Paul - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Overeducated. Underinsured. Into reading, motorcycles, and early evening naps. I think cynics are pussies. I've successfully given my cat an intense inter-species identity crisis. I'm quiet. I enjoy drinking alcohol with friends. I would crawl twelve miles naked over broken glass, just to throw rocks at a picture of your shit. The only things dramatic about me are my grand hand gestures, and my sassy walk. I think costumes are underemployed in daily life. I would rather climb a jungle gym than a social scene.

My Interests

Sleeping with the enemy. Charming snakes with my feminine wiles. Chasing dreams with my pants around my ankles. Practice kissing with my hand. Tantilizing the toilet with a scrub brush. Making citizen's arrests for crimes against nature. Chiding my cat for improper use of her abacus.

I'd like to meet:

Literate whackjobs w/ dark hair and light hearts. Or light hair and dark hearts.Disenfranchised drinkers w/o cynical aftertaste.Door to Door ginsu salespeople.Hot to trot Seventh-Day Adventists.Soft-lipped school marms.Adrenalized dog walkers.Insecure deep-sea divers.Gold-panners in the Ganges River.Faux fur socialite buffoons.Octopi with extra appendages.Waiters with abandonment issues.Dog Groomers with grammar fetishes.Homely glam rockers.Internationally domesticated livestock.Coquettish marine drill sergeants.Oversexed grocery baggers.Germans named "Hideoshi" or "Fran."Giddy parking lot attendants.Mute town cryers.Kissing grandfathers.Test tube babydolls.Chinese men with southern accents.Dogmatic teenage dungeonmasters.Chihuahuas in crotchless underpants.Libidinous dental hygenists.Six-fingered gunslingers.Wispy-haired weightlifters.Zagat surveyers.Corset-wearing congresspeople.Finicky cannibals.The one who dreamed of me as a child.Geyser Permanente.Cocksure hens.Dominican Republicans.

Music:

Miles Davis, The Cure, Beck, Kool Keith, Air, Radiohead, Aesop Rock, Scud Mountain Boys, Wilco, Dismemberment Plan, The Posies, Misery Index, Big Star, Stevie Wonder, TFG, DJ Vadim, Sigur Ros, Love and Rockets, Royal Trux, Cex, Ween, The Stone Roses, The Mars Volta, Tortoise, Shellac, T Rex

Movies:

Blue Velvet, Ninja Scroll, Ghost World, Seven Samurai, La Strada, Apocalype Pooh!, Natural Born Killers, Army of Darkness, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Yojimbo, Amores Perros, Roman Holiday

Books:

Herman Hesse, Yukio Mishima, Robert Heimlein, Alphonso Lingis, Judy Blume, Milan Kundera, Jean Paul Sartre, e.e. cummings, Philip K. Dick, Nabakov, Marquis de Sade, Margaret Atwood, Charles Dickens, Emmanuel Levinas

My Blog

I'd like to leave the country...

This is the one I've waited for.
Posted by Paul on Tue, 18 Oct 2005 11:38:00 PST

I got laid...

...off today. So I'm officially unemployed, as of 5pm e.s.t. Anyone got a nice job lead? Squaredance monitoring position? Opportunities for the up-and-coming lawn manicuring professional? May...
Posted by Paul on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Something I always suspected...

According to a story in the New York Post, the researchers discovered that women are better at holding their liquor than men. The study found that men's loss of inhibition was three times greater than...
Posted by Paul on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Oh, Kind Friends

Now, I do love when you, my friends, decide to buy me drinks at the local pub. I really do, and I always return the favor. However: don't buy me anything with vodka in it. Vodka, in sufficient q...
Posted by Paul on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Dear Sprint PCS

Every month, for the past four months, a curious thing happens between three and seven days after I pay my bill. You cancel my service, and it takes me many phone calls and screams to have my service...
Posted by Paul on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Guess what I got for my birthday this year?

Well, it wasn't a phone call from either of my parents, that's for sure. No, I got the fucking flu. Influenza, for those in the know, no? 104 degree temperature for five days straight. I knew I ...
Posted by Paul on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Agility and the tired male.

Well, for those of you who know me, perhaps you should learn a fun fact about Paul: I'm all about elegance in movement. One of my pet peeves is people, gender exclusive, who move in a rushed/inelegan...
Posted by Paul on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Shop and Save, The SuperFresh Way!

So, the other night: somebody went in my purse (not a man-purse, but just a regular old purse) and took the following items from my wallet: 1) My credit cards. 2) My ATM card. 3) My Blue Cross/Bl...
Posted by Paul on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Keep your hands at your sides, sir.

So, I had just finished dinner with Sherry Dawn Green, and my father, at the Tuesday Burrito Blowout of Vegan Fun at the One World Cafe. My father, Fast Eddie, picked up the check while I was away fr...
Posted by Paul on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Rocking Out with my Cock Out.

Just so we're clear: wearing a rubber chicken on one's hand is not necessarily an invitation for a sexual encounter. Unless my rubber chicken is on your ass, or up your skirt, or down your pants, we ...
Posted by Paul on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST