you will be, and the more the hardcore kids will hate you for it. Try on a pair of jeans and find that you're a perfect woman's 2? Buy a woman's 0 and suck it in.
After you buy your jeans, go straight to Hot Topic and buy every single band shirt they have. Even if you've never listened to the band, or worse, never head of them either. [Being scene, you're supposed to know every single band in the scene. Duh.] If people ask you about them, just say you like the "old stuff" and no one will ever know that you actually hate Norma Jean. Never buy anything larger than a Youth Medium. Ever.
Dont forget to pick up a white leather belt on your way out!
So, now you're dressed pretty scene, but how's your hair? Is it dyed black? Maybe with some bleach-blonde streaks? Do your bangs cover one of your eyes? If you answered no to any of these, shut up, grab a pair of scissors, and chop away. Never go and get your hair done, ALWAYS do it yourself.
Good job. Now your hair is the sex. But, your look wont get you anywhere if you dont know how to dance. And by dance, I mean beat the crap out of people. First of all, you need to make sure you claim your space in the pit. As the band starts, push everyone back and scream something obscene. Then you need to start to pace the pit just so everyone knows that you can move in your pants. Pacing the pit involves doing a half walk-half skip across the room, while looking downwards and shaking your head. But dont mess up your hair.
Then, when the time is right [trust me, you'll know when] throw your arm back and hopefully, you'll hit someone in the face.
5 scene points if his nose bleeds.
Begin two-stepping. If you dont know how to two-step, you might as well leave and go practice in your living room in front of a mirror until you get it. Add some sweet floor-punches and a couple spin-kicks into the crowd, and you're set. Notice how I didnt mention the windmill. It's because that everyone knows that everyone is able to do the windmill. Too bad.
Now for the pile up! As everyone runs up to the stage, make sure you go last so you can be that cool kid on top of the pile. If you dont know the words to the song, fake it, and hope that its just screaming.
Your job is done.
Stand in the middle of the floor, with your arms crossed and survey the scene.
Good job, scene. Good job.
So you're offically labeled an asshole now that you've given a couple of people black eyes. That's ok, that's the point.
Now that you're back home, go straight for your computer and immediately check your myspace. Get really pissed off when you dont have any friend requests, and get even more pissed off when no one has left you a comment in the 6 hours you werent home. Figure its because you havent updated your pictures in a couple of weeks and go take some more. Take about 80, but use the 2 most flattering ones. Remember, the more skin you show, or if you're sitting on the toilet, the more comments you will get.
Go outside and have a cig break and redraw the black X's on your hands. Afterall, you ARE straightedge. Everyone KNOWS cigs dont count!
Look up at the stars, sigh, and thank god that you're not emo.
Even though you really are
