Kristov² profile picture

Kristov²

Doctor Spaceman, when they check my DNA, will they tell me what diseases I might get, or help me to

About Me


Holla! My name is Kristopher. Most people call me Kris, but the super cool people call me Kristov, and the homeless just scream random ethnic slurs at me. I'm back in the bay area after a nine-month stay in my hometown of Fresno, and I've found that I'm much happier here. My hobbies include playing guitar, writing, and notoriously researching anything and everything that interests me. I love movies, mostly comedies, and books, mostly science fiction. I'm goofy, stubborn, occasionally witty, moody, trustworthy, sometimes shy and sometimes very social, emotional, skeptical, friendly, sarcastic, willing to make attempts at creativity and originality though I'm prone to failure, hilarious to some people and dull to others, romantic, occasionally lonely, giving and selfish, insecure, obnoxious, thoughtful, usually very logical but not immune to occasional irrationality, godless and moral, ever-thinking, constantly battling my own cynicism, and too modest to say good things about myself without feeling awkward. However, I don't suggest that you judge my personality by my words or interests, even though it's inevitable. Just talk to me if you're curious.
"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol."
- Steven Seagal

My Interests

Life in all its beauty and hideousness. Science. Evolution. Paleoanthropology. Paleontology. Astronomy. Nature. Guitar. Drums. Bass. Making up shitty music in my head. Computers. Gaming. Reading. Writing. Critical thinking. Those evil Starbucks drinks. Coffee. Tea. Beer, usually amber ales. Bars. Sushi. Saki. Laughing. Real friends. Travel. Aspiring but rarely following through. Good movies. Camping. Bushisms. Dead baby jokes. Letting go of grudges. Making friends squirm. Laughing at creationists. California Academy of Sciences. Reefer. Trying to be humorously inappropriate. Being leprechauny on occasion. Gears of War. Guitar Hero. Living in my head. Giving advice that I usually don't follow. Turkey sandwiches and milk on a sunny afternoon. Basking in the belief that we are godless, hairless, relatively intelligent apes. Truth over comfort.

I'd like to meet:


Bob Dole, or anyone else I can easily push down the stairs.

Recommended websites:

Wikipedia
ScienceDaily
AlterNet
eBaum's World
Ogrish WARNING: Not for the faint of heart.
Rotten Library
MyDeathSpace
CryptoMundo
Bow down to His noodly goodness!
Best of Craigslist

The talented Mr. T.

The perfect gift idea.

Good times at Eddie's cabin.

Music:

Audiovent. Arlo. Audioslave. The Beatles. Bon Jovi. Boston. Brad Sucks. Chris Cornell. Collective Soul. Death Cab for Cutie. dredg. Flaw. Guster. Incubus. Jeff Buckley. Jimmy Eat World. Keane. Muse. Nirvana. Oasis. The Offspring. Our Lady Peace. Ours. Ozma. Radiohead. Rage Against the Machine. Red Hot Chili Peppers. Soundgarden. Stroke 9. System of a Down. Tenacious D. Tool. The Verve Pipe. weezer. Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Yes Dear.

Movies:

Airplane! Altered States. Anchorman. Army of Darkness. Boondock Saints. Borat. Cable Guy. Christmas Vacation. The Count of Monte Cristo. Darby O'Gill and the Little People. Donnie Darko. Dumb and Dumber. Equilibrium. Fight Club. The Frighteners. Garden State. The Goonies. Gross Pointe Blank. Half Baked. Happy Gilmore. High Fidelity. Just Friends. Little Miss Sunshine. The Lost Boys. Memento. Napoleon Dynamite. Office Space. Orgazmo. The Pick of Destiny. The Princess Bride. Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Scream. See No Evil, Hear No Evil. The Sixth Sense. Stranger Than Fiction. Talladega Nights. Tommy Boy. UHF. V For Vendetta.

Television:

30 Rock. The 4400. Da Ali G Show. Arrested Development. Bullshit! Chappelle's Show. The Daily Show. The Dead Zone. Family Guy. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Law & Order: SVU. The Office. Rescue Me. Scrubs. The Shield. The Simpsons. South Park. Upright Citizens Brigade. Wonder Showzen. Any bad movie on TV starring Steven Seagal or Jean-Claude Van Damme (i.e.. Belly of the Beast. or Replicant).

Books:

The Count of Monte Cristo . American Gods . By the Light of the Moon . Calculating God . Choke . The Codex Alera . Darwin's Radio . Doomsday Book . The Dresden Files . The Ender Saga . Evolution: The Triumph of an Idea . Fight Club . Flashforward . The God Delusion . Hunter . Jack Reacher novels . The Light of Other Days . The Mote in God's Eye . The Neanderthal Parallax . Odd Thomas . Raising Abel . Replay . Seeker . Watchers . Numerous Michael Crichton and Dean Koontz novels.

Heroes:

Those who suffer catastrophes in life and continue to live on. They have more strength than I will ever have.

My Blog

Homeless in the City

Walking into Starbucks today, I was asked for change by a homeless man who regularly positions himself just outside the establishment, leaning against a trash container.  Not carrying any change ...
Posted by Kristov² on Mon, 10 Sep 2007 12:32:00 PST

Old people are crazy and hilarious! Or dead.

What it is, muhfuhguhs?Did you enjoy your three-day weekend?  Good to hear.  Mine was pretty cool.  I spent most of it with my brother, visited my sister, mom, and aunt in Berkeley, we...
Posted by Kristov² on Thu, 06 Sep 2007 03:29:00 PST

Dear New Girl at Subway:

1.  Please be advised that whenever a customer orders an omelet sandwich, it is imperative that you include egg in the omelet sandwich.  Otherwise, it isn't really an omelet sandwich.2. ...
Posted by Kristov² on Tue, 31 Jul 2007 09:43:00 PST

Celebrity

I hate Paris Hilton.Now, it's reasonable to question how I could hate someone I don't know personally.  So let me clarify: I hate what Paris Hilton represents.  As of now, she is the news.&n...
Posted by Kristov² on Wed, 04 Jul 2007 11:10:00 PST

Finding it all alone

    I've realized lately that I've been more content being single now than I have ever been in my entire life (except for my childhood, of course).  I think what did it was my last...
Posted by Kristov² on Sat, 25 Nov 2006 03:07:00 PST

The Path to 9/11

    Well, well, well.  Look what made it to ABC's Sunday night primetime slot!  Part one of two of the ever-controversial Path to 9/11--which originally was claimed to be base...
Posted by Kristov² on Tue, 12 Sep 2006 06:43:00 PST

A Modest Proposal

A Modest ProposalBy Jonathan Swift1729It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this great town or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin doors, crowded with ...
Posted by Kristov² on Fri, 01 Sep 2006 02:25:00 PST

Katrina - one year and little progress later.

    I read this article and was so disgusted that I absolutely had to share it.  Please take the time to read it and share your thoughts if you'd like.Hurricane Expert Threatened f...
Posted by Kristov² on Tue, 29 Aug 2006 01:59:00 PST

Attention MySpace users: FIX YOUR PAGES.

    There are a lot of fucked up myspace pages out there, but I believe the most common offense is having a page that is too wide, requiring the viewer to scroll laterally, in addition ...
Posted by Kristov² on Sun, 06 Aug 2006 01:21:00 PST

Oh shit, that bitch be drownin'!

    I saw Lady in the Water tonight.  First of all: I enjoyed it.  This is a change from The Village, which, when I saw it the first time, completely disappointed me because t...
Posted by Kristov² on Fri, 21 Jul 2006 03:08:00 PST