synthetik profile picture

synthetik

you're a moron. you just don't know it yet.

About Me


home ~~ your worthless page ~~ the best page in the universe ~~ useless junk ~~ how to be gay ~~ your idol ~~ classic shit ~~ how not to be gayi’m not on myspace to play the numbers game - posting skin shots to attract another nameless face to a friends list full of people that i’d probably avoid like the plague in real life, in an artificial venue where “friends” have become the commodity and pictures - the currency. i’m not here to sell myself. i’m here to be myself. if you need a photo of me to take interest in the things i say, and the dynamic I present,… then you think on a level too visceral, dilapidated and trivial to ever interest me. i purposefully refuse to post my pic as a way to filter out that sort of insipid, simple-minded thinking that’s lulled me into a stupor and bored me all my life - thinking that emphasizes anything over substance. my pictures are something i only share with people who've earned my trust...that decision is based on personal preference and not shame. don't like it? you don't have to be on my page. i don’t feel the need to be recognized or accepted, nor do I define myself based on other people’s opinions of me. i really just don’t give a fuck. the question is whether i like you…. not whether you like me.
"in a dream i had.... in a sleep i had.... you were a fish... and i could not swim"
-anonymous
i'm 5'11". i don't drink, smoke, or do any drugs. staying healthy and fit is something that's exceedingly important to me. the gym is my second home. i'm 28 now. i graduated law school at 24, and passed the california bar several months after i graduated. i have hazel eyes, and spikey brown hair that i recently buzzed off cause i decided to be lazy and opt for sleep over the 8 minutes it takes me to do my hair. when i did have hair, i threw it in a messy spikey part using pomade [gel is trash]. i went to a very well recognized undergraduate school where i majored in molecular biology with minors in both chemistry in physics. i'm an attorney now practicing intellectual property law. i've been playing guitar for 12 years . it gives me peace. before law school i promoted clubs for pretty much any club worth mentioning in the orange and los angeles county areas. easy money was the main impetus for my decision to promote... but i prefer a good lounge to a club, where i can sit down and talk to my friends without having to strain myself just to hear or yell just to be heard. i'm confident and comfortable in my own skin. i recognize the line between confidence and cockiness and i'm careful not to cross it. cockiness is just an overcompensation for a lack of confidence [and its an ailment that plagues a lot of people here on my space]. i'm blunt, in case you couldn't tell. i don’t feel the need to stifle or censor myself. honesty and truth are important to me. i'm well-spoken and used to being the most intelligent person i know, and that gets boring. i’m a very private person. i love dark humor, sarcasm, quick wit, and intelligence. my friends have my undying loyalty, and i have theirs. i don't get worked up easily... i'm as calm and laid back as they come. don't mistake my biting and sarcastic sense of humor for being up-tight. being witty and calm aren't mutually exclusive.
"clouds will part. and the sky cracks open. and god himself will reach his fucking arm through. just to push you down. just to hold you down"
- nine inch nails: the wretched

My Interests

sarcasm, beauty, sushi, poetry [pablo neruda], individuality [as in people with a sense of identity that they didn't jack/steal/borrow/adopt from corporate america, a magazine, a commercial, or from the people who immediately surround them. i'm tired of you cookie cutters. find your own personality], playing pool, working out, music [everything except country. why? because country music is a worthlessly insipid grating cacophony of middle american stupidity. disagree? don't bother. you're wrong.], being a dick, mango and strawberry mochi, concerts [mainstream and underground], confidence, beautiful women, vintage amps, van gogh's mulberry tree, vasily kafanov, mina loy, sartre, nietzsche, making music, existentialism, solipsism, sexual deviancy, pomegranates, laughing at idiots, playing guitar (for 12 years), the art of conversation, tea, intelligence, stuff, boobies, playing poker, pushing people's buttons, preparation h raymond, pierre bernard's recliner of rage, tps reports, maddox, adriana lima, stephanie seymour, contradicting myself for my own amusement, dostoevsky, f. scott fitzgerald, herman hesse, my ipod, final fantasy [favorites: iii, viii, x, advent children - so beautiful] jalapeno flavored kettle cooked chips, stating my opinion as fact, 'stealing' music on limewire, high fidelity audio, jamba juice, fashion, bread pudding, german cars, bmw m engineering, chess, travel, rome's trastaveri district, andalusia spain, frank gehry's architecture [the guggenheim in bilbao, the walt disney conert hall], modern architecture, beautiful women , magnetic personalities, beautiful women with magnetic personalities, her: that somebody always on my mind.

