EldoradoRampage

THE PHOTOGENIC 'JOHNNY CARLEVALE'
THE SULTRY 'DEE DEE DESIRE!'
LOOK OUT! IT'S JACK HANLON!
BETH WITH 'BEER TASTER' JAY
HOLY CRAP! IT'S TIM HEROUX!
PHOTO SPEAKS FOR ITSELF!
NAME WITHHELD TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT
ELDORADO PUNK!
DIRTNAP NAPPING ON A BED OF NAILS!
the interview
i'm in the hotel lobby of the drossos suites. it's 8:20 am and the lobby doors explode as hellboy kicks in: trade-mark ripped tee, two babes, the stench of vomit annoucing his arrival. he plops down on the sofa in front of me, immediately tipping it over - taking out two lamps and a courtesy table.
in the background, i see duke lugging his bass already slapping his forehead in disgust and doc behind him clearly negotiating with the manager for damamges done. it's 8:23 and i wonder how this band of rock-a-billy scientists slash adventurers even pay the bills.
duke takes a seat and adjusts his signature poodle skirt. as the tallest and largest of the group, it never gets normal to see a large hairy man in giant construction boots adjust his poodle skirt.
doc plops down in a club chair on the left and mumbles something into his wrist.
i begin: 'gentlemen, (i'm spared the three stooges spastic looking about the room) are you just finishing or starting your day?'
duke and hellboy stare unaffected. 'when you have mastery of the ulitmate device, days are meaningless' replies doc. 'so you're never tired?' in response, hellboy screams (what i'll later learn is swhaili) a four minute lecture on the illusion of fatigue.
in an attempt to resume an interview i ask duke how long he's owned the poodle skirt (countless other interviewers have asked the obvious - what's with the skirt - without reward). 'during the hurricane of 453, a phoenician dog peddler was blown off course and was stranded in scotland...'
while duke continues his long lost scottish tribe explanation of his 'KILT,'
doc discretely leans over and quietly says 'duke's retarded.'
behind them, hellboy has completed one of dirac's unfinished mathematical formulas on the lobbly wall and before finishing, grabs a pricless chinese vase and vomits repeatedly into it.
suddenly, duke leaps up, lifting his ponytails into the air and yells 'dont' hate me becuase i'm beautiful.' my final question to doc, 'how does all this choas stay congealed - how do the three of you do so much good - what's the secret to psycho-billy world-travillin' scientific rock-n-rollers?' (i have to yell this as hotel security are wrestling with hellboy).
doc matter-a-factly replies: 'hugs, booze and bullets'
and with that, a gene vincent impressionist blows through the front window in a 64 convertible lincoln, scoops up the boys. and as i sit there, picking glass out of my notebook, the manager walks up and says 'the man in the leather jacket said you would take care of all of this.'