Amoral (Matt)

I was already an adult when Parepin was first introduced into the water supply. During the last two months, since I’ve gone off Parepin, I’ve experienced a feeling that I hadn’t even remembered. If you’re in your thirties or older, you might remember it.
It’s a feeling of clarity: your thoughts are clear and ordered, you feel the sharpness of both sadness and joy, and you begin to have ambitions to see more, hear more, do more. It’s not a “high,” though I do feel more energetic than I have for years. I sure get a lot more done every day. It’s actually kind of scary, because everything seems more important. More urgent. Problems are more frightening. happiness is more vivid. I just feel more...present.
Most of all, my mind is working again. I’m starting to think about a lot of the problems our country is facing, and how we got here. The Administration would tell you I’m suffering from paranoia, and maybe they’re right. But I don’t think I’m paranoid. I just feel awake.
me
small town. no jobs. i wanted to matter. i believed what they told me. what did I know back then?
what do you know now?
joined the 105th. saw things.
did things.
came back. joined the police. hunted people like you.
Them
the parepin makes us compliant, but kills agg
regulars get little blue ones–we call them “die-agra.” blue pills keep you frosty and get your soldier on.
blue pills are fun.
sometimes, if you are ver
“bloody mary” or “jerk”
red pills erase the line between killing and fucking. some of the damage is perm
can’t go back once you’ve taken the red pills. they told us that part afterwards.
Them
the parepin makes us compliant, but kills aggression.
different soldiers get different pills to put it back.
regulars get little blue ones–we call them “die-agra.” blue pills keep you frosty and get your soldier on.
blue pills are fun.
sometimes, if you are very good at your job, they give you red pills. the red ones are called “blisters” or
“bloody mary” or “jerk”
red pills erase the line between killing and fucking. some
of the damage is permanent. your family, you can’t go back once you’ve taken the red pills. they told us that part afterwards.
listen to
some of the things i remember didn’t happen but i thi
aurora, illinois. night. 5 of us. cell of unregistered muslims with the NVGs so we stayed out of the air, walked it in sas style. 47 houses on the list. inside the fir
part very intimate, sudden and slippery. little gasps and sighs. towelling off and then the next house,
the next, the next, and we don’t stop, never stop until the last house is done, the sun co
our hands are
*
when your door breaks open in t
listen to me
some of the things i remember didn’t happen but i think this one did.
aurora, illinois. night. 5 of us. cell of unregistered muslims with the NVGs so we stayed out of the air, walked it in sas style. 47 houses on the list. inside the first one–quiet, quiet, like santa claus. the next
part very intimate, sudden and slippery. little gasps and sighs. towelling off and then the next house,
the next, the next, and we don’t stop, never stop until the last house is done, the sun comes up and
our hands are slick, we’re sweating. i came four times
*
when your door breaks open in the middle of the night, you need to know who is coming through it.