What I find attractivetall brunettes [by tall i mean at least 5'8"], light eyes, glowing skin, good posture, intelligence, confidence, long flowing skirts, loyalty, a certain demureness, a serene & calm demeanor, lady-like women who don't curse, non-smokers, a girl who takes care of her body and goes to the gym, sexual deviance, nice eyebrows, delicate features, achievement, loyalty & dedication, a girl who won't let me walk all over he [but who at the same time isn't overbearing in her assertiveness], a love for music, well spoken and well educated women, charisma and charm, a love for children, independent thinking, good fashion sense, symmetry, god given straight hair or fat curls, a girl who doesn't wear or need to wear much makeup [you know a girl is gorgeous if you see her without makeup and she's no less beautiful]. adriana lima, stephanie seymour, linda evangelista, mandy moore [her height & immaculate skin] charlize theron, natalia vodianova, alessandra ambrosio, to name a few.

"you are the ghost of my indecision..."
-smashing pumpkins: blank page

I'd like to meet:

billy corgan [ a true musical visionary. lyrically no one holds a candle to him and sonically he has an uncanny ability to take the music where ever it needs to be at that moment in the song. he scored the soundtrack to my life. easily, he's the most prolific singer/songwriter of our generation. and he drops jewels on us like the aeroplane flies high boxed set. gratitude doesn't even begin to express my sentiment towards him.], adriana lima [obvious reason here kids... she's the most gorgeous girl to have ever lived. you might disagree. but you'd be wrong. why? because you'd have to be suffering from some severe head trauma or other debilitating condition like cerebral palsy or spinal bifida to disagree. don't be stupid. trust me on this, you love adriana lima.] trent reznor [this guy turns misery, despair, wretch, anguish, hurt, shame, drear, and pain into something beautiful. you've never seen such beauty in sadness. he proves that its not the emotion itself that's important... it's the absolute value of emotion that's important... that depression can be just as powerful as happiness.... that its better to feel all emotions in extremes rather than suppressing 'negative emotions' and embracing 'positive emotions' he proves that life is about feeling] van gogh [if i could look at only one painting for the rest of my life it would be van gogh's mulberry tree. if you want to be a lemming you can choose the mona lisa, the last supper, or any one of the four total paintings you're familiar with. that's your idiot prerogative. but if you want to stare at something that captures you and won't let go, gaze on the mulberry tree. it is beautifully simple complexity distilled onto a canvas. and don't think staring at a picture of it online is enough... go see the real deal at the norton-simon museum].

"peel off our skin, we're going to burn what we were to the ground, fuck in the fire and we'll spread all the ashes around"
- nine inch nails: sunspots

