WE'RE GOING TO F*&$£@G GLASTO BABY!!!
OY OY!! I'm John the Bassist and this is my page! Freakazoids Asteroids is the the name I loosely apply to the musical meanderings of my sunshine-tinged imagination and this is where I unleash my creations upon the nations - a dark, moist, slimey place where past, current and future friends and morbid onlookers can hurl randomness and vomit-stained underwear at me. If you're particularly unfortunate, I may even reply.
YOINK!! It's fuckin' LARRY you slags - BOW DOWN TO THE MASTER!!!
.....It starts when you Smoke too much and something bad happens to trigger the freakiest paranoia. You can feel it building from a hint, to a trickle, to a gushing ache tearing through your consciousness. When the nausea kicks in, you put on your headphones and turn some sweet-assed Funk up really loud. Gradually, the stream of fear running through your mind becomes something else, You bop your head, you start to smile, maybe smoke another and stay a while. A strobing, morphing, pulsating multipsychotechnicoloured Funkworm with hundreds of funky-booted legs throbs and wiggles it's way through a massive mutating forest like a slinky, each big bubbly bit of it's beady body bouncing to a different bite of this groove - then you start wanting to make music that throbs like blobs of heavy water, churning, yearning and gurning like a lava-lamp. You want to squeeze out thatFunky, churning, leaping feeling and spray it all over the walls, but you don't know how to do it. You listen to "The Mothership Connection" and "The Motor Booty Affair" non-stop for 4 months and experiment with both albums and HEROIC doses of mushrooms. You want to bring that Funk kicking and screaming into the 21st Century and mix it with a bit of everything - some mid-90's Dance music, Jazz some Zappa, maybe even a little Russian gypsy Jazz. You want to make peoples ears boil and their brains buzz with something so new and different that you don't know how to describe it. You hope that doing a degree in music will get you closer, but it really just displaces the stewing creation in your brain. You play in endless covers bands, playing ridiculous arrangements of your favourite music and thoroughly confusing anyone who might stumble accross it. Then you find a way of revolutionising everything you ever wanted to do and watch the people you love who once surrounded you setting off on their own adventures, which inspires you to get your ass in gear and squeeze that Funk out!. That's how you find yourself on 'ere, writing vaguely coherent stories in the event that vaguely coherent people read them and weep......or sleep.....
.....Non-musical things that I like? I like open-minded, uninhibited people; Pasties; people who aren't driven by money and material gain; green things; parma violets; Pasties; sunsets over the sea; moonlight on rivers; laughing to myself; dreaming; warm company; great big eyes; ginger cats; forward-thinking; Pasties; the idea of record-companyless-free-music; flared trousers; spinach; South Park; not having a television; sunglasses and a sombrero; spiral staircases; Pasties; smiling at people I don't know and getting them to smile back; ice-cream by the sea; jumping over bollards; that look she gives you when she wants you; girls in dresses; girls in trousers; girls in phoneboxes; postcards in the winter; coloured lightbulbs; massive silver pimp-hats; milk; late-night-philosophy; Pasties; Roald Dahl; last-nights incense; orange juice and toast; the journey there; FESTIVALS; blissed-out-ness; making love at lunchtime; breakfast-in-bed (NO toast!); seeing old friends; Pasties......
