Music:
Member Since: 6/12/2004
Band Website: hedroom.co.uk
Band Members:
Christian "MC NYC" Barnes
Date of Birth:
20/07/1984
Role in the group:
Lead vocalism, mouth of the band.
Funk special powers:
Soul Power; The power of rhyme; the power of forgetting debts.
HIStory:
Christian was born and raised in Alabama, but was immediately treated as an outcast by his Deep South contemporaries. Viewed as being too funky, therefore a messenger of Satan, he was banished to a place where he would mingle with his own kind: New York. Even there he was too funky, and sooner or later he was brought in by the FBI. After long and inconclusive testing, the US government decided that they would use him as a weapon on one of their greatest enemies: the UK! President Reagan had been planning an attack on England for years, but with the Iron Lady in power he had to be sly about it. However, Christian abandoned his role after a short time in the UK and concentrated on perfecting his mastery of the funk. One time whilst meditating high in the mountains above Chinnor, he ran into a brooding ginger fellow named Alex St. Funk. Alex introduced him to some like-minded funk patrons, and before long, Hedroom was born.
Ben "Custard Creams" Beames
Date of Birth:
04/11/1985
Role in the group:
Heavy basslines and pilot of the Fellatio
Funk special powers:
Subsonic Vibration Attack; Super Strength (Basssslines); Advanced Facial Hair.
HIStory:
During WWII, the German government launched a project to create the perfect Aryan supersoldier, and so as not to raise suspicion among Allied spies, codenamed it Operation Custard Creams. After many failed attempts, Jerry finally created the perfect warrior: tall, built like a Panzer, Blond, Blue-eyed and instinctively adept with a variety of weapons and fighting styles. Flawless. However, what Hitler's boffins weren't counting on was Custard's gentle manner. He was kind, loving, pleasant and prone to a range of different emotions such as happiness, shyness and empathy, but rarely anger. Although he was a joy to be around and a hit at parties, he wasn't the stony-faced killing machine that he was intended to be, so the German scientists attempted to brainwash him, filling his mind with thoughts of brutality and militancy. However, when he was strapped into the booth, eyes held open, the scientists mistakenly showed him live footage of various Berlin jazz bassists ripping into their uprights. No-one noticed, and so when he came out, 48 hours later, he was no more vicious than when he went in, but with a hunger to feel the rumble of the bass. Dismayed with his lack of progress, he was cryogenically frozen for years until he was discovered by a student moving into his new apartment. Custard Creams was immediately shipped to Britain, where he was given his 60 year old wish: to funk his ass out on the bass. Keavy happened to spot him in a Denmark Street music shop, and took the gentle giant under his wing, introducing him to the rest of Hedroom.
Keavy aka Smeavers aka Jeeves aka McGreaverson
Date of Birth:
02/04/1986
Role in the group:
Sax appeal, resident chef.
Funk special powers:
Power of Theme Tunes; Co-pilot of the Fellatio; Super hearing (those ears aren't for show...)
HIStory:
Long ago, there were a tribe living in deepest Africa called the Keavs, and their chief, Keavstro, was a rich, powerful and highly desirable male, who had many wives and could summon the most beautiful melodies from his fine ivory horn. However, the peace and prosperity of the Keavs was interrupted when European invaders stromed their shores and came, armed with guns, to take their people as slaves. Even the great chief Keavstro was powerless, but as he was packed into the boat and shipped away to work on a ganja plantation in the Caribbean, he kept his trusty horn on him wherever he went, and would play it all day and night for his people to remind them of their homeland and that one day they would return to the old country and be free. However, as Keavstro got older, he passed the legacy on to his son, and as the next Keavstro grew older the legend was told and the horn passed down once more. As centuries passed the glory of Keavstro was kept alive in each generation by word of mouth. However, after so many years the anger became too much, and the great-great-great-great-grandson of the Keavstro who boarded that first boat out of Africa rallied the troops, sounding the call of revolution with his mighty horn. The Keavs took action and overthrew their cruel masters, immediately setting sail and returning to their homeland. However, when they arrived they found a resort built upon the site where their sacred town had been. Heartbroken and destitute, they retreated to a harsh corner of the desert and tried to survive on virtually nothing, the only thing keeping them alive being the beautiful sound of Keavstro's horn. One particularly dry day Chris was crossing the desert on a camel in search of the fabled Sacred Snare when he heard the most beautiful melody that had ever crossed his ears. Following the sound, he found Keavstro and offered to take him back to England to form a funk band. After receiving the blessing from his people, he mounted the camel and began the journey to a new life where he could finally gain the freedom and oppurtunity that his people had earned.
Chris "Feathers" Pethers
Date of Birth:
25/09/1985
Role in the group:
Drums, percussion, consumer of pesky surplus alchohol.
Funk special powers:
Super-agile triplet fills; Violent Drop D riffs; The power of DIY.