Who I'd like to meet (con't):
tim burton, axl rose [has there ever been a more dynamic personality than this guy? the guy is fucked up in the head and you have to love it], maddox [dare i say it... this guy might very well be as articulate as i am, and with the dark sense of humor to boot, his website is one of the few things that gets a real laugh out of me], jay gordon, courtney love [so i can bitch smack the dumb whore for being such a dumb whore, for letting kurt slip through our fingers, then for managing to lose custody of her daughter, then for managing to go from ugly to hideously ugly, and lastly for being a dumb whore. did i already mention that?], butch vig [singlehandedly defined the sonic landscape of the early 90's - the most potent era of music since the beatles - by producing masterpieces like the smashing pumpkins's siamese dream, and nirvana's nevermind. i have a tremendous amount of respect for the guy. what i wouldn't give to sit in the studio with him for a day. oh yeah.. he's also the drummer and producer for garbage.] dr. phil [ leave it to oprah fucking winfrey - the poster child of worthless middle-aged housewives with no sense of identity - to give us a character as insipid, inane, and effeminate as the stammering and hypocritical dr.phil. let me just point out a few problems with this pussy-whipped goon other than his obnoxiously shaped dome and mid-section. 1) he's from texas. 2) he's from texas 3) he has the audacity to write a book on dieting when he's touching on morbidly obese. 4) he doles out unsolicited advice on how to manage a family when it's clear that he's the doormat in his own family. grow some hair on your nuts and be a man dr. phil. your wife has bigger balls than you do. and she probably sports a nicer mustache too. i don't know who's worse ...dr. phil or the mindless dullards who watch his show. i guess i'll just have to donkey punch the both of you. by the way dr. phil... keep hiking up those pants fred mertz style. nice fucking mustache. douche.], bill o'reilly [why you ask? because i'd like to throw an elbow to his jugular and bludgeon him with a wooden spoon. its not his politics that are an issue for me. his poltics aren't actually half bad. it's that he's an unwaivering hypocrite whose worthless adherence to a given position in the face of insurmountable arguments to the contrary makes for boring tv. oh yeah.. the o'reilly factor for kids??? great book. shit hat.]

"i see your picture, i smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine. you have only been gone ten days, but already i'm wasting away"
- incubus: i miss you

Shit I despise:
1] people who can't grasp basic grammar, syntax, and spelling - you know you fall in this category if you don't know the difference between: a) your & you're [the first alludes to possession the other is a contraction of you and are], b) then & than [the first pertains to timing and temporal considerations the other distinguishes between things] c) who & whom [the first is a subject - meaning it's doing the acting, the other is a direct object, meaning it is being acted upon] d) the i/me distinction [if you say shit like "sarah and me went to the brothel" OR "this vagistat belongs to sarah and i" you fall in this category, fucktard. "i" is a subject, "me" is a direct object. refer above to 'c' if your stammering mind can't remember the sentence you just read 15 seconds ago distinguishing the two] e) to & too [ too means "also" or "as well" or can be used to emphasize things such as in the sentence "there are too many canker sores surrounding my whorish mouth, i must have an std." and god help you if you don't know what "to" means] e) good & well [good modifies nouns. well modifies verbs. as in, "i am good" and "i am doing well".... and not "i am well" or "i'm doing good"]. get off the fucking short bus, idiots. do yourself a fucking favor and at least create the illusion that you have an iq above 'borderline retarded'... use a fucking spell check program and pay attention to it so you can learn something, derelict. 2]fakes [if you're one of these, congratulations.... they don't come any more pathetic and sad than you. you know you have no life if you have to adopt someone else's persona and appearance as your own, in a desperate attempt to feel better about your miserable life. you're better off just ending it]. 3] cookie cutter personalities [basically if people can sum up your persona in two sentences or less, you fall in this category. examples include: "ditsy blondes" "punk rock kids," "goth kids," "emo kids," "surf kids," "club rats." ad infinitum. i'm not interested in knowing one-dimensional people. in fact, i'm only interested in meeting multi-faceted people that i could never hope to get to know in one sitting]. 4] girls (or guys) who post skin pics to attract mindless dullards to their webpage in an attempt to boost their fragile attention-starved egos [i mean you don't go around in real life squeezing your tits together, flashing people your ass and stomach do you? funny what people do when normal social repercussions are filtered out of consideration... courtesy of the internet. you're just making yourself look desperate.]

