Secret Soldier - ProfilesArchive

About Me

"and i wonder why no one has noticed i'm dead and taken the trouble to bury me. for i am utterly collapsed." -elizabeth smart A lazy cat, with increadible motivation and an acute desire to drive myself crazy. Lost hopes of all that is despartly kind. I write on my mirrors, and keep tallies of my days on the wall beside my sink. Sometimes i think all i want in life is for someone to love me for my paintings. I collect personals in hopes of someday publishing, because people throw out inhibition when it comes to 10 count print faced type and i love it, loathe it. my favorite bird is the pigeon and bare feet on the dashboard make me quiver with delight. I want to be your secret sailor, your clever cat. ..

My Interests

hanging out, watching movies, anything fun, anything dull. anything extraordinary, spending all day in my t-shirt sheets, and painting, watch pigeons, watching people, watching pigeons watching people, watching people watching piegons, the simulated whip sound in christmas songs...oh i love it. drinking, grabbing for sweaty crotches, bobbing for apples, the crackle of a fireplace and you.

I'd like to meet:

Dorian Gray, Vagabons, Boy racers, lazy cats, sex gods, Marie Antoinette and joan of Arc. Preferably someone who is not afraid to say what they feel and feel what they say. Common decency is hard to find these days. Just be honast. I don't have room in my life for someone that feeds some stupid line in some stupid car. Hold me like you mean it.

Music:

smiths, morrissey, belle and sebatian, luck smiths, sundays, flogging molly, pulp, simon and garfunkel, patula clark, miracles, 10,000 maniacs, bjork, t-rex, innocense mission, pogues, blur, tori amos, bikini kill, velvet underground, stone roses, love and rockets, luca, arab strap, paolo conte, vasalines, bright eyes, yeah yeah yeahs, andrew sisters, blur, The supremes, etta james, billie holiday, portishead the list goes on

Movies:

i've been really into peter greenaway films like a zed and two naughts, and i just saw a dream for an insomniac--it was nice

Television:

full house, martha steward living, trading spaces, ab fab, sex and the city, the L word (thanks talon, thanks molly), 227, golden girls

Books:

dearest pet, invisible monsters, lolita, choke, by grand central station i sat down and wept, the bell jar, fastfood nation, skinny legs and all, the animal estate, our posthuman future, Picture of Dorian Gray

Heroes:

joan of arc, amilia eirheart, frankie avalon, annette funacello, the olsen twins

My Blog

reminded as a reminder

and it was as so, sitting uncomfortably still. it was a reminder of everything i wasn't doing. everything i hoped for, dreamed of, masterbated to. and like a fixture, like a bathroom sink, in the corn...
Posted by Secret Soldier on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

passing for a mystery

Tree covered roads, the highway behind us glowing red from spastic tail lights...breaking ever five seconds just to know we're alive. Silent for hours watching the train stop at hour intervals. I j...
Posted by Secret Soldier on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Finally finding my own courage too late

feeling re-produced, a product of something i can't control. And, with my head on his lap i remembered how safe I felt when i used to crawl under my bed and hide. I saw his face for the fi...
Posted by Secret Soldier on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

For successful living

In the harsh reality of the morning things seemed so much clearer. And i wondered why still drunk and red-eyed from the night before I did what i did. And the complexty that the mind creates on one ...
Posted by Secret Soldier on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

willing it so will never come

....and you know it can't be real, checking three times over, over dinner. I couldn't eat a bite that night, and remembering your face in those sleepy morning flashes of sunlight. I knew when i lef...
Posted by Secret Soldier on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

what's so amazing about really deep thoughts

i'm lost. i've never felt so lost before. Silent for many years. i had a moment of someone understanding, but i fucked that up. In fact, I, fuck everything up. i want to scatch your name in my...
Posted by Secret Soldier on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

"we love you and will see you soon. Be careful." -dad

I stood at a point once and realized that everything that was waiting for me was at the bottom of a revene....some thousand miles down, waiting patiently to devour me. i've climbed walls with no hori...
Posted by Secret Soldier on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

he called, half past four

and i must admit the sweet sound of that voice made my body ache. i lost myself for minutes at a time in nervousness, hatred, anger and sorry. But, his beauty unmatched antything i felt previous. S...
Posted by Secret Soldier on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

human or animal? A question of the pet.

--I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. August Strindberg, A Madman's Diary, 1895 Is a pet an animal? It seem a rather obliviously ...
Posted by Secret Soldier on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

in transit on the river styx

father, taken from us late last night, no warning, no last snow, that made our eyes sparkle. snow, the only bond we ever had. and he loved christmas trees and colored lights. cold fingers, ...
Posted by Secret Soldier on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST