Kris profile picture

Kris

So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.

About Me

I like to jump out of planes. I have big hair but it smells really good. I have a really dirty mouth. I think if everyone were as laid back as they claim to be, the world wouldn’t be so filled with discord. I enjoy people who are not readily offended but are also not so ready to offend others. (Comedians are the exception. If you are offended by a comedian, go kill yourself now.) I like people who know how to say what they think and feel while still respecting others. I do not and will not associate with innately negative people – they can go kick rocks.I love carnies.Having Kris in your life is like waking up in the morning to find a platypus trapped in your bathtub, clawing at the grout, and messing with your girlfriend's shower caddy after you just had an argument the night before regarding how to keep the shower caddy from sliding off of the shower head and dumping the razor, sharp side up, onto the floor... but you ended up making up and having terrific sex not excluding the silken ropes & lavender-flavored pillow spray that made you somehow think of australian wildlife in the first place. -Michael Renner

My Interests

stand-up comedy, living green, sign language, reading, black bean salads from Calypso Cafe, riding my bike, live music, orange flavored candy, camping, watches, magic markers that smell like food, road trips, the letter K, pretending to have an accent other than my own, drive-in movies, key lime pie, puppy breath, curse words, fleurs-de-lis, trillian, getting text messages, socks with pictures on them, pancakes made by other people, google, random acts of kindness, learning new words and using them correctly in conversation, long sleeved t-shirts in any color but black, down comforters, the look on my niece's face when I say "yes, I am staying for dinner.", laughing so hard I have to leave the room, people who wave when you let them cut in traffic, plants that refuse to die, trivia games, getting just a little drunk, the number 19, people who refer to themselves in the third person, beating my sister in air hockey, cooking out, skee ball, learning all the words to a really fast/complicated song, burt's bees stuff, really cheap sunglasses, popping bubble wrap, double bass and cello music, bocce

I'd like to meet:

Anyone who thinks I'm funnyIra Glass Amy Sedaris Jim Gaffigan Zack Galifianakis Kevin Pollak Dane Cook Jon Roy Jon Stewart Demetri MartinYour mammy

Music:

Ray Lamontagne, Ryan Adams, Patty Griffin, The Old 97's, The Frames, Feist, Etta James, David Gray, Jem, John Butler Trio, Cary Brothers, Damien Rice, Jeff Buckley, Axiom of Choice, Sade, Sam Cooke, Coldplay, Jump,Little Children, Steve Earle, Lucinda Williams, Genesis, Sara Beck, Otis Redding, Tracy Chapman, A Fine Frenzy, Josh Rouse, Lori McKenna, Lizzie West, Cowboy Junkies, Dion and the Belmonts, Ingrid Lucia and the Flying Neutrinos, Blue Mountain, John Cougar Mellencamp, Percy Sledge, Anything suggested by The BDS

Movies:

Fight Club, Amelie, Juno, The Usual Suspects, Raising Arizona, Boondock Saints, Office Space, Superman, Garden State, Closer, Peggy Sue Got Married, Back to the Future, Godfather II, 13 Going on 30, LA Confidential, Secretary, The Big Lebowski, Shakespeare in Love, Batman Begins, Run Lola Run, Little Miss Sunshine, Kevin Smith Stuff

Television:

Screw tv.

Books:

Geek Love, Catch-22, The Devil's Dictionary, Lolita, A Journey into the Deaf-World, Layer Cake, Anything by Chuck Palahniuk, Christopher Moore, or Tom Robbins

Heroes:

It takes faith to believe, and it takes courage not to, and who is to say which is the deeper and more truthful. --Herbert Weisinger

My Blog

So strange yet so wonderful

Laughing German Midget Add to My Profile | More Videos...
Posted by Kris on Thu, 11 Oct 2007 03:01:00 PST

You won't believe it

I jumped out of a plane today. Seriously. Holy Balls!
Posted by Kris on Sun, 17 Dec 2006 05:44:00 PST

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is drawing near so I thought I would take a moment and list just a few things for which I am grateful. I am thankful that& &I have the opportunity to see my niece and nephew g...
Posted by Kris on Thu, 16 Nov 2006 09:19:00 PST

When nothing goes right...

If I ever again have a truly mad day and feel like the Gods must be crazy, before I go to the end of the earth and fling myself off with the coke bottle, I will remember that one day a friend wrote th...
Posted by Kris on Thu, 30 Mar 2006 09:28:00 PST