"without you, everything falls apart. without you, it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces"
- nine inch nails: the perfect drug"

Shit I detest:
religous zealots, ideologues, smokers, black licorice, olives, people who take themselves too seriously, people who yell into their cell phones, any moron who claims to be a 'player', pleated pants, mindless trend-following lemmings [if you pop your collar, you're one of these], hesitant drivers [i'm still waiting on an asian women who will dispel the stereotype. i'm pretty sure none exist], stupid-heads, mannish women, mountain dew [i refuse to drink anything that looks like anti-freeze. no wonder this shit has been found to shrink your balls], born-again christians [just cause you're born-again doesn't make you any less of a slut. don't delude yourself], any and all films by m. night shyamalan [if i wanted to wach horribly uninspired over-simplified plots unwinding at a snail's pace with one minor twist at the end, i'd watch buffy the vampire slayer], buffy the vampire slayer, any person who falls within their racial stereotype [asian women- you should think about taking driving classes as an entire population], names like: laronda, lashonda, shaneequah, lateefah, shoshanda, ad nauseum. vin diesel fans, vin diesel movies, jay leno and every word that comes out of his mouth, cigarette smoke, all movies starring meg ryan [meg ryan in a movie means one thing and one thing only: you're about to see another one of her "romantic feel-good comedies" that's identical to all the other movies she's ever done, just with a different name. sleepless in seattle should've clued me in to how much i'd like to poop on this bitch. but it wasn't until "you've got mail" that i knew she actually deserved my fecal matter. congratulations meg ryan - you've led a long, trite, and uninspired career. you can go to the grave knowing you unwittingly starred in the same piece of shit bitch-flick 15 times over. wench]. coheed & cambria [if i wanted to listen to a whiny bitch of a chipmunk singing a song, i'd turn on alvin & the chipmunks... at least they have talent]

"pick a song and sing a yellow nectarine. take a bath, i'll drink the water that you leave. if you should die before me, ask if you can bring a friend. pick a flower, hold your breath and drift away"
- stone temple pilots: still remains

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Music:

smashing pumpkins, billy corgan, radiohead, depeche mode, nine inch nails, pink floyd, the cure, muse, elliot smith, silverchair, the stills, interpol, deftones, stabbing westward, 30 seconds to mars, a perfect circle, tool, stone temple pilots, alice in chains, rage against the machine, nirvana, pearl jam, soundgarden, garbage, the faint, orgy, deadsy, incubus, guns n' roses, fleetwood mac, cat stevens, sting, the police, queens of the stone age, tori amos, danny elfman, the edward scissorhand's score, mazzy starfranz ferdinand, daft punk, at the drive in, the mars volta, beck, led zeppelin, the doors, chris cornell, coldplay, dashboard confesional, red hot chilli peppers, john frusciante, eric clapton, david bowie, fiona apple, filter, gorillaz, the smiths, weezer, hot hot heat, kasabian, the strokes, the music, the white stripes, postal service, death cab for cutie, rilo kiley, snow patrol, massive attack, yeah yeah yeahs, the arcade fire, autolux, iron & wine, jose gonzales, justice, the knife, ladytron

"your love is a verb, here in my room"
-incubus: here in my room

Movies:

edward scissorhands, requiem for a dream, mulholland drive, great expectations, american history x, this boy's life, troy, 21 grams, snatch, devil's advocate, mystic river, million dollar baby, meet joe black, american beauty, kids, fight club, reservoir dogs, chocolat, lord of the rings trilogy, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, being john malkovich, tombstone, the big lebowski, office space, super troopers, napoleon dynamite, back to the future trilogy, team america: world police, matrix, the ring, goodfellas, casino, donnie brasco, ninth gate, boondock saints, big fish, seven, anything tim burton, anything david lynch.

