Crystal Funke - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm a playwright from Charleston, SC. I write monologues and ten-minute plays, and I have written two musicals-Satan!: The Musical and Scenes From the Bible: A Musical Revue! Five of my short plays were recently performed in France, and my play "Never Trust an Angel" was recently performed at Cecil College in Maryland and is currently in the process of being turned into a short film! Most of my plays are on my blog, so feel free to read them...I'm always interested in finding out what people think of them!

My Interests

comedy, writing songs and plays, playing guitar, reading, cooking, watching Arrested Development, doing crossword puzzles.. width="425" height="350">.. .. ....>

I'd like to meet:

The cast of Arrested Development...especially Will Arnett (because it would be an honor to meet the man who perfected the art of playing air guitar to the Law and Order theme).. width="425" height="350">.. .. ....>

Music:

Jump, Little Children, Led Zeppelin, The Doors, Weezer, No Doubt, Tori Amos, Fiona Apple, Butch Walker, Ben Folds, Garbage, Beck, DVDA, Parker and Goodman, Stephen Lynch, Flight of the Conchords, William Shatner, The Dan Band; soundtracks: Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical, Avenue Q, Rent, South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut, Team America, Cannibal!: The Musical, Almost Famous, The Wedding Singer (Broadway soundtrack)

Movies:

Cannibal!: The Musical, Almost Famous, School of Rock, Orgazmo, Team America: World Police, South Park: Bigger, Longer, & Uncut, Wedding Crashers, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Austin Powers, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Baseketball, Anchorman, Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical, Zoolander, Old School, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, The Wedding Singer, Scream, The Omen, The Jerk, Run Ronnie Run, Dumb and Dumber, Talladega Nights, Stranger Than Fiction, Borat, Let's Go to Prison, The Hebrew Hammer, Little Miss Sunshine, Blades of Glory, Knocked Up, Superbad, Walk Hard, Juno, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Baby Mama, The Ten, Semi-Pro

Television:

Arrested Development, The Office, Newsradio, The 4400, Monk, South Park, Family Guy, Home Movies, Friends, Reno 911, Scrubs, Boston Legal, Saturday Night Live, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, Comedy Central Presents, The Colbert Report, Strangers with Candy, Psych, 30 Rock, The Sarah Silverman Program, Weeds, How I Met Your Mother, Flight of the Conchords, Dexter, Six Feet Under, Extras, The New Adventures of Old Christine, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Books:

Naked Pictures of Famous People (Jon Stewart), I Hate Other People's Kids (Adrianne Frost), the Biff Kincaid series (Dan Barton), anything by Bentley Little, James Patterson, Christopher Moore, Stephen King, Dean Koontz, John Saul, Kathy Reichs, Tess Gerritsen, Stuart Woods, Karin Slaughter, Lisa Gardner, Stephen White

Heroes:

Will Arnett, Trey Parker, Matt Stone, William Shatner, Ben Stiller, Conan O'Brien, Sarah Silverman, Will Ferrell, Stephen Colbert...basically anyone who makes me laugh!

My Blog

Hell’s Kitchen, Part 2

Hell's Kitchen (cont'd) ANGEL Can you at least try to enjoy yourself? ..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:...
Posted by Crystal Funke on Wed, 11 Jun 2008 07:25:00 PST

Hell’s Kitchen (A 10-Minute Play), Part 1

Hell's Kitchen ..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> Setting: Hell's Kitchen, the hottest new restaurant in Hell. At rise: SATAN, we...
Posted by Crystal Funke on Wed, 11 Jun 2008 07:18:00 PST

My plays are going to be performed in France June 27th & 28th!

Five of my plays are going to be performed in France at the end of the month, and even though I can't be there to see the performances, I'm pretty excited about it! Three of these plays have nev...
Posted by Crystal Funke on Tue, 10 Jun 2008 06:31:00 PST

Tell It to the Judge (A 10-Minute Play), Part 1

Tell It to the Judge Setting: A TV studio in Los Angeles set up to look like a courtroom. At rise: Two tables are set up in front of the judge's bench; GOD, wearing sungl...
Posted by Crystal Funke on Wed, 04 Jun 2008 06:48:00 PST

Tell It to the Judge, Part 2

Tell It to the Judge (cont'd) BARTHOLOMEW..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> What...
Posted by Crystal Funke on Wed, 04 Jun 2008 06:51:00 PST

Sucks To Be You, Part 2

Sucks To Be You (cont'd) (Chris approaches Mandi.)..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> CHRIS &nb...
Posted by Crystal Funke on Sun, 13 Apr 2008 06:53:00 PST

Sucks To Be You (A 10-Minute Play), Part 1

Sucks To Be You..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> Setting: A bar. At rise: GOD and CHRIS are leaning against the bar, surveying the cro...
Posted by Crystal Funke on Sun, 13 Apr 2008 06:47:00 PST

Messiah Island (A 10-Minute Play)

Messiah Island ..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> Setting: An island, evening. At rise: Two men, MICHAEL and CHRIS, sit on the ground.&n...
Posted by Crystal Funke on Sat, 08 Mar 2008 05:52:00 PST

Forgive Me, Father...For I Must Rock (A 10-Minute Play)

Forgive Me, Father...For I Must RockSetting: Heaven, God's office. At rise: GOD is sitting with his feet propped up on his very messy desk, playing a Game Boy. GOD Suc...
Posted by Crystal Funke on Tue, 12 Feb 2008 05:20:00 PST

The Sweetest Revenge (AKA Never Trust an Angel 2)

The Sweetest Revenge..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> Setting: A ballroom. ...
Posted by Crystal Funke on Mon, 04 Feb 2008 03:03:00 PST