HIStory:
Chris' natural parents were poor merchants in India, with many children who they could barely afford to feed. When his mother, Brucine, fell pregnant once more, the family decided that they couldn't afford to feed their new blessing and opted to sell him for a healthy price. However, when there were no takers (remember this is before the days of the internet) they had no choice but to leave him to be raised by wolves. As they made the long journey into the depths of the jungle, the newborn was entranced by the sound of musicians banging away at their tablas. When his family finally said their tearful goodbyes and left him in a cave, he was quickly adopted by a sympathetic wolf family and taught the ways of the jungle. All the various animals from the mischevious monkey to the proud lion accepted him and taught him what they could, and Chris passed the time inbetween hunts by making drums out of tree stumps and animal skins, desparately trying to replicate that sound he had heard in his first few days on this earth. As Chris eventually grew into a teenager and somehow asked his family why he looked so different, the wolves told him his tragic story. Chris became brutally angry at this, and taking with him only a bottle of homemade jungle hooch and his favourite drum, he set out to the nearby human village in search of his heritage. However, when he got there, he saw hundreds of his own kind, the first he had ever seen, boarding a giant vessel at the shore. Naturally he followed his kin and after stowing away on the boiler deck for two weeks he arrived in New York City. Coincidentally, a young MC NYC was passing by on a rare visit back to his homeland and spotted this odd creature, obviously not familiar with the ways of the developed world, staring in wonder at the giant metal trees and tall apes with strange skin. He took the creature, who was wearing a coat made from the hide of an eagle, and affectionately called him Feathers, taking him back to his Funk Dojo and teaching him the way of the groove. Amazed by his natural ability on the skins, MC NYC and Feathers took the first plane back to the UK where the jungle boy met the other members of the band, and they gave him his human name, Chris Pethers, so as not to arouse suspicion.
Alex St. Funk
Date of Birth:
4/12/1985
Role in the group:
Guitars; The One with all the (Ginger) Hair
Funk special powers:
The Hallowed Vocal Chords of Barry White; Power of the Pentatonic; Slap, Tap and all that Crap.
HIStory:
Alex's twisting, tragic tale begins long ago, when Nordic hordes ruled the Western world. Alex Alexsson was born in 860 AD, into one of the most prominent and terrifying Viking families in Europe. His father Alex was the most brutal warrior to ever slice an Anglo-Saxon throat, standing at 6' 8" and 500 pounds, and was feared across the oceans, so when he looked to his sons for a successor, the obvious choice was bulky, handsome Magnus, and Alex Jnr was ignored, passed off as the clever one. However, Alex saw the light when Alex Jnr slaughtered Magnus and his other brothers by removing and eating their limbs. Soon, the young Alex's savagery was the talk of the longboats, and despite his skinny frame he became the most feared warrior in Scandinavia and also a hit with the ladies due to his large shock of bright auburn hair. Soon, the older Alex began to envy his son and all the attention he was getting, and began to plot his demise. On Alex's 18th birthday, during the viking attacks on Wessex, Alex Jnr was doing some of the worst damage of his career, looting and burning over 60 monasteries and brutally murdering many thousands of English peasants. After Alex Jnr successfully pushed Alfred the Great out into the Somerset marshes as his aging father looked on, Alex Snr finally took his revenge. After a particularly hearty meal of three deer, two pheasant and a roast pig, Alex Jnr was sleeping soundly surrounded by many virgin milkmaids. As he snored, his father picked him up and carried him the 200 miles out to shore, and then set sail in his longboat north towards Iceland. When he got far enough out, he simply dropped him in the sea. As he hit the icy brine, Alex Jnr woke with a start, but before long he began to freeze. Miraculously, Alex didn't drown, but he was quickly forgotten by the fickle Viking people who moved on to the next big celebrity, Eric Bloodaxe. However, due to the massively cold temperatures in the north sea, Alex froze into a solid block of ice, and began floating south back to England. However, he wasn't discovered formore than 1000 years, when Ben was spending a day at the seaside and fell asleep on his lilo. When he awoke he was half a mile out to sea, next to a frozen Viking. He took pity on the poor creature, and brought him home to defrost at the studio with the rest of the band. As he gradually melted, they set up a microphone, curious to hear his first words when emerging from his frosty prison. You can hear those words, hidden in the original recording of ?...
Influences: RATM, Sublime, Primus, RHCP, Led Zeppelin , James Brown, Jimi Hendrix, Jeff Buckley, The Commodores, Peter Gabriel, Weather Report, Charlie Parker, Stanley Clarke, Cream, Morris Day and the Time, Fishbone, Infectious Grooves, The Melvins, Faith No More, The Mars Volta, Isaac Hayes, Parliament/Funkadelic, Prince, bored yet...?
If you are intrested in buying the latest hedroom mini albulm send a check for £5 to Crash-Records PO BOX 13 Chinnor OXON OX39 4WD
Email:[email protected]
Sounds Like: Mix RATM, RHCP with Incubus add some Primus , Blockheads, and liberally sprinkle with Jazz ,shake , do not stir
Type of Label: None