Television:

entourage, conan o'brien, the sopranos, seinfeld, chappelle's show, saturday night live, the office (bbc version), kids in the hall, crossfire, meet the press, da ali g show.
Beautiful prose
thirty three
[billy corgan]
speak to me in a language i can hear
humour me before i have to go
deep in thought i forgive everyone
as the cluttered streets greet me once again
i know i can't be late
supper's waiting on the table
tomorrow's just an excuse away
so i pull my collar up and face the cold
on my own
the earth laughs beneath my heavy feet
at the blashphemy in my old jangly walk
steeple guide me to my heart and home
the sun is out and up and down again
i know i'll make it
love can last forever
graceful swans of never
topple to the earth
and you can make it last
forever you
and for a moment i lose myself
wrapped up in my pleasures of the world
i've journeyed here & there & back again
in the same old haunts i still find my friends
mysteries not ready to reveal
sympathies i'm ready to return
medellia of the gray skies
[billy corgan]
you're an empty promise
you're an easy chair
you're the gods forces
struck down somewhere
you're a secret noticed
you're a mystery sky
you're a wish floating
up to the night
medellia of my eyes
you're the emptiness of I
you're the reason that I write
and if you say you will
i would love you still
and if I could
i'd throw away this world
i'd dress you all in pearls
i'd give you what you wanted
you're all I notice
in a crowded room
your vacant motives
unmoved, revealed
medellia of my eyes
you're the emptiness of I
you're the reason that I drive
and if you say you will
i would love you still
and if I just could
be anything for you
just anyone at all
anything that mattered, washed out
you're the silly reasons
in a goldfish laugh
you're the ageless seasons
at rest, at last

Heroes:

me. i'm the best.

My Blog

have a problem with meat??? eat shit. (part 1)

  recently i was at a friend’s birthday party. for those of you who don’t know, a birthday party, is an event where some asshole invites everyone he’s ever so much as casua...
Posted by synthetik on Sat, 22 Mar 2008 08:47:00 PST

how two mannish neanderthals became sex symbols: the venus and serena williams story

venus and serena williams. man oh man are they ugly. but there's no doubting their athletic ability. they're the cream of the crop as far as women's tennis goes.. a sport second only to women's basket...
Posted by synthetik on Tue, 27 Sep 2005 01:31:00 PST

promoting on myspace: a moron's guide to bankrupting clubs everywhere

  im tired of all these dim-witted morons trying to promote on myspace. youre not promoters. stop deluding yourselves, clods.     true promoting: a primer every tom, dick and laron...
Posted by synthetik on Wed, 05 Oct 2005 05:01:00 PST

motorcyclists: dicks who enjoy the taste of asphalt and/or dick

  not too long ago, i was enjoying a club sandwich.... which is clearly the best sandwich ever made. it was a close call between the beef dip sandwich w/ au jus and the club sandwich. but after i...
Posted by synthetik on Thu, 01 Feb 2007 10:49:00 PST

don't be a pussy. steal music.

  here's an argument i'm tired of hearing:   "downloading music on the internet without paying for it is morally reprehensible and illegal. you shouldn't do it"     fu...
Posted by synthetik on Fri, 28 Oct 2005 04:59:00 PST

be a good christian. pray for tony danza's end

  tony danza: demon spawn of mahatma ghandi and one of the three golden girls [they're all closet whores, so there's no way to know for sure which one ghandi plowed]. you might remember him from...
Posted by synthetik on Tue, 27 Sep 2005 02:22:00 PST

the ten best albums since 1990

  here's my list. don't agree with it? feel free to post your top 10....     1) smashing pumpkins - siamese dream   from beginning to end, siamese dream is a marvel of sonic mast...
Posted by synthetik on Tue, 27 Sep 2005 01:59:00 PST

slore 1 - sotasfinest. whore tried to claim keyra's ass as her own & gets owned in the process

a brief tutorial... for those of you not familiar with keyra augustina, she's a chick who's widely revered as having the best ass on the net... and i can't say i disagree. "but gee syn... i'm pretty s...
Posted by synthetik on Tue, 27 Sep 2005 12:18:00 PST

ushering in a new era of shit talking on myspace. no more of this let's be friends bullshit

  i've been on myspace for two days now, and in those two days i've come to some very important realizations. read carefully because every word i type will change your life.     realiz...
Posted by synthetik on Tue, 27 Sep 2005 11:47:00 PST