Retardo Montalban profile picture

Retardo Montalban

God bless your crooked little heart...

About Me

Here's a true-to-life little sliver of dialogue that might shed a little light on the answer to this question:

Eleanor, Age 4: What's your name?

Me: My name is Peter.

Eleanor: Ha Ha, that's funny. Like Spiderman, huh?

Me: {sigh}

Eleanor: Why do you have an earring?

Me: Because I like it.

Eleanor: Is it because you want to look like a pirate?

Me: {buries his head in his hands and again sighs a deep sigh} Yes, Eleanor. So I can look like a pirate. That's why I have an earring.

Eleanor: Well you don't do a very good job at it. You don't look like a pirate at all...

My Interests

Songwriting, Reading, 8th Grade Makeout Parties, Baseball, Managing my dog's ongoing anxiety issues, Blissfully lollygagging through life with a boomin' case of ADHD, whiskey, hugging the air conditioner, tattoos, white russians, exploring new places, NASCAR, and strategically changing the subject when my mom asks "exactly how MUCH of a pay cut did you take at this new job?"

I'd like to meet:

Tell you what - If you're NOT one of the people I want to meet, I'll be sure to tell you.

Music:

Social Distortion, Jayhawks, Wilco, Matthew Ryan, Fastball, Bill Monroe, Tom Waits, Lemonheads, Oasis, Elliot Smith, Travis, Sex Pistols, Coltrane, American Music Club, Eels, The Doors, Charlie Parker, Neil Diamond, Steve Earle, Gram Parsons, Pixies, REM, George Jones, Weezer, Neil Young, Ramones, Whiskeytown, Minibar, Old 97's, Descendents, Westerberg, Cracker, Johnny Cash, Anything Bob Mould ever touched, Elvis Costello, Matthew Sweet, Lucinda Williams, Springsteen, Emmylou Harris, Miles Davis, The Who, Daniel Lanois, Convoy, Bad Religion, Loretta Lynn, Pete Droge, Tift Merritt, Jeff Buckley, Smiths/Moz, Cake, Ray Charles, AC/DC, Dave Matthews (what?), Flaming Lips, Hefner, 2Pac, Kathleen Edwards, Hank I or III, Merle, Willie, Waylon, 45 Grave, Robert Earl Keen Jr, the Pinehurst Kids, Everyday Victory, and pretty much the rest of the whole damn Portland scene, just cause I miss it so damn much. In particular the good 'ol days at the Tonic Lounge... WHEN I GET OLD (Descendents)

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Movies:

Top Five, in no particular order: 1) Swingers, 2) Bottle Rocket, 3) Casablanca, 4) Royal Tenenbaums, 5) American Beauty (HONORABLE MENTION) The Big Lebowski, Raising Arizona, anything from the Fistfull of Dollars trilogy, Snatch, Reservoir Dogs, Singles, Anything by John Hughes in the 80's, Evil Dead 2 (And Army of Darkness, of course), Spinal Tap, Beautiful Girls, High Fidelity, About A Boy

Books:

Lately anything by Nick Hornby, Bill Gaston, or John Irving. I'm reading Cider House Rules right now.

Heroes:

Peter Pan, Mike Ness, Andy Kaufman, Johnny Knoxville, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Steve Prefontaine, Batman, Strongbad, Hunter Thompson, Luke Skywalker, Evel Knevel, and